Help! My Kid Won’t Eat Their Packed Lunch.
My little brother was an extremely picky eater. Throughout elementary school, he left sandwiches untouched, soup still hot in its thermos — and salad (pasta, potato or plain green) never stood a chance. Eventually, my mother walked a hot lunch over to him: pork chops, baked potatoes, plain pasta and chicken thighs.
According to the experts we spoke with, it’s not just my siblings bringing home their uneaten bento box every day. Skipping lunch is fairly typical. Crystal Karges, a registered dietitian nutritionist in San Diego, shared, “[Refusing lunch] is more common than you might think, especially for neurodivergent children, who may struggle with the standard lunchtime schedule in school settings, leading them to eat less at school. However, just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s the norm for your child.”
Here’s what the experts recommend.
Picky Eater Or Distracted Diner?
Whether it’s an Instagram-worthy heart-shaped pizza made with English muffins with crinkle-cut fruit and veggies or a plain ham-and-cheese sandwich, when your kid brings it back uneaten, it’s hard not to blame the lack of enthusiasm on the meal. But not so fast, said Sarah Remmer, a registered dietitian and founder of The Centre for Family Nutrition in Calgary, Canada, who explained that your cooking might not be the problem.
“It could be that [your kids] just simply aren’t hungry — perhaps they had a filling breakfast or ate quite a bit the previous day,” she said. “Or they don’t have enough time to focus on their lunch and are too busy socializing or playing. It might be something totally obscure like not being able to open a container or baggie!”
Another culprit for a less-than-enthusiastic response could be back-to-school stress and change of routines. Moving from lazy summer days with easy access to the pantry for snacks to more rigid routines around when and what to eat can be unsettling, according to Cuyler Romeo, an occupational therapist and pediatric feeding specialist in Phoenix.
“It may be difficult for them to eat on demand according to a set schedule that they’re not used to following, and then you layer into that being given select foods in a particular way with limited access,” Romeo said.
Nutritional Concerns
If your first instinct is to panic that your growing kiddo isn’t getting their nutritional needs met, Karges reassures that most children naturally make up for any gaps by eating more before or after school. Try packing lunches that include kid faves along with new foods that they are still learning to enjoy.
4 Ways To Encourage Kids To Eat Their Lunches
Start a conversation.
First, get to the root of the problem by chatting with your child about why they aren’t eating their food. Try asking with curiosity rather than frustration. Is it that they find their containers challenging to open? Or perhaps their lunch box is embarrassing them. “Gently approach the subject by ‘noticing’ that your child is coming home with an uneaten lunch,” Remmer said. “This will open up a safe discussion vs. if a parent said something like, ‘Why does your school lunch always come home uneaten?! This is such a waste!’ which may feel threatening or as if they’re in trouble (which means they may shut down). Then allow them to tell you what’s going on.”
Involve kids in the process.
The days when I’m most likely to “forget” my lunch (typically a sad desk salad) and go out with colleagues are when I’m not looking forward to the wilting greens in the office fridge. Kids are the same. Romeo recommends getting them involved in the lunch packing process from start to finish. “The more that they can interact with the food and put it in their lunchbox and prepare it, the more they’re mentally aware that this is what I’m going to eat for lunch that day,” she said.
Offer choices.
If your budget allows, provide a few options for your child. An apple or a banana for a snack, or both, since, as Romeo shared, “Eating is on a continuum. We just need to give grace to those around us. Everyone’s different, and it’s OK that eating doesn’t look the same.”
Partner with the school.
Partner with your school’s administration and teachers to suss out the lunchroom situation. If kids are more interested in playing than eating, pack nutrient-dense snacks that can sustain them rather than one big meal, Remmer recommended.
When To Get Professional Help
“More than likely, if a child has or is developing an eating disorder, they’re showing other signs of this as well (not just the uneaten school lunch),” Remmer said. “They may be skipping out on breakfast and dinner as well or they may have a lot of anxiety around mealtimes or food, or perhaps they’ve become more fixated on their health, weight or size.”
If you’re concerned your child is developing an eating disorder, speak to your family physician, or you can find more information at the National Eating Disorder Association.
Romeo recommends ruling out pediatric feeding disorder or avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) if the school year is well underway and kids are still having difficulty with their lunches. Pediatric feeding disorder causes impaired intake of food and beverages due to physical or psychosocial dysfunction. ARFID is an eating disorder that involves an intense aversion to textures, smells and appearances rather than control over body image.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org for support.
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