50 Best New Year's Jokes for Adults and Kids
Leading up to New Year's Eve and 2025, it's normal to think about change in our lives and what we may want to do differently in the new year. For some, it's being more mindful, while others strive to expand their reading lists. But one thing everyone could benefit from in 2025? Having more humor in our lives, and these funny New Year's jokes and punchy one-liners can certainly start us all off on the right foot.
This list is full of the most hilarious dad jokes, silliest jokes for kids and super clever puns that family and friends of all ages will certainly enjoy on New Year's Eve. The possibilities are endless — you can recite one or two while making a heartfelt New Year's toast or use them for your Instagram captions accompanying all your glittery New Year's selfies. Another idea? Send these humorous New Year’s wishes to your loved ones via text when the clock strikes midnight to spread some instant cheer.
No matter how you use them, we guarantee a few of your favorites on this list will end up becoming regular corny jokes you say from time to time when someone's in need of a little chuckle.
What's a spider's New Year's resolution?
To spend less time on the web.
What do you tell someone you didn't see on New Year's Eve?
I haven't seen you for a year!
What does every new year have in store for us?
Another 365 days!
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve?
To ring in the new year.
How did Prince celebrate the new millennium?
He partied like it was 1999.
What does a ghost say on January 1st?
Happy Boo Year!
Why is partying in Times Square overrated?
Because they drop the ball every year.
What should people never eat on New Year's Eve?
Fire crackers.
What does a field grow on January 1?
New Year’s hay.
In what year did Christmas Day and New Year's Day fall in the same year?
Every year!
What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
Hogs and kisses.
Last year, I was able to keep all of my New Year's resolutions...
... tucked away in a journal on my bookshelf.
What does a caterpillar do on January 1?
Turns over a new leaf.
What did the chef make for his New Year's dinner?
New Year's filet.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Radio. Radio who?
Radio not, it’s a new year.
Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve.
It’s December 31st.
Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?
He wanted to make a New Year's toast!
Where do you go to do math homework on New Year’s?
Times Square.
How can you keep a New Year's resolution to read more while never opening a book?
Watch TV with subtitles.
What was Dr. Frankenstein's New Year's resolution?
To make new friends.
What do snowmen like to do on New Year's Eve?
Chill out!
What do you call someone who says they know all the words to "Auld Lang Syne"?
A liar.
What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make?
To travel more.
Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year's Eve?
He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.
Knock knock. Who's there? Cheese.
Cheese who? For cheese a jolly good fellow.
What did the cat say on New Year's Eve?
"Meow."
Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?
It's too far to walk.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating.
But I’ll wait until tomorrow to start.
New Year?
I just got used to this last one!
What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
Social Security.
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.
What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
The ice falls out of your drinks!
Knock knock. Who's there? Abby.
Abby who? Abby New Year!
My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full...
... with either rum, vodka or whiskey.
What is corn’s favorite holiday?
New Ear's Day.
What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
Moo Year's Day!
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year...
... but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds...
... Only 15 more to go!
What is a New Year's resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other.
What's the best New Year's resolution?
1080p.
My New Year's resolution is to break my New Year's resolutions.
That way I succeed at something!
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?
He got 12 months!
An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year's Eve.
One was charged and the other was let off.
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
Let’s celebrate New Year’s Eve...
... by making many pour decisions!
I would lose weight for my New Year's resolution...
... but I hate losing.
Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve?
Because 9, 8, 7...
Who gets the most excited about the New Year's Eve countdown?
Calendar companies.
What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus?
No one is ever awake to see them.
My resolution was to read more...
... so I put the subtitles on my TV.
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