How to gift smartphones and gadgets to your child this season

You’re giving your child a smartphone, tablet, laptop, gaming device or some other variation of the latest connected, shiny, must-have electronic doodad.

And why not, you think? All their friends have one. They’ve done all their chores without whining (too much), do just fine in school, and promise to continue being as sweet as can be — if they get that one gadget-y gift that will make their lives complete.

Kids as young as the age of four want their own devices. That’s a reality of the world we live in today. But it doesn’t mean you should just wrap up that expensive everything-gadget and hope for the best. After all, the pitfalls are many, and the payoffs can be short-lived. (Also, don’t give a preschooler their own smartphone. That’s just nuts.)

So, before you hand over the keys to the world of smart gadgets, here’s what you need to know — and do — to keep your child safe and secure.

Do your homework

Digital parenting is hard. As a tech journalist — and mom — I know firsthand how tough it is to stay one step ahead of the negatives that constant connection brings. From social media, cyberbullying and even device addiction — the struggle is real — yours and theirs.

Pew Research Center just published its latest findings on teens, social media and technology. The survey found that “amid national concerns about technology’s impact on youth, many teens are as digitally connected as ever. Most teens use social media and have a smartphone, and nearly half say they’re online almost constantly.”

Take a moment to consider what device addiction is like from a teenager's perspective. Reddit threads and parenting magazines offer valuable insights. Listen to what teenagers wish their parents had known and done to understand their struggles better.

Sign a contract

I love a great tool, and contracts that set everyone’s expectations are necessary. I use the Family Device Agreement, which the folks behind the Aura safety app created. They gave us permission to repost a handy digital version at Techish that lets you fill it out, save it digitally, and print out a copy that you can post to your fridge. Fill it out with your child, and refer to it as often as you need to keep everything copacetic at home.

Raising balanced digital humans takes a lot of time, energy and patience to learn a whole lot about technology, often one step behind your little one. That means the earlier you start, the better. Set up expectations and have “safe surfing” talks early and often. If you need some additional guidance here, try Aura’s digital parenthood site or other fantastic resources from OGs like Common Sense Media.

Now they’re ready to unwrap the gadget

The most crucial next step is to set up an account tailored to your child's needs on the specific new device you are giving them. Both iOS and Android offer specialized accounts for children, which integrate seamlessly with the Family Sharing (Apple) and Family Link (Android) features.

To set up Family Sharing on an iOS device, go to the Settings app, add a new account and put in your child’s correct birthdate. This unlocks age-appropriate app ratings and restrictions. For Android users, setting up Family Link involves creating a Google account for your child and adding them to your Family Group.

In both cases, you, as the parent, see download activity, usage statistics and can enable location sharing, which I highly recommend.

There are several options within the family apps, but I recommend these:

• Block adult websites: Enable “Limit Adult Websites” on iOS and SafeSearch on Android.

• Limit app downloads: Restricting app downloads to the appropriate age range is a must. Pick the age group your child falls into, or choose to block app downloads entirely, only allow apps that you, as the parent, install yourself.

• Restrict movies and TV shows by age: On both iOS and Android, limiting what content your youngster can view happens within Family Sharing and Family Link, respectively. In both cases, setting the content ratings to G and TV-G prevents children from stumbling across anything too “adult” for them.

You’re not done yet. These settings take effect within built-in apps like Safari and Chrome, but aren’t always entirely comprehensive. That’s where third-party apps come in. Use apps specifically made for this job like Aura’s parental controls ($10/month), Bark ($14/month), Qustodio ($55/year) or one of the others we’ve reviewed. Be sure whatever you choose works on just about anything — iOS, Android, Windows, etc. — and provides restriction options for specific apps like Snapchat or TikTok.

The great screen-time debate

How much time is too much time for a kid to stare at a digital screen? If I had the answer, I’d probably be lying on a beach right now. The truth is that every child is different, and every parent’s limits are unique.

Even the American Academy of Pediatrics says no hard number makes sense for every kid. So, what to do?

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I prefer a schedule-based system that doesn’t put a strict limit on screen time but still encourages kids to look at something other than their phone, tablet or computer for the vast majority of the day (and night). Both iOS and Android provide the ability to limit app usage by scheduling windows of time where it’s allowed and blocking apps outside of those times.

My daughter is well into adulthood, but if I were setting screen time limitations for a tween or younger teenager today, it might look something like this:

• 10 PM - 3 PM: During the school year, there’s really no need for most apps during the day or even night.

  • Communication apps - ALLOWED

  • Internet browser - Blocked

  • Entertainment apps - Blocked

  • Games - Blocked

• 3 PM - 6 PM: Kids get home from school and should tackle their homework, but might need access to the internet.

  • Communication apps - ALLOWED

  • Internet browser - ALLOWED

  • Entertainment apps - Blocked

  • Games - Blocked

• 6 PM - 8 PM: With homework done, it’s time to have fun.

  • Communication apps - ALLOWED

  • Internet browser - ALLOWED

  • Entertainment apps - ALLOWED

  • Games - ALLOWED

• 8 PM – 10 PM: Falling asleep to a favorite show or music is no big deal, but games and web surfing end now. (Assuming she normally falls asleep around 10 pm.) But remember, no phones in bedrooms at night. Charge them up in the kitchen or other common areas where they won’t disrupt sleep.

  • Communication apps - ALLOWED

  • Internet browser - Blocked

  • Entertainment apps - ALLOWED

  • Games - Blocked

There are a million ways to handle this, so this is just one example. You know your child better than I do, so take some time to come up with a balanced plan that makes sense — and don’t be afraid to change things over time!

Built-in safety

On top of the guardrails you enable when setting up a child’s account, both iOS and Android feature additional safeguards as well.

For iPhone and iPad, enabling Communication Safety adds a layer of protection from unwanted messages your child might receive, including harmful images. Going one step further, turning off location sharing is a wise move too, as many apps ask for it without really needing it, potentially opening the door to real-time location tracking of your youngster.

Android features Play Protect to keep malware from being installed through Google’s Play Store, but parents should also disable location tracking for apps that don’t need it to function. You can also restrict messaging to specific phone numbers to keep spammers from flooding your kid’s message inbox.

Enable your intuition

These controls and guardrails are fantastic ways to keep your child safe with their new device but don’t forget that your insights are the key to making this all work. Encourage your new phone-toting kid to ask questions and share how they use their gadget. Ask them about cool things they’ve seen on YouTube or their favorite TikTok (if they’re allowed).

The goal is to empower them to navigate the digital world responsibly so that once you take off the training wheels, the oversight and interactions you have now create positive results down the road.

Jennifer Jolly is an Emmy Award-winning consumer tech columnist and on-air contributor for "The Today Show.” The views and opinions expressed in this column are the author's and do not necessarily reflect those of USA TODAY. Contact her at JJ@Techish.com or @JennJolly on Instagram. 

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Essential tips before gifting gadgets to your kids this holiday