Bridget Everett Found Success in Her 40s. Her Dog Is Her Soulmate. She Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way

Allison Michael Orenstein

What does it mean to feel emotionally fulfilled? In most TV shows and movies, the answer is often found in a romantic relationship. But, happily ever after doesn’t look the same to everyone. The HBO series Somebody Somewhere, in which Bridget Everett stars as Sam, intentionally shifts the focus to another kind of soulmate: the best friend.

“I am part of something that I’m really proud of, and before the show started, I probably never would’ve been able to say something like that,” Everett says of the show ahead of its season-three premiere on October 27. “So I’ve learned. I’ve grown, too, not just Sam.” Although this will be its last season, Everett says the story of Sam lives on in her head.

In fact, Bridget Everett, 52, has a great deal in common with her TV persona—including their hometown of Manhattan, Kansas (a.k.a. “The Little Apple”). But anyone who follows the comedian and actor knows that she is one of a kind. In a Glamour exclusive, Everett shares about why she’s happy her success came later in life, choosing herself first, and the value in finding “your people.”

I don’t really have goals in general. I’m not a hustler. Well, I’d love to play Madison Square Garden before I die. That’s one goal. But having my own TV show was never a goal—it kind of fell in my lap, and I made the most of it.

I wanted to be a singer. I was mostly singing in karaoke bars, and people started finding me. I did one show that led to another show that led to another. The goal at the time was to keep going, not to achieve something massive. I’m very happy that success—if you want to call it that—is happening to me now and not in my 20s and 30s. I waited tables for a very long time. I was 40 years old and waiting tables. Now, I have a real appreciation for where I am, even though it often doesn’t feel real.

I’m just glad I never gave up on myself, because I think that’s easy to do. When I was waiting tables, a friend of mine said to me, “At what age are you going to just stop trying?” He wasn’t being mean-spirited, but I was like, “Why would I stop trying?” I love singing. Waiting tables afforded me the opportunity to go sing at [New York theater] Joe’s Pub whenever I wanted. You just keep going and get better and better at what you’re doing. If you stick around long enough and you’ve got some talent, it will happen. What do I know?

That being said, I spent a lot of time not believing in myself, and I wish I had made an emotional investment in myself a whole lot sooner than I did. I kept going because when I was onstage, I felt indestructible. I felt like I had worth on stage. But when you’re doing your day job, you can feel really small. It’s an interesting juxtaposition: I’ve always taken a chance on myself, but I’ve always had trouble believing in myself. So if I had any advice to anybody that’s younger, it’s to get out of your own way.

My character on Somebody Somewhere, Sam, was kind of sleepwalking through life. Then she meets the love of her life, her best friend, Joel. I think the love of your life can be a friend. It’s a unique way to tell a story: Somebody in their 40s finding the person that they’ve always been looking for, who’s kind of always been right there.

For me, my friends are my great love. When I grew up in Kansas, I always felt a little bit like an outsider. Then I went to school at Arizona State, where I also felt like an outsider. I had a lot of fun in both of those places—but when I came to New York and met friends like Champagne Jerry and Murray Hill, I was like, Oh my God, these are my people.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends that I grew up with in Kansas. But it’s a very different way of life there. Somebody Somewhere is kind of a reflection of what my life would have been like if I’d stayed. I do think I would’ve found my Fred Rococo. I do think I would’ve found my Joel.

For some people, the most important relationship is a romantic partner. But not everybody feels that way, and I don’t think those other relationships are any less special or important. The goal doesn’t always have to be to end up in the house with the kid and the spouse. So, we wanted to focus on a different kind of story—the love story between Sam and Joel. It just proves to myself, and hopefully to others, that it’s never too late to find your people.

It’s strange to me that it’s such a novel idea that somebody finds their happiness in a friend. People are like, “Are you sure you don’t want more?” That can nag at you. It doesn’t mean that Sam can’t have romantic interests, but her number one is always going to be Joel.

As for me, my number one was my late dog, Poppy. She was my soulmate. She shifted my platelets. She cracked me open. She made me a better person. Poppy died during the filming of season one, and I had to put her to sleep over the weekend on a Sunday and show up to work on Monday. It was not cute.

It’s been a couple of years now, but if I’m being honest, that was the best, most significant relationship in my life. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

I thought if I got another dog, it would help me heal. It did to some extent. I got a nine-month-old puppy, Lulu. She’s also a Pomeranian, from a great organization called Southern California Pomeranian Rescue. She’s a completely different dog from Poppy—she keeps me on my toes.

Aside from Lulu, I love that I don’t have to plan around anyone but myself. If I want to spend Christmas alone, I can spend Christmas alone. If I want to spend it with my friends, I can spend it with my friends. I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I’m happy with who I am. I’m not perfect, but I don’t want to learn a whole new communication style at this age. I also don’t like to cook for other people because I’ll be able to read the disappointment on their face, and I don’t need that.

The truth is, I don’t feel happy and fulfilled every single day. The happiest I can remember being in recent memory was when we finished filming season three. We were filming in the suburbs of Illinois and hopped on a party bus to drive to downtown Chicago. I remember jumping up and down thinking, I’m happy. I’m happy. I’m happy. It was a feeling I’ve rarely felt in my life.

I’ve made a TV show that I’m proud of. I have a cabaret career that I’m proud of. I have a lot of friendships that I’m proud of. Could my dog walk better on a leash? Yes. So, there’s always work to be done.

Originally Appeared on Glamour