With Election Day looming, here are some tips for excusing yourself from political talk
As the 2024 presidential election gets closer and closer, the more sensitive and somewhat desperate questions I receive asking for advice on how to politely handle a myriad of situations involving political conversations and discussions. Perhaps you, also, have found yourself in similar uncomfortable and somewhat potentially volatile situations.
While I do not have the ability to calm all the present emotions, some of which are reaching a feverish pitch, I can provide some common-sense etiquette options to maintain civility, not only with co-workers and colleagues, but often family and close friends as well.
Q. I am retired now and have coffee a couple times a month at a local coffee shop with some of my former co-workers. No matter what, someone brings up politics, and no matter how often I have told them I prefer not to discuss politics, they ask me who I am going to vote for in the presidential election or what I think about what each candidate has recently said, and on and on and on.
I am about ready to stop meeting with them, so should I just come right out and tell them why I don’t want to come any more or just give them some kind of fake excuse and not come until well after the election?
A. Honesty is always the best policy unless the truth will cause permanent damage or totally destroy a relationship. I suggest you make the following, unemotional comment, when you next meet your colleagues for coffee:
“I really enjoy seeing all of you and staying in touch, but I would really like it if we just didn’t talk about politics, especially the upcoming presidential election.
“I would rather talk about what you all are doing to fill your retirement days. Are you taking or planning trips? Are you playing golf? Have you seen any good movies or read any good books? What are your grandchildren doing? Talk about football predictions, not politics.
“So, could we please start today on a new foot?”
Hopefully, your request will be appreciated and respected. If not, perhaps you would feel better and be happier if you chose something else to do like playing golf, or joining an exercise group or a card group with people who did not concentrate on politics as their main topic.
Q. I am absolutely sick and tired of hearing about and talking about politics. Please give me some suggestions of what to say when family and friends continue to ask me who I am going to vote for in the presidential election?
A. Yes, the almost 24/7 news coverage about politics is rather overwhelming. Here are some suggestions:
“I am sorry but I don’t feel comfortable talking about who I will be voting for in the upcoming presidential election, so please don’t ask me anymore.”
“Who I am going to vote for in the presidential election is my private business, so let’s please talk about something else.”
“Politics is politics, and I am ready to talk about something else, like what did you think about the Chief’s game this week?”
“Oh, I don’t know, but did you see “America’s Got Talent” last week? I’m pulling for (whomever). Who do you hope wins?”
Q. I had a date this week with a really nice person whom I had met at the gym. One of the first questions out of his mouth after we ordered dinner was who was I going to vote for for president?
I thought that was way too personal so I tried to laugh it off by telling him I thought I would vote for him. He didn’t think it was funny and kept pressing me through dessert, so I finally told him it was really none of his business and if it mattered so much to him, I was ready to go home. So he took me home. Was I too direct? Was there a better, more polite way of handling this?
A. His question was definitely too personal and inappropriate.
If the answer was going to make a difference as to whether he would ask you for another date was even more inappropriate. His persistence in continuing to ask the same question obviously made you uncomfortable and would make anyone uncomfortable. You did your best to politely and jokingly have him stop asking so I feel you had the right to ask him to take you home.
Q. We have a barbecue coming up with our family to celebrate a birthday. Our recent gatherings have become rather heated because of talking about politics. Therefore, I plan on making this announcement as soon as everyone arrives: “My husband and I are so happy to have everyone here to celebrate (John Doe’s) birthday, and I know we are going to have a great time, but I have one request: Please, let’s not mention one word about politics. OK?”
Is this totally inappropriate?
A. Based on previous unpleasant discussions, your proposed comment is not inappropriate.
Q. Can you give me some tips for how to handle questions about the presidential election with people I can’t just not talk to about the subject?
A. Here are a few:
Do your homework first and actually write down some pros and cons about each candidate.
Do not try to convince anyone to vote for the person you will be voting for. It’s their decision and it is not your job to tell them what to do – even if you would like to do so.
Listen to what others have to say. If there is a “fact check” and you can verify an error, merely provide the information. If it is not well-received, do not enter into an argument, just let it go.
Do not be a know-it-all by going on and on. It is not your job to convince anyone anything. And, it is rude to monopolize the conversation.
Keep your cool and do not raise your voice. If everything is getting too heated, excuse yourself to go to the restroom, or go check on how the food is coming in the kitchen, or move to another room to talk to other guests.
If others are going back and forth, don’t interject your opinion or take sides.
Don’t interrupt others when they are stating their opinion even if they are stating inaccurate information.
Do not criticize either candidate.
Keep your language clean.
Do not condescend anyone just because they do not have the same opinion as yours.
It’s OK to tell someone, you appreciate and respect their opinion, but you just don’t have the same opinion and that’s OK.
Don’t be afraid to change the subject when you feel it is time to do so.
