Consult a Coach: I've moved to an exciting new job – but how do I bond with my colleagues?
Welcome to Consult a Coach, our regular careers clinic for Bazaar readers. Send us your work dilemma, and we’ll ask our career agony aunt – the industry professional, executive coach and motivational speaker Jo Glynn-Smith – to share her expert advice.
Here, Jo advises a reader who has started a new role but is struggling to forge close connections with her colleagues.
Explore the Consult a Coach archive, full of careers-based advice. Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at consultacoach@harpersbazaar.co.uk
Dear Jo,
I've just started a new job and, while I'm enjoying the role, I've yet to make friends with my colleagues. We work from home about 50% of the time, which makes it even harder to bond. My old company had a very sociable culture, and we’d often go for drinks after work, but that doesn’t seem to happen here. How can I form close connections with the people I work with? I think my day-to-day would be much more enjoyable if I felt like I had friends in the office.
Lauren, 34
Jo says...
Dear Lauren,
Thank you so much for sending this question in. It’s such a current issue which is affecting so many new starters like you, so let’s see if we can create a plan that will help you connect more with your colleagues.
Starting a new job is always a little overwhelming, even without the added pressure of not being in the office much. Most people massively underestimate how long it takes for someone to feel comfortable in a new role. As a rule, I would allow for anything up to 18 months to settle in, especially if you’re in a leadership position.
When it comes to people though, by far the best way to build relationships is ‘in real life’. In my networking workshops, I demonstrate this with a diagram that shows this formula: people + time + shared experience = your network. What this means is that when people spend a significant amount of time together, having a shared experience like work, school or a club, they make real connections that will last throughout their careers.
So, first, consider whether it would be possible for you to go into the office more often, or at least until you have met a few more people. Depending on the office set up, this may be something you need to discuss with your line manager or team, but the chances of meeting more people is far higher the more visible you are.
Secondly, if you feel confident enough, be proactive and arrange to meet people face to face. You could ask them if a regular Teams meeting could be in person instead, or use the excuse that you’re new and would love to introduce yourself properly. Don’t forget that your colleagues probably want to get to know you as much as you want to get to know them, so don’t be shy and start reaching out. As an idea, one of the companies I coach introduced regular ‘walk and talk meetings’ as a way to get people to connect more. This wellbeing initiative not only got people away from their desks and into fresh air, but also made everyone feel more collaborative, more positive and more creative.
Finally, if approaching new faces directly fills you with dread, ask a team member to arrange a drink or a coffee with a few others you’d be keen to meet. If possible, organise it on a day that more people are in the office to make it easy for everyone to attend. It doesn’t matter whether two people or 10 people turn up, it’s a start, and a step forward from where you began.
Good luck!
Jo Glynn-Smith is a transformation coach, speaker and personal-brand expert from London who works with leaders, entrepreneurs and businesses to help maximise their team or individual potential. Before becoming a coach, she spent most of her career in the fashion industry working at the highest level with some of the biggest global brands. You can follow Jo for more coaching tips and advice on Instagram (@jojoglynnsmith) or visit her website, joglynnsmith.com.
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