What Should You Do With Your Engagement Ring When Getting a Divorce?
Update, 1/7/2025: Page Six reported today that after Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck split, Lopez will, in fact, keep the 8.5-carat natural green diamond engagement ring. Below, the original story from August 2024 on whether or not one should keep an engagement ring after divorce.
There were plenty of reasons to believe that the marriage between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck was going to go the distance. After all, the couple had been engaged twice, they had two weddings, there was a dreamy honeymoon in Paris, and, of course, T&C's favorite detail: The green diamond engagement ring with which Affleck popped the (second) question.
But as much as we were rooting for the couple, we aren't naive; many jewels outlast the marriages for which they're purchased, and sometimes what's given as a symbols of true love can be reduced to a valuable asset in a divorce. So, now that the pair have officially called it quits, what happens to that ring? Below, we investigate.
Keep or Return?
Searching for the perfect engagement ring is a daunting, expensive task. If the one who proposed went through the work to find a ring—and then paid for it—shouldn't they get it back?
"In no circumstance is a [proposer] entitled to 'take back' an engagement ring," Joanna Gong, a jewelry specialist, tells T&C. "That being said, it is in good etiquette that the [one proposed to] offers to return the ring, given the separation was a mutual decision that didn't involve more complex situations like a partner's infidelity."
For Gong, the partner who offered the ring initially should refuse to take it back, "a bit like the little dance on their first date," as she believes this is the best way for the parting couple to preserve decent thoughts about each other.
The exception is when the ring is a family heirloom. "These should be returned without hesitation," Gong says. "And this is the only case where re-proposing with the same ring is not frowned upon."
Will It Cover the Cost of Your Divorce Lawyer?
When it comes to engagement rings and divorce, it might be good to follow that old saying: out with the old and in with the new. Remember when things looked bright and you were showing your diamond off? It might be a good time to consider the benefits of the stone.
"Many people, particularly women, have had to liquidate their assets in order to pay rent, buy a new place, and cover legal costs," jewelry designer Briony Raymond says.
Flashback to 2022: Harry and Linda Macklowe called it quits after 57 years together and, after a bitter legal battle on how to split assets worth close to $2 billion, bid adieu to some of their treasures by auctioning them off. In total, the sale totaled more than $922 million. Decades before that, Elizabeth Taylor auctioned off her famous Taylor-Burton diamond in 1978 after her second divorce from Richard Burton. The ring sold for $5 million. Taylor donated the proceeds to the construction of a hospital in Botswana. Yours might cover your lawyer, or help you put a down payment on a new post-divorce pied-a-terre.
Love The Jewel! Not The Memories.
"Every time I look at the diamond, I see his face," a divorcée once told Raymond. You might not be enamored with your ex, but, oh, that diamond! It'll certainly come in handy at some point.
"Jewelry is visceral and emotional—one should repurpose it so long as it feels good for the heart," Raymond says. According to her, an engagement ring from a divorce or a broken engagement might still carry a negative sentiment. Using the stone in an entirely new way is a popular way to keep the jewel while leaving the old memories behind.
"The key is that the redesign should be intentional. You don't want to do a lazy design and have someone recognize that it was your former engagement ring," she says. "Changing the setting from platinum to gold isn't a big enough change. For one client, I paired the diamond with two colored stones and turned it into a cocktail ring. For another, I set the diamonds in a curb link chain and turned it into a choker. Redesigning and repurposing your engagement ring is like rewriting history, and you want to make sure the new version of it seems like it was made in a vacuum with no context or reminders of the past."
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