Alanis Morissette is opening up about her fertility struggles in a candid new interview with Self magazine.
Together with her husband, Mario “Souleye” Treadway, Morissette is a parent to eight-year-old son Ever and three-year-old daughter Onyx. At 45-years-old, Morissette is pregnant with her third child, which she reveals was not an easy feat.
“Between Ever and Onyx there were some false starts,” the star told the magazine. “I always wanted to have three kids, and then I’ve had some challenges and some miscarriages so I just didn’t think it was possible.”
Morissette says she experienced “so much grief and fear” after each miscarriage.
“I chased and prayed for pregnancy and learned so much about my body and biochemistry and immunity and gynecology through the process,” she explained. “It was a tortuous learning and loss-filled and persevering process.”
The Ottawa native says she ultimately found success through extensive research that required rigorous blood-work monitoring, and numerous tests and surgeries.
After delivering both of her children at home and experiencing postpartum depression, Morissette revealed she is being proactive about her mental health this time around.
“Not singularly relying on myself to diagnose myself is key,” she said. “Because the first time around I waited.”
Although she struggled with bouts of depression for most of her life, the “You Outta Know” singer says her postparum depression manifested itself an overwhelming feeling of heaviness.
“For me I would just wake up and feel like I was covered in tar and it wasn't the first time I'd experienced depression so I just thought Oh, well, this feels familiar, I'm depressed, I think,” Morissette explained. “And then simultaneously, my personal history of depression where it was so normalized for me to be in the quicksand, as I call it, or in the tar. It does feel like tar, like everything feels heavy.”
After turning to songwriting and even self-medicating with alcohol to help with her postpartum, Morissette finally turned to her doctor for help.
The expectant star revealed she has already prepared her inner circle, requesting that they keep an eye on her and watch for any signs of postpartum.
“I have said to my friends, I want you to not necessarily go by the words I'm saying and as best as I can, I'll try to be honest, but I can't personally rely on the degree of honesty if I reference the last two experiences,” she shared. “I snowed a lot of them as I was snowing myself [the last two times].”