My husband and I take turns going on solo international trips without our kids. The arrangement works for us both.
My husband and I started to take turns going on solo international trips without our kids.
We love the arrangement, and I came back from my first trip feeling refreshed and like a better mom.
Being a parent is tough, but traveling and taking some alone time has helped me remember who I am.
When I became a mother nine years ago, my entire world changed.
I felt like I had to become totally selfless in an instant. Suddenly, my life revolved around this tiny human I'd grown and was dictated by feeds, day sleeps, nighttime routines, and midnight lullabies.
The feeling of being completely responsible for another person was both rewarding and absolutely exhausting.
As the years passed, I felt more parts of my former identity fall away. I started dressing differently, donning practical mom outfits and basic activewear instead of my usual flamboyant boots and scarves.
I stopped doing some of the things I loved, including traveling solo. I felt as if I had to direct all my energy into being the best mom I could be.
But travel had been an enormous part of my life from as far back as I could remember. Growing up, my mom would work really hard, save money, and then take me with her on trips around the globe. By the time I was 15, I'd been to six continents.
As I grew into a young woman, I followed her lead, working and saving for a year and then escaping on an epic adventure to somewhere exotic.
Late last year, I felt as if I'd reached my capacity of what I could give to my family. I was completely depleted and needed to make a change, for my own well-being and for everyone else's, too. So, I did.
When my husband asked whether I minded if he went to Japan with his mates in February, I said to go for it as long as I could have a kid-free holiday with my girlfriends, too. He was down.
In May, I headed to Bhutan and Nepal for two weeks of hiking, mountain biking, whitewater rafting, and adventuring with my university friends. It was a game changer.
This new chapter of solo adventuring helped me feel like my old self
At first, I was a little nervous about leaving my three kids and husband — but I was amazed at how quickly I began to feel like my old self when I traveled.
For the first time in a long time, I could eat what I liked, do what I wanted, and sleep for however long I wished. I could connect with people from other cultures on a deeper level without being distracted by having to feed kids or get them to bed.
In short, I could be completely selfish, without guilt.
The trip also helped me deal with nagging worries I'd been harboring, particularly about what life would be like once my kids grew up and moved out.
My mom struggled with being an empty nester, and I'd always had a fear that I'd walk the same road, feeling adrift and lost without my children to give my life meaning.
But after two weeks without my kids, I realized that this may not actually be the case. As long as I know they're happy and doing something that fulfills them, I think I'll be able to let go when the time comes.
I felt like a refreshed, better parent once I came home
When I returned from my trip and saw my children's three little faces light up, my heart felt so full and grateful to have them in my life. I felt recharged and ready to dive back into parenting — something I hadn't felt for a while.
It took a certain amount of courage to leave my family and go into the big, bad world alone again, but I'm so glad I did.
Many of my mom friends couldn't believe I'd done it. "You went on a holiday by yourself?" a colleague asked me incredulously. "Without your husband and kids?" she said.
"That's right," I replied, trying to suppress a laugh. "I left them at home, and they survived!"
My husband and I are already planning our next overseas trips in 2025. He'll be heading to Asia again, and I'll probably do another hike, this time in Patagonia.
I love that we can have the best of both worlds — making memories as a family at home in Australia while occasionally jet-setting on a solo adventure, too.
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