Conan O'Brien's mother and father reportedly died 3 days apart. Here's the truth about grief.
Conan O'Brien's parents, both in their 90s, died three days apart, according to several media reports. His mother, a lawyer, and his father, an epidemiologist, raised six children.
Many on social media let the comedian know they were thinking about him and his family during a difficult time: "All my love to you and your family, Conan." "Conan: So, so, so sorry for your loss. May their memories be a blessing." "Condolences Conan and to the whole O’Brien family!" This type of public outpouring is common when someone dies, and is magnified tenfold when a celebrity or public figure is involved. Death, no matter in what manner or at age, leaves loved ones with a twisted torrent of emotions. Confusion. Anger. Disbelief. Sadness.
Even if loved ones are of advanced age, it is "still hard to prepare for anything that is life-altering, whether a person knew it was coming," Shavonne Moore-Lobban, a licensed psychologist, previously told USA TODAY.
Grief is different for everyone, experts say, and the trauma of a shocking death − or two of them back-to-back − only compounds that grief.
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Everyone grieves differently
Behaviors around grief vary among individuals, communities and within family units.
"How people grieve is influenced by the relationship they had with the person they lost, also what our religion taught us, what our culture taught us, and what our family taught us," grief expert David Kessler previously told USA TODAY.
Many have parasocial relationships with those in the public eye, be it celebrities, politicians, news anchors. You feel close to them like they're your friend or relative. O'Brien may have made you belly laugh on a consistent basis, but that doesn't mean you knew him or his family.
"It's a fascinating thing that people don't realize we really can grieve people we didn't know," Kessler added. "And it doesn't mean we're going to grieve them like our spouse or mother, father, or sister or child, but we will grieve them."
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How to help someone grieve
If you're trying to comfort someone going through such a loss, don't try and minimize their loss nor put a timetable to the grieving the process.
"There is no limit to grief and because it is a cycle or process, it will continue as long as it needs to for the person who is experiencing it," Moore-Lobban says. Don't expect anything from O'Brien, either, as he grieves in his own way.
If you're going through loss yourself, talk about it. This "might mean acknowledging it and being open with someone you trust, about how you are feeling," Moore-Lobban says. "It might also include engaging in therapy with a mental health provider, which can be individual or group therapy. Talking about it can also occur by writing, meaning a person can journal about how they feel and what they are thinking."
There's no right way to grieve. Above all, take care of yourself.
"Grieving is normal, understandable, and expected," Moore-Lobban says. "We should grieve the loss of another person, which also honors the memory of that person."
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Contributing: Charles Trepany and Alia E. Dastagir
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Conan O'Brien parents die 3 days apart: The truth about grief
