The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Dec. 28-Jan. 3)

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded as X, their humor lives on.

Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.

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if anyone giving my eulogy says i lit up a room just know that is not true.

— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) January 1, 2025 ">

being realistic pic.twitter.com/VOBTz5c9TF

— LJ 🦧 (@crotchner2) January 2, 2025 ">

I don't think Sinead O'Connor knew how lucky she was when her doctor said, "Girl you better try to have fun
no matter what you do," because my doctor tells me to stop eating and get a fucking life.

— Annie the Nanny (@AnnietheNanny1) January 1, 2025 ">

We don’t have to keep doing this pic.twitter.com/citFTxyDrJ

— paige (@BonerWizard) December 30, 2024 ">

I didn’t realize the Pop Tarts Bowl was a real game I thought it was gonna be an animated football game played by pastries

— claire rogers (@kclairerogers) December 28, 2024 ">

So we all agree that Jan 2nd-5th is still 2024 right? Monday is the new year.

— Case (@Cactuscali1991) January 2, 2025 ">

“you have 26 missed calls” i assure you they were not missed

— ugh (@ughfinewhatever) December 30, 2024 ">

nosferatu (2024) https://t.co/vc9UuQftCd

— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) December 31, 2024 ">

Sorry I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and i’m still recovering from that.

— Kristen (@Kica333) December 28, 2024 ">

why is there a second identical woman smiling in the background. is that the backup wife https://t.co/CeQMcnQnIy

— trash jones (@jzux) January 2, 2025 ">

Most women are just private investigators who aren’t getting paid.

— BOOP (@Bootyfuluni) December 29, 2024 ">

may my ass and wallet get fatter this year

— kayla🫧 (@trulykaykay) January 1, 2025 ">

How is my younger brother turning 40 this week when I myself am but 29

— meghan (@deloisivete) December 30, 2024 ">

anderson cooper to andy cohen after 3 shots https://t.co/yD99sJF11i

— georgie (@georgsoup) January 1, 2025 ">

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 1, 2025 ">

People with recipes that are ‘better than sex’ must have the worst sex life and I feel sorry for them.

— Ginger (@gingerbrigade1) December 30, 2024 ">

by age 26 you should have:

• 4-7 pairs of pyjama bottoms that you’ve owned for 10 years
• an anxious avoidant attachment style
• weird relationship with food and alcohol and sex
• a really good water bottle that keeps water cold for like 24 hours

— dr fárt (@emofiat500) January 1, 2025 ">

I thrive in a waiting room. u need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries love i do this at home

— steph (@steph_mcca) January 2, 2025 ">

absolute worst guy you know is currently telling his friends he’s gonna “try his hand at standup comedy”

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 1, 2025 ">

Jimmy Carter was like, "2025? Nah I'm good."

— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) December 29, 2024 ">

I like to cure a case of the sads with cheese therapy.

— That bitch with the bacon tattoo (@tashaneedshelp) December 31, 2024 ">

I intend to make better mistakes next year.

— BOOP (@Bootyfuluni) December 31, 2024 ">

whats up with that thing people do where they have to do a performance for other adults to prove they are SO TIRED and LOVE GOING HOME EARLY and CANCELLING PLANS?

— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) January 2, 2025 ">

so there’s “you’re cooking” (good) “you’re cooked” (bad) “let them cook” (good) “they cooked you” (bad) “you cooked” (good) “what were they cooking” (bad)

— anna !!! :) 🇵🇸🌸✨🌸🇵🇸 (@frogs4girls) January 1, 2025 ">

What doesn’t kill you would make a great essay in The Cut

— Suzy Exposito (@HexPositive) December 31, 2024 ">

https://t.co/ZctC8HhKXYpic.twitter.com/wLw2VKOiCU

— Letícia (@yxakirves) December 29, 2024 ">

“Microdozing” sounds way cooler than “napping.”

Hey bro, I’m gonna go microdoze. See you in a few.

— BOOP (@Bootyfuluni) January 1, 2025 ">

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching

— who cares (@DianaG2772) January 2, 2025 ">

My my my, how quickly we go from not knowing what day it is to being acutely aware of what day it is.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) January 1, 2025 ">

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