Bride and Groom Secretly Wed Months Ago — Now They're Planning a Wedding but Haven't Told Guests They're Already Married

A couple secretly married a few months ago and is now planning a small wedding to celebrate with family and friends. But now, the bride is worried that it's "deceptive" to keep the secret from their guests.

In a post on Reddit's "Wedding" forum, she detailed the dilemma, beginning by explaining what led to the couple's elopement.

"My fiancé is not a US citizen so we are applying for a marriage based green card. After setting the date, we found out one of his close family members was sick," she wrote. "After speaking with a lawyer, we decided it made the most sense to just legally get the papers signed so we could start the immigration process ASAP."

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She said she and her now-husband didn't have a ceremony, "just signed a paper."

"At the time, it seemed normal to us to just not tell anyone and still do the wedding," the bride continued. "We also didn’t really want to explain to all our friends and family our decisions about immigration. But now as it gets closer to the date, I am starting to feel really guilty about it."

She noted that they have sent out save-the-dates but not invitations yet — and she is fretting about "the best thing to do here" and even considering scrapping the ceremony.

"Should I come clean and tell everyone we’re already married? And just do a reception?" she wrote. "I don’t want to spoil the wedding day, but I also don’t want to come across as deceptive to any family or friends."

Looking for feedback and opinions from the Reddit community, she asked, "Would you feel deceived if you went to a wedding but found out the couple was legally married a few months earlier?"

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In the comments, one person assured the bride her situation is "way more common today than you think" and not something guests would get worked up over. "Makes no difference to me, wouldn't give it any thought. We're together to celebrate, not do paperwork," another Reddit user wrote.

Someone else chimed in: "I’d say about half of couples legally get married before their actual wedding. Some tell their guests, some don’t. Overall, it doesn’t matter."

Another person pointed out the different nature of the elopement and the couple's upcoming wedding celebration.

"You legally signed papers to be married. A contract, like if you leased a car or bought a home. The contract was a legal necessity," they wrote. "You don’t share signing contracts with your family and friends. You are exchanging vows of love at a wedding. This IS shared with family and friends. Whole different ballgame."

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Several people were of the opinion that the bride and groom should tell their guests before the wedding. "Not a big deal usually, except... yeah, the fact that you were hiding it makes it deceptive. It's such a weird thing not to be honest about," one commenter wrote.

Another added: "It’s probably best to tell people ahead of time. Your officiant should definitely know, and the chance of someone hearing about it through the grapevine is fairly high. I think a very small number of people would be put off, but a much greater number would be upset if they felt that they’d been deceived. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with not telling them, but people often react strongly when they find out that they’ve been lied to even in a small way."

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