On Monday night, booted Bachelor contestant Kacie B. traveled to Switzerland to find out why she was dumped. When she got her answer, she was glad to have the closure, she said. Then she lay on the floor of a hotel hallway and dry heaved.
If only she'd gone to wotwentwrong.com, a new website that lets you find out why you were rejected without looking your ex in the eye. The site launched in the U.S. just before Valentine's day and has become an international sensation in a matter of weeks.
How it works: you log in, enter the name and email of an ex you want answers from and let the site help you craft a request. It's all very dispassionate, which can be helpful if you're prone to dissertation-sized rants. First you choose a template (philosophical, sincere, flippant or cool-apparently it's not too late for that option). Say you choose, philosophical, an automatic quote from Ben Franklin will begin your transaction. The rest of the email is pre-filled in: "I'd really like to know what went wrong with us. Think you could let me know?" That note is sent to your ex, along with a feedback form you've filled out, rating his attractiveness, sex appeal and personality.
You're also given a a checklist of specific reasons you wanted to dump him too (the assumption if you're sending this form letter is that you were the dumpee.) Some insulting feedback you can choose from: "bad kisser" "bad in bed" "too hairy."
Once you've sent your request through the site , he'll receive your note along with the same "feedback" checklist to use for his response. He'll choose "it's not you..." if he's gentle, and "Bad breath" if he's not.
But lets be honest: do you really want to know? Apparently, people do. Particularly New Yorkers, according to the site's data. The city of productivity, where dating is a cutthroat business of sharks, tops the list of users on the site. But jilted exes around the country, as well as in Spain, Hong Kong, Japan, Brazil and Australia have also logged on for closure.
In theory, the site is a useful tool, much like an HR exit interview designed to help companies address their managerial kinks. Thing is, we don't work like corporations.
A psychological study actually found individuals craving "closure" were more likely to make sweeping judgments toward the person giving negative feedback. That constructive criticism can actually shut a person down, particularly when it's personal.
The person providing that feedback can also be problematic. That's where this site is supposed help. By providing real, concrete specific reasons and a complete lack of human contact, exes can be more direct with each other.
Like the alarming Am I Ugly trend, where young girls post video and ask the public their attractiveness level, wotwentwrong is another chance to face your worst fears. Technology effectively removes any sensitivity or human affection filters so you can just read the brutal things, or write them.
I know we say we want closure, but does finding out why someone didn't want you ever provide that? Even armed with a straight answer, can you actually use that information productively? I'm asking because if anyone I dated ever checked off any of the options listed on the site ("sexual incompatibility, too short, too hairy") I would store that information in my "Reasons to be self-conscious" file and pull it out daily. Needless to say, that file is already jam-packed.
There's a reason we tell our friends "he's intimidated by you" or "he's scared of falling in love with you," neither of which made the website's checklist by the way. Sure they're never the real reason things don't work out, but do you really need to know you were "too much"? Yes, that's on rejection checklist too.