Immortality-Obsessed Tech Guy Trying New Technique That Involves Removing "All Blood From Body"
Entrepreneur Bryan Johnson is no longer sustaining his monomaniacal quest for immortality by exsanguinating his own progeny to stave off certain doom.
The vampiric figure — who, had he existed in another time period, would've had to lock himself in a castle to avoid the locals trying to drive a stake through his heart — announced his latest medical stunt on X-formerly-Twitter this week.
"I am no longer injecting my son's blood," Johnson boasted. "I've upgraded to something else: total plasma exchange."
Johnson shared a photo of himself brandishing a plastic sac bulging with yellow viscous goo, which he claims to be that indispensable component of blood, looking as uncannily youthful as ever.
"Here's my bag of plasma," Johnson wrote. "Who wants it?"
https://twitter.com/bryan_johnson/status/1884313232946651413
As our protagonist explains, his treatment involves removing "all blood from body," separating the plasma from the blood, and replacing his old plasma with an infused substitute.
Off-putting displays like these are par for the course for Johnson. To him, seemingly, there's no such thing as "TMI." Recently — and we'd hate for you readers to be out of the loop on this — the Braintree founder shared that he was scientifically tallying the nighttime boner count of his 19-year-old son Talmadge, observing that the younger Johnson's, well, Johnson, exhibited an erectile "duration" that was two minutes longer than his own.
Ever the subject of bizarre experiments like these, Talmadge may be relieved to hear that his dad's latest blood ritual leaves him out of it. The elder Johnson quit the last one after finding it provided "no benefit." And that's not surprising, since the science behind those so-called "youth blood transfusions" is, while showing some early promising signs, a little controversial.
Johnson's new thing, therapeutic plasma exchange (TPE), isn't a new practice — but being used by a vain elite hellbent on seeing out the very end of the Anthropocene is almost certainly novel.
Johnson cites several studies purportedly showing TPE's manifold health benefits, including, of course, reversing aging based on parameters like "blood proteomics and biological aging clocks," he wrote. Using this evidence-based approach, Johnson claims he replaced his old plasma with a mixture of five percent albumin, a blood protein, and intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIG), a fluid derived from donor blood which provides antibodies to shore up your immune system.
Johnson claims he's already done some experimenting with TPE, discovering the minor side effect of "increased infection risk" following the treatment. Let's hope that doesn't come back to haunt him.
He now plans to implement a bi-weekly protocol.
More on anti-aging: Tech Guy Doing Bizarre Things to Live Forever Says He Now Suffers From Endless Hunger
