Debra Messing Always Writes A Thank You Note

I first met Debra Messing last year at a City Meals on Wheels event. She is someone who stands out not only because she’s tall with an amazing mane of red hair, but because she’s incredibly warm and kind. Over the years, I’ve worked with, and met, many celebrities and Debra is one of the nicest. I recently interviewed Debra about being a mom, trying to be healthy, and why she has the best manners in Hollywood.

BB: How did you learn about makeup growing up?

DM: I learned everything from my mom. I grew up in Rhode Island, next to a farm, and the only magazines that we got wereGood Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal.  I learned all of my beauty tips from just watching my mother sit in front of her makeup mirror. I was always mesmerized by the transformation. It was magical, glamorous, feminine, and it was adult; it represented something to aspire to.

BB: Did your mom always know that you were going to be an actress?

DM: My mother was a singer. As a teenager, she was part of a girls quartet called The Brooktones and she used to record albums right next to Carol King and Carly Simon. So singing was in my genes. I started singing very young, taking dance lessons, and then of course, doing plays in high school. I wanted to go to the High School of Performing Arts—you knowFame?—and dance on taxis, but my mom thought it was too dangerous. Though she did always say, ‘You live once, so do what makes you happy.’ She never discouraged me.

You might like: An Interview With MSNBC’s Rula Jebreal

BB: You’ve been in the public eye for so many years, what it is like to have the pressure of looking perfect be part of your job?

DM: The pressure was most intense when I was younger and just experiencing fame for the first time. I really felt like every choice was incredibly consequential. So much of it is subjective, whether or not you are in favor at that time. It is something that you can’t entirely understand or control.  Now that I’m older I am more secure in who I am and my place within the industry. I am also more secure as a woman, and embracing this stage in my life. The pressure is still very much there, but I enjoy it more. I’ve always enjoyed the fantastical side of fashion and beauty.  Whenever I have an event, it’s a chance to transform into something else. I’ll find an old picture of Elizabeth Taylor from the 1960s with an incredible up-do and that will inspire a look. It’s a creative outlet for me.

BB: You do rock a very retro look often—and do it so well.

DM: I kind of have always felt that I was not born in the right time! I don’t know why, but we are judged no matter where we go. In magazines and blogs, everyone has an opinion about that lipstick color you chose or that dress that you chose, and you have to develop a thick skin in order to get to a point to be able to let it just roll off of you. You just say to yourself, “You know what, I’m doing this for me.”

BB: On the Internet, people don’t have to show who they are, and there are a lot of really mean writers and critics. I think it’s just such a terrible part of our culture. I certainly don’t like reading things about myself, and I’m not near the fame that you have. I just think it’s hurtful and anyone who says it doesn’t hurt is lying.

DM: I think you’re right. Human beings are vulnerable and I don’t know one person who thinks it’s funny to be annihilated by a stranger in writing. It’s a harder world to grow up in now, with the Internet, because I think we are not as protected. So I try and stay away from reading lots of blogs and things like that where I know it can be nasty.

You might like: Bobbi Chats With Laverne Cox

BB: You and I are both very sensitive when it comes to food and it’s taken me a long time to figure out what works. I am so grateful for all of the tips in the book you recommended, The Body Ecology. For anyone out there who has stomach issues, this is a great resource. But I don’t follow all of the rules—I like to drink alcohol and I am eating baguettes in Paris now. Do you always follow the rules?

DM: No I don’t always follow the rules.  I try, primarily because I feel better and have more endurance when I’m eating cleaner. I’m a single working mom and it is an incredibly exhausting marathon everyday, juggling it all. I just want to be as present and as good a mother and as good a friend and as good an employee as I possibly can. I just know I function better when I am more mindful.

BB: How do you handle trying to eat healthy with all of that everyday?

DM:  I prepare for anything and I pack everything so that I’m ready. My blood sugar drops if I go long stretches of time without food. I’m just not a nice person when I’m hungry!

BB: I doubt it, but go on…

DM: I carry food with me all the time, and it will be anything from sautéed vegetables with avocado to quinoa with vegetables. Just to have it with me if something goes wrong and I need to eat something. I also carry a Ziploc with a lot of mixed nuts, like walnuts and pecans and almonds with goji berries in there and dried papaya (its enzymes help you digest). It’s just a matter of being prepared because we travel so much, whether I’m on set for 14 hours straight or just trying to get my kid to school. It’s about keeping the motor running.

BB: I will give you some advice. I have three boys and when you’re in the midst of it, every second is about their schedule, their planning, their packing, and then all of a sudden they’re in college and out of the house. I wish I had the chaos again. So my advice is enjoy the chaos, enjoy his messes and enjoy being overwhelmed, because they go away. Now I love when they come home and there are giant shoes everywhere and they are watching some game.  I kind of smile and think OK, I’ll clean it up tomorrow.

DM: Exactly! So while you’re in Paris. I want you to eat lots of baguettes and pastries and drink lots of wine! Life is short! You can deal when you get back.

BB: I know you do a lot of volunteer work. What are you working on right now?

DM: I am still doing my work with Population Services International, I am the Global Ambassador for Youth Aids, and still trying to raise money for prevention and treatment for HIV in Africa.

BB: You know, you are the only celebrity who ever wrote me a thank you note for the VIP gifts my brand sent out.

DM: I can’t believe that.

BB: I’ll never forget that. Your parents did a good job!

DM: Oh thank you, I’m glad to be remembered for something kind.

You might like: Olivia Munn Embraces Her Flaws