Here's How to Find Roommates for Your First Apartment
Klaus Vedfelt
Teen Vogue's Twentysomethings Guide is your go-to resource for the more confusing parts of going out on your own.
Finding a roommate after graduating from college can seem daunting, especially if you’re moving to a new city where you don’t know many people. While some recent graduates decide to live with friends or acquaintances from school, relying on their extended social networks to find possible candidates, others strike out on their own, turning to online communities like local Facebook groups and Reddit to conduct a roommate search.
“If you are living somewhere with a university, definitely use the resources that the university has,” says Mary Bence, who graduated from Barnard College last year. When Bence moved from New York City to New Haven, Connecticut, she was counting on living with roommates to help her save on rent. Since New Haven is a college town, the local housing groups she joined online were full of people around her age, many in similar situations.
Searching for roommates throughout your 20s is more common than you might think. A 2018 Pew Research Center survey found that one in three adults in the United States lives in a shared household. And that number will only grow as cities across America face housing shortages and rising costs of living.
Here’s what you should consider when deciding who to share a living space with.
Determining Your Housing and Roommate Non-Negotiables
While online groups and extended friend networks are a great place to find roommates, you should outline your preferences before you officially begin your search. This means sitting down to determine what your budget is, your gender preferences for future roommates, and neighborhoods within the city that appeal to you.
In addition to basic concerns like rent and location, there are also smaller matters to weigh, such as your ideal division of chores and pet or drug policies, which can be critical to iron out ahead of time. College dorm questionnaires often ask what you consider to be quiet hours, or if you’d call yourself a messy or neat person.
Hannah Goldberg, a former Emory University student, says she moved into her current living situation not knowing two of the three people in the house. Her friend who already lived there had “vetted” the other roommates for her, but Goldberg was still a little apprehensive because her friend wasn’t as close to those other people.
“One thing that made me nervous was my friend [who] I already knew doesn't get along with them as well," Goldberg recalls. "She was like, ‘They're good roommates, but I don't go and hang out with them all the time.’”
That was a semi-red flag for her, Goldberg says, but the roommates did fit her preferences: They were both young and queer, and their cat was a plus. Another green flag she noticed going in: The other roommates had jobs and helped each other with rent when needed. They also had a weekly house meeting to divide up chores and smooth out any conflicts. Getting to know the house’s culture before moving in reassured Goldberg, especially since she was moving to a new state.
Says Seamus McNally, CEO of TurboTenant, “Whichever route you take, make sure to always meet with the person first before you agree to the arrangement."
Raymond Ma, a sales associate at Boston-based real estate company Metro Realty, says recent graduates should keep in mind that some apartments may require a co-signer with a minimum credit score and salary. This is often a parent, he notes, but it can also be a salaried adult who meets the requirements.
Searching for Roommates Online
When you have an idea of your ideal budget, location, and the size of the apartment you’re looking for, it’s time to start the roommate search. Like Bence, Ma recommends going online to look at local subreddits or even Discord servers.
“I was part of the creation of the Boston Meet Housing Discord server in early 2022,” Ma tells Teen Vogue via email. According to him, the server has over 1,800 members, with biweekly roommate-matching events happening virtually between April and August. During these events potential roommates mingle and talk in group chats. Ma found his current living situation using his server.
McNally recommends using sites like Roomies, SpareRoom, and Roomster, all platforms dedicated to helping people find roommates. Similar to dating apps, users can enter their preferences and share information about themselves to find matches.
Says Bence, major cities like New York often have female-only or queer-only Facebook housing groups, which makes filtering out preferences easier for marginalized people. And many online communities frequented by recent graduates offer a forum for swapping budget-friendly listings.
Still, if you’re not comfortable going online to find a roommate, there are other options — and they might be available to you even before you graduate. “It’s a great idea for [Gen Z apartment hopefuls] to look into alumni groups they are a part of," McNally explains, "as that can be a good way to potentially find a roommate with less worry about the situation being a scam or the person not being a good fit for you.”
Transitioning From Friends to Roommates
Rooming with friends can be risky because sometimes great friends make awful roommates. But establishing good communication and mutually agreed upon expectations can lead to stronger friendships and solid post-grad housing situations.
Jack Izzo, a recent college graduate who lives in Chicago, says his search for roommates started with his college friend group. He decided on two friends pretty quickly, and has now been living with them for just under a year. Izzo realizes rooming with friends doesn’t work for everybody, but it made the experience of living with roommates less intimidating for him.
“You should think of that person as your roommate before your friend because it's the context in which you see them more,” he says. Being friends didn’t change anything about how Izzo and his roommates set up their living arrangement. They still split chores, settle utilities, and hold one another accountable when problems come up.
If anything, Izzo says, being friends makes them more likely to forgive or accommodate one another when the need for compromise arises. For example, one of his current roommates needed to commute to a nearby suburb using public transportation, so their apartment search was quickly narrowed down to places along the train tracks.
Navigating Conflict
Agreeing on the budget, proximity to work, and the local social scene can be difficult, Bence says, but it might also serve as a test for how you and a potential roommate will handle decision-making and difficult conversations.
As a former residential assistant at Barnard, Bence says, she often mediated disputes. Based on that role and her personal experiences, she’s learned it might be difficult to state your boundaries initially, but if both people are approaching a situation maturely and with respect, most problems can be sorted out.
You might not match up on everything, but it’s still important to agree on your living-arrangement priorities before moving in with someone.
Originally Appeared on Teen Vogue
