My boyfriend dumped me after I cured his sex problem
When Claire*, 30, got intimate with Jason*, 28, she discovered he struggled to maintain an erection. After 10 months of seeing each other, the issue eventually went, but two months later, so did Jason, admitting he now wanted to sleep with other women…
I met Jason* after moving from London to Bristol in early March 2023. He was the gardener for the new flat share I'd moved into, and he was just my type: tall, fit, confident, motivated and hilarious. He took pride in always working hard, whether that was at work in the garden or at the gym. I was immediately smitten.
After a few weeks of getting to know one another, Jason offered to show me around Bristol. He took me to his favourite spots, we went for a few drinks and by the end of the night, I invited him home with me. We both enjoyed each other’s company but neither of us were looking for anything serious. I’m usually opposed to being 'friends with benefits', but in this case, it felt like the perfect set-up. I could still have the summer of freedom I’d been looking forward to in my new home city and see other people if I wanted to.
From the moment we met, there was a lot of sexual tension between Jason and I. But when it actually came to us hooking up that night, Jason couldn’t get an erection. This had never happened to either of us before, but we both chalked it up to too many drinks. He was apologetic and a little embarrassed, and I did my best to reassure him that it wasn’t a big deal.
An embarrassing problem
We didn’t talk throughout the week, but would hook up every Monday after he’d finish tending the garden. Months went by, and so did Jason’s impotence. No matter what we did, he struggled to maintain his erection. "I don’t know why this keeps happening," he’d say. "I swear this has never happened before, it’s only ever been a problem with you."
"I don’t know why this keeps happening," he’d say. "I swear this has never happened before, it’s only ever been a problem with you."
It was frustrating for both of us. I was humiliated that this had only happened with me, and he said that it was completely emasculating. We tried to figure out what it could be. Nerves? No – we were at the point where we were comfortable with one another. Alcohol? No – we were sober the majority of the time. Was he even attracted to me? Yes – he said that wasn’t an issue at all.
After about four months, Jason decided to see a hypnotherapist. He had a theory that his vaping was causing the issue, and thought that if he could quit vaping (or at least cut back), it’d fix the problem. He didn’t tell me a lot about his conversation with the hypnotherapist – and I have a feeling they talked about more than just his vaping – but whatever it was, helped.
Falling in love
Although Jason still couldn’t perform on a regular basis, we grew closer emotionally. The sex didn’t just end any time he couldn’t get an erection, and he always made sure that I 'finished'. After five months of friends with benefits, Jason asked me to be his girlfriend.
I wasn’t expecting it at all, and in hindsight I’m not sure it’s really what I wanted, but we were spending more and more time with each other and it was nice getting to know him on a deeper level. I always had so much fun with Jason and felt at ease with him. But in the back of my mind, I still wanted the freedom to go out and meet more people in my new city.
All that quickly changed though. As soon as we actually started dating, I couldn’t get enough of Jason. I loved his company and couldn’t wait to spend more time with him. I loved that he had a really fun side to him, but also a vulnerability that I had never seen before. I fell madly in love.
A taboo subject
Jason eventually got a prescription for Viagra. We tried to avoid using it as much as possible, instead experimenting with different toys and positions. And as we really got to know one another, the sex got better.
Ten months in, Jason didn’t have any more issues with impotence, even without Viagra, and even if he had been drinking. He expressed how thankful he was for me sticking by his side through it all – for my patience with the situation and for helping him emotionally and physically through it all. He had never gone through this before and felt self-conscious sharing it with his friends. Impotence is not uncommon, but it was a taboo subject between him and his shared circle.
He expressed how thankful he was for me sticking by his side through it all – for my patience with the situation and for helping him emotionally and physically through it all.
But once the issue with sex issue was settled, Jason began pulling away. We barely spent any time with one another – he was always out with his friends or 'ill'. And the vulnerable side that I had known and loved suddenly disappeared. Any time I tried to discuss something serious, he’d put up a wall or get defensive and quickly change the subject. When I told him how I felt, he told me that I was being overly-sensitive and that "nothing had changed from his side." I hated that he was dismissing my feelings and felt like I was being taken for granted.
A big betrayal
Jason finally ended things with me in March 2024, just over a year of us meeting. He thanked me for ‘curing his erectile dysfunction,’ and then told me that he wanted to sleep with other women now that there were 'no issues'. I was shocked. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so many emotions at once: anger, sadness, heartbreak and betrayal. But I didn’t want him to see that I was upset. I didn’t want him to to know how much he hurt me. Instead, I pretended to brush it off as if it was a relief.
I feel completely betrayed that I helped him through something difficult, only for him to turn around and use it against me. It feels like a slap in the face.
In reality I was – and still am – gutted that Jason ended things. I feel completely betrayed that I stood by his side and helped him through something difficult, only for him to turn around and use it against me. It feels like a slap in the face. I’m 30 years old and have never felt so used by someone.
It’s only been a month, but I haven't seen Jason around since. I blocked him the minute he left mine after breaking up with me. I now leave the house every time I know he’s coming over to tend the garden. But Bristol is quite small, so I’m dreading running into him.
I’m so thankful for the group of friends who’ve stood by my side through the breakup. The way that Jason ended things triggered a lot of insecurities and trust issues on my end, so I’ve signed up for therapy to help me through it all. I’m absolutely not rushing into dating any time soon. For now, I’m learning to love myself again.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Read more: All of Yahoo UK's How I was dumped stories.
