Influencer Shahd Batal on Leaving Social Media, the War in Sudan, and Rediscovering Herself

SOPHIE CHAN ANDREASSEND.

Shahd Batal has just moved into her apartment. Her newfound domesticity — which caps off a three-year-long, self-described “nomad era” — comes with its usual quirks. The internet is occasionally sticky, glitching the Zoom; the walls behind her are blank. Somewhere down the hall, a neighbor’s baby cries.

The Sudanese-American influencer has nearly 700,000 followers across Instagram and YouTube. Those who keep up with her videos may already know that Batal has chosen to settle in Dubai — for now. “I'm not gonna lie. I was a Dubai hater for a really long time,” she tells Teen Vogue. “I was just like, it’s so fake.” Seeing another side of the city, though, changed her mind.

And it seems to be going well. Batal’s building has a women-only gym, which she is excited about. In the Muslim-majority city, she finds a bit of anonymity. Her visible identities do not matter so much or at least do not stand out. “This is the first time in my life where I walk outside and I just exist,” she says. “And it's so strange and so free and so fun.”

It’s not a surprise that Batal might be seeking a corner of peace. As a long-time, established beauty and lifestyle YouTuber, the 27 year old has quite literally grown up on the internet. Throughout her career, she reached remarkable milestones, including being featured in Vogue, creating an ASOS-style edit, and delivering talks at colleges and universities.

Batal’s new YouTube videos are slower, more meditative. Snippets of her life in Dubai roll on the screen to gentle Arabic instrumentals or audio recordings of Batal talking. Sometimes she reads aloud: excerpts from childhood diary entries or inspirational passages from books like Viola Davis’s Finding Me. Sometimes she talks to the camera face to face. Her content is seamlessly infused with the Muslim values she holds and peppered with Arabic expressions. This is not someone who feels the need to pander to a non-Muslim audience.

“My Muslim identity is my moral compass for everything,” she says. “And everything I do, if I have the intention, is an act of worship, right? It's not just praying five times a day, it is everything you do.” She tries to bring the same intentionality to her YouTube videos.

But in 2020, Shahd Batal almost completely disappeared from the internet. Overnight, the influencer archived all of the YouTube videos she was known for, mainly beauty and lifestyle content, travel vlogs, get ready with me videos, apartment tours, and advice sessions. She closed her accounts on X (formerly Twitter) and TikTok.

“I think I got to a point where it felt like my life didn't belong to me anymore and I was lost,” she says. Batal recalls sitting in her apartment in Los Angeles feeling depressed despite her career successes and thriving social life. Part of it had to do with mental health — therapists diagnosed her with depression and another doctor said she had ADHD — but her listlessness had another, perhaps not entirely unrelated cause: Batal was tired of living her life for content. “I was reading books so that I could share the books that I loved,” she says. “I was trying products so that I could share the products that I like. I was decorating my home so that I could share the process of decorating. I wasn't doing anything for myself anymore.”

Living inside a social media panopticon, even one of her own design, had taken a toll. Not only did Batal constantly fear what others might think of her (she tried to predict what a critic could say to any given move), she was weary of parsing herself through the eyes of others. Her own beliefs became somewhat unclear to her as a result. “I was like, are these my views or are these things that I've taken on?”

Taking a break from the internet and traveling did wonders for her. “I think it's really freeing to just realize your insignificance,” Batal says, reflecting. “Because then you're not as harsh on yourself and you're able to just create things that you love and not have to worry so much that it has to be perfect.”

During the past year, Batal has also had to grapple with the horror of witnessing from afar the ongoing war in Sudan, a power struggle between the Rapid Support Forces (RSF) and the Sudanese Armed Forces (SAF), for governance of the land and resources that has displaced millions since it began in April 2023. In the face of war, everything feels a bit insignificant to her, silly, even. “It’s unavoidable,” Batal says of the war. “There’s not a Sudani person who's not affected by this.”

Many of Batal’s family members have been evacuated. One of her aunts recently made the perilous journey out of a particularly dangerous part of Khartoum. And a few months ago, Batal’s family home in the same city was taken over by the RSF, the paramilitary group that has been looting resources and committing atrocities, including ethnic cleansing, during its battle with Sudan’s army.

“It was bound to happen that they would break into our house, right?” Batal says. “They broke into everybody’s home.” She is grateful that looting was the extent of the damage. “It’s just things,” she says simply.

The war has contributed to the overall shift in Batal’s perspective, but it has been a long time coming and part of a larger reckoning.

Batal slowly started to rebuild her self-esteem, putting together a formula to be online, this time in a more limited way, with more boundaries. Now, she is focused on working at her own pace and not falling into the trap of doing what others expect of her. She strives to be true to herself and her values and is not afraid of turning down a brand deal. She also refuses to be a token — a trap she feels she once fell into because she didn’t know any better.

While Batal feels that the beauty and fashion industries have improved since she started on YouTube, it is clear that there's a long way to go. This is especially true when it comes to cultivating diversity that is not limited to models and visible, on-camera talent. She points to the work of friends who are now directors creating campaigns and making visions come to life. “The closer we get to actual diversity, the closer we get to authenticity on that side,” she says. “Because there's nothing actually authentic that is ever shared and posted publicly — ever.”

The new era of Batal is more intentional in every sense and that includes her beauty and fashion sensibilities. “Living out of a suitcase, you will lose all of your money to overweight luggage or baggage fees if you are not smart,” she says. Being strategic led to another realization: “I had to love every single piece I had and that made me realize that I was a victim of overconsumption.”

Nowadays, Batal has one go-to lipstick. She is not concerned about keeping up with trends or determining whether or not her Sambas are still in style. She is embracing a newer DIY side and has taken to mixing sidr powder and water to use as a cleanser and shampoo.

When I ask whether her couch is a Mario Bellini, she laughs and says that it’s a knockoff. She is most comfortable in oversize styles because they feel most true to her and she aims to dress for her hijab standards, not around them. To that end, Batal has been inspired by Emirati fashion, adopting simple, elegant abayas and accessories.

While discussing her new minimalist aesthetic, Batal is reminded of her roots. This era is not so different, she points out, from the one where she was saving all her money for the Nars blush or concealer. In general, Batal has found much value in reflecting: “When you feel a bit lost or a bit in need of direction, I think the best way to go is to retrace your steps,” she says. “I think, for me, that has been very healing.”

Photo Credits

Photographer Sophie Chan Andreassend

Photo Assistant Alex Justice

Lighting Tech Carly Hildenbrandt

Digitech Willie Kessel

Retoucher Alberto Maro

Stylist Niki Ravari

Prop Stylist Isabelle Lenton

Hairstylist Elsa Canedo at OPUS Beauty

Makeup Artist Natalie Ventola at OPUS Beauty

Manicurist Sreynin Peng at OPUS Beauty using Chanel Le Vernis

Producer Anesia Potter at HSTL Productions

Production Assistant Jake Beal

Design Director Emily Zirimis

Designer Liz Coulbourn

Associate Visuals Editor Bea Oyster

Associate Fashion Editor Kat Thomas

Assistant Fashion Editor Tascha Berkowitz

Editorial Credits

Editor in Chief Versha Sharma

Executive Editor Danielle Kwateng

Contributing Editor Alyssa Hardy

Associate Fashion and Beauty Editor Donya Momenian

Contributing Editor Sara Delgado

Senior Copy Manager Leslie Lipton

Research Editor Cristina Sada

Writer Romaissaa Benzizoune

Originally Appeared on Teen Vogue

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