Humboldt Broncos survivor Tyler Smith was 'consumed' trying to remember tragic accident: 'I don't have any recollection of that day'

Tyler Smith, a former forward for the Humboldt Broncos, has dedicated his life to raising awareness for mental health. The now 26-year-old was one 13 survivors of the April 2018 bus crash that killed 16 people, including 10 of his teammates. After sustaining multiple injuries, including a broken collarbone, broken shoulder blade and nerve damage in his left arm, Smith began the long process of healing both physically and emotionally from the tragedy.

In the years since the accident, Smith has become a mental health advocate — he also won The Amazing Race Canada in 2023 alongside his fiancée, Kathryn Kastner.

In a new interview with Emily Cave Boit on the “You Are More with Emily Cave Boit” podcast, Smith spoke about grief, mental health and his relationship with hockey today.

Here’s everything we learned from the interview.

He doesn't remember the day of the accident

Smith has no memory of April 6, 2018, the day a semi-truck ran a red light and struck the bus carrying his junior A hockey team and staff.

"I don't have any recollection of that day," he said. "And I think in a weird way, that is a major blessing in disguise in my life. And I've had to embrace that."

Although he doesn't recall the details of the accident, Smith said it has been "difficult" not to have memories of the final, happy moments with his friends.

"I think that's something that I still have a hard time with and I still struggle with because grief is so profound," he said, adding that he used to be "consumed" with trying to remember the accident. "I've come to terms with the fact that it is a major blessing in disguise and something that I think I can embrace now...the mental and emotional trauma from that day is truly something I can't even fathom."

Navigating the media spotlight after the accident

Smith was hospitalized for 13 days following the accident — and says his parents did their best to shield him from media attention.

"The weeks afterwards, I really wanted to just like curl up in a ball and just like never come out," he said. "My parents, my mom especially did a very good job of like kind of protecting me from all the requests and all of this."

However, Smith said he found it "hard" to avoid the media because he was so grateful for the public's support following the accident. He feels a responsibility to share his story because of the kindness that was shown to him, fellow survivors and the families of the crash victims.

"I know what people can do when we come together. I know what we can do when we come together as a collective to uplift and to support," he said.

Grief 'triggers' and survivor's guilt

In the wake of the accident, Smith said he would purposely seek out reminders or potential triggers from the accident to put him in a "mental spiral to feel something." Now, Smith says he can "sit in" his grief and gives himself permission to feel sadness when something reminds him of the people he lost.

"There are certain moments where it can consume you...," he said. "I think it's part of the grieving process and a part of the trauma process where those moments are tough and excruciating, but it's still important to feel."

Smith said it's been difficult of him to accept the "unanswerable questions."

"I think that's something that I had to come to terms with, and I know that I'll still ask myself why," he said. "...I carry that thought of, 'You could have done something'... I think that's still part of that relationship with your own survivor's guilt of like, there's only so much that you can carry.”

Smith said he's been asked whether he feels pressure to make the most of each day after surviving the tragic accident.

"I'm trying my best," he said, adding that the accident changed his perspective on how people move throughout the world. "You can see that people are just truly trying their best every single day."

He was reluctant to seek help for his mental health

Smith and his fiancée, Kastner, have become vocal champions for mental health. The pair work to promote Smith's foundation, Not Alone, to help end the stigma surrounding mental health issues.

Despite his new career path, Smith was initially reluctant to seek help in the wake of the accident. In 2023 he said he focused on his physical recovery rather than his grief and the impact of the trauma. He began drinking to suppress his feelings and was having outbursts of anger.

Smith was living with a billet family in Saskatchewan while he was playing for the Humboldt Broncos. Billet families open their homes and provide support to players who have relocated for the hockey season. He credits his billet mom for helping him turn things around after the accident.

"My billet mom like just plain out said, 'You're gonna promise me that you seek help.' And that was like the first time in my life where I was hit with the simple fact [that] hurt people hurt people," Smith said. "And I was really starting to hurt my people because I wasn't coming to terms with anything.”

Smith's relationship to hockey

Smith said he was initially worried that the trauma from the accident would take away his love for hockey.

"I was very nervous and I was very frustrated about my relationship with hockey," he said. " Every time I walk into a dressing room, I'm going to want to see faces that I'm not going to be able to see anymore. And I think that was something that just rocked me because I was like, 'How am I going to go into a rink anymore and like enjoy it?"

Smith decided to leave Humboldt Broncos and went back to Leduc to play Junior B division hockey.

"It was such a simple thing, but it gave me a reason to love the game again and love going out there," he said. "...There wasn't a demand. I wasn't trying to be a pro hockey player or get a scholarship anymore.”

Smith said he learned to "get back to basics" and enjoy being with a team again. Now he continues playing hockey and coaching young teams.

"I understand that what we had in Humboldt was the Mount Everest of camaraderie and the Mount Everest of a foundation of what a team is built on," he said. "And now I can hopefully bring what we had a little bit and implement it into new dressing rooms and new rinks that I go into."

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