It was a good vs. evil smackdown in hardware store: Will holiday ‘creep’ ever end?
When I entered the hardware store, I was blissfully unaware that I would be confronted with a battle between good and evil. But there I was, standing right in the middle of what appeared to be a war.
On one side was a 12-foot beast that at first glance appeared to be a scarecrow. But it was a terrifying one. The lungs on this hay-stuffed demon seemed to be on fire and its face (one only Satan could love) was a skull with glowing eyes. It also delighted on insisting that everyone in the store should “run for your life.”
This fierce and frightening figure was surrounded by a squad of equally terrifying allies in evil, including a bone collector and a rotting reaper that kept repeating I was “right to cower in fear.”
I was overwhelmed with confusion as to how a hardware store had morphed into a house of horror.
Then I turned my head to the left and saw what can only be described as a vision of goodness overlaid with sweetness. Was I smelling gingerbread? The comforting feeling that all would be well washed over me. Because I had locked eyes with my protector and it was a 12-foot Santa Claus who glowed from within.
He was surrounded by an army of smaller Santas, reindeer, elves, Frosty the Snowman and even a Santa riding a T-Rex.
One might not think that this collection of Christmas merriment could take on a demented scarecrow and his evil troop of death reapers, but Santa has Christmas magic so I was putting my money on team Claus.
This meant I quickly ran over to Santa and hid behind a 6-foot, pre-lit, flocked artificial Christmas tree to see what would happen next.
Would the scarecrow of doom invade the Christmas aisle? Would Santa vanquish the hideous animatronic Halloween collection? Are the forces of good and evil going to fight or just stare at each other until Nov. 1, when the scary Halloween decor will be vanquished to the clearance aisle?
Unfortunately I didn’t have the time to perch behind a Christmas tree for the entire afternoon. But thinking logically I knew if there was going to be a throw-down it would probably happen after the store closed.
As I drove home I got a tad ticked off about Santa and company having to stare at all those horrifying Halloween decorations. It can’t be good for the ho, ho, ho, and holly jolly of it all. What if it seriously affects the Christmas spirit?
This is what happens when retail goes rogue and doesn’t give individual holidays a time to breathe. In a perfect word, we wouldn’t be seeing Christmas displays before the local pools closed for the summer.
But alas here we are. Economists call it “Christmas creep” and it’s been creeping for a while. It seems quaint now that we used to get upset that Christmas decorations were up in late October. Now, you can see holiday decor in stores while you’re back-to-school shopping.
Because I consider myself a holiday purist, I find all of this unsettling and fear that it does mess with my festive mojo. I like to savor each holiday and seeing a Halloween vs. Christmas smackdown in a hardware store makes me a little anxious.
Especially because Halloween decor has crossed over from being a wee bit scary to gruesome. Is it wrong that I want to live in a world where Santa doesn’t have to stare down a demonic scarecrow who’s on an audio loop saying he’s “searching for new prey?”
Christmas deserves better,and just as a sidebar: Can we get Santa off that T-Rex and bring in Rudolph?
Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs @snarkynsuburbs, on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and on TikTok @snarkyinthesuburbs and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.
