Etiquette Experts Reveal the Biggest Holiday Party Mistake You Can Make
The holiday season is in full swing, and with that comes a long list of invitations. From company bashes and white elephant gift exchanges to Hanukkah parties, and even the occasional Festivus airing of grievances.
But with all these social engagements comes the potential for mishaps, hurt feelings and other disasters. One way to make sure your next party is a success? Learn some proper etiquette to stay on your best behavior, especially the biggest holiday party etiquette mistakes to avoid. We spoke with a few experts to find out exactly how to avoid being rude or underprepared for your next holiday social gathering, and they offered plenty of wisdom. Whether you’re hosting or attending, make sure not to commit these holiday party etiquette faux pas this season.
Ignoring the RSVP
Being invited feels great, but forgetting to let your host know whether you’ll show up is extremely rude, especially when the host may be going all out with the meal and possibly even gifts.
“The host has enough of their plate without having to guess how many people to cater for,” says Jo Hayes, founder of EtiquetteExpert.org. “A well-mannered guest RSVP promptly, graciously, in the manner which the invitation directs (e.g. if it says email, don’t call in your RSVP), and asks if there is anything they can bring.”
Arriving with a surprise plus-one
While some parties are open to all, if you RSVP for two and bring a third wheel (including kids or pets) without prior notice, that’s a major no-no. Not only does it put the host in an awkward position, it can also cause disruption as there might not be enough food, seats or even gifts for the extra guests.
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Forgetting to bring a plate or gift
While this might not be necessary at a large company party, bringing a small token of appreciation is always considered good manners at dinner parties and other small gatherings.
“Even if the host insists guests not bring a thing, it’s good manners to bring at least a small gift for the host,” says Hayes. This could be anything from a bouquet of flowers (poinsettias are lovely for the holidays), a box of chocolates or a drink to share.
Not having enough to go around
“Ensure there’s plenty of food and drink for everyone, or your event might be remembered for all the wrong reasons,” says Elizabeth Soos, founder of the Auersmont School of Etiquette and Protocol, based in Australia.
As a host, that means preparing enough food and drink, respecting dietary restrictions and offering non-alcoholic beverages. As a guest, that means sharing generously rather than hogging one dish or dessert!
Forgetting a festive ambiance
If you’re inviting someone over for a Christmas dinner or a New Year’s Eve party, your guests are going to expect at least a little holiday atmosphere. “Festive touches like seasonal decorations, music, and thoughtful lighting can transform a gathering, energizing your guests and making them feel good,” says Soos. “A well-curated vibe isn’t just decorative — it sets the tone for the entire party.”
As a guest, be respectful of the ambiance the host has set by not hijacking the playlist, rearranging the decor or getting rowdy from having too much to drink.
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Not engaging with the other guests
Hosting a party often means bringing together lots of different people who don't know one another or may not naturally mesh right off the bat. If you’re a host, it’s up to you to introduce guests to one another and help ease them into socializing (or at least to enlist your most extroverted friend to do this for you).
But if your host is busy, experts agree it’s up to you as a guest to mingle, engage others and make it a great and memorable holiday party for all. Don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone!
Overdoing the booze
It’s easy to accidentally go overboard with alcohol at a holiday party, but it’s important to keep things respectable, especially if you’re celebrating with co-workers. “Excessive drinking can lead to unprofessional behavior — think loud conversations, inappropriate jokes or even regrettable actions,” reminds Soos.
Stay in control by eating enough and drinking plenty of water so as not to wake up with a headache and regrets.
Starting heated debates
Etiquette experts say you should steer clear of controversial topics (yes, even in the wake of an election) to keep things light. “If a potentially controversial topic comes up, keep comments very neutral, and graciously steer the conversation back onto safer ground,” says Hayes.
As a guest, you can always excuse yourself from the conversation; as a host, you can intervene and do whatever is needed to ensure the well-being of your guests and get the festivities back on track.
Not offering to help the host
Listen, you don’t have to spend the entire party hovering behind your host. But offering to help once or twice shows that you not only understand how difficult hosting can be, but that you also appreciate their efforts.
“Whether it’s setting the table, chopping vegetables, or washing the dishes, lending a hand shows thoughtfulness and gratitude for their efforts,” says Soos.
Overstaying your welcome
Know the saying, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here?” That goes for holiday parties as well. Hayes says once most guests have left, the music is off and the hosts are gathering up trash, you can safely assume the party is over. After offering to help clean up, politely thank your host for a lovely and festive evening, gather your things and head home.
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