Just 22 Very, Very, Very Funny Tweets By Women
January is 2/3 over already, which feels illegal somehow. I hope everyone's 2024 is ✨thriving✨ so far, especially those of us who have to do it while bleeding out chunks of an internal organ!!!
my uterine lining is falling out of my body but yes, sir, how may I help you.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) January 17, 2024
Make sure you follow all these hilarious ladies on Twitter!
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"Situationship?" "Soft launch?" "Love bomb?" Are you dating or working for Lockheed Martin?
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) January 14, 2024
3.
it doesn’t sit right with me that kids nowadays are getting new music from TikTok. they should be getting it the proper way. from the Gossip Girl soundtrack
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) January 17, 2024
4.
Regency Romances be like: https://t.co/2WpWOJdzUo
— Fallin4fiction (@fallin4fiction) January 17, 2024
5.
girls will experience like 5 world shattering events in the span of a year and be confused why they’re sad and unmotivated, like, “no i don’t think that’s it”
— ollie 🦦 (@OllieOmega) January 18, 2024
6.
I LOVE smoking with paranoid bitches like yes girl they are coming but we are stronger!!!
— Rachel S. Lurs 🔻 (@finallgirll) January 15, 2024
7.
I just think it would be better for everyone if the people who make adhesive for maxi pads and the people who make adhesive for bookstore price stickers switched jobs
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) January 16, 2024
8.
Microsoft Teams https://t.co/UVBkEUBraY
— Girl Monster (@__NahImGood) January 16, 2024
9.
My dad told my daughter she was the best duster ever then leaned in to me and whispered “if you tell kids they’re amazing at the chore they don’t bitch about doing it” and suddenly I’m questioning if I really was the most amazing weed-puller he ever saw
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 18, 2024
10.
the best time to proofread an email is right after you send it
— Meg Reid (@meg_it_happen) January 11, 2024
11.
going the extra mile (missing my exit)
— Jenna SaysQuoi (@jennasaysquoi) January 17, 2024
12.
being a glasses wearer is so humiliating. Why are my lenses fogging up when I open the oven like I’m some kind of cartoon character
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) January 17, 2024
13.
taking a selfie at 17: i look cute i think i’ll send this to my crushtaking a selfie at 27: this photo is for the sole purpose of documenting the exact appearance of my face at this particular moment in time to look back at wistfully once i’m very old
— chase (@_chase_____) January 17, 2024
14.
My little brother called me at 1am lastnight crying throwing up bc his gf dumped him.. BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER? I’m like you’re not fucking serious rn cry some more
— aries fairy ☽˚｡⋆ (@sopapiaaa) January 18, 2024
15.
why would you be afraid of your thirties. that’s when you start getting a little thrill at the thought of bringing your inside ceramic mug of hot coffee outside on your morning walk
— katy (@itsbedtime_) January 13, 2024
16.
i don’t let my toddler use an ipad but she does get to drive when i’m hungover
— am rod (@arod_twit) January 18, 2024
17.
My mom loves to be like “that is NOT a newborn” when we watch shows
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) January 18, 2024
18.
hi yes i would like the weed that makes me giggle and not the weed that makes me feel like i have a 5 star wanted level on GTA
— first ethical space cowboy (@cowboybecsbop) January 14, 2024
19.
Me when my friends Chicken and Balsamic have been flirting for weeks and I’ve had enough of the back-and-forth pic.twitter.com/PSaRkyaIc2
— maggie m (@margomollo) January 16, 2024
20.
if I were a british cop I would say "wots all this then" so freaking much
— katie (@katefeetie) January 17, 2024
21.
So apparently in Las Vegas if you leave the "do not disturb" sign on your hotel door for more than 72 hours they automatically send over a police officer to make sure you're still alive. Steve was very nice.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) January 18, 2024
22.
people aren’t marrying their band mates and then divorcing their band mates and then making their bandmates sing songs about their own divorce anymore
— re: emma (@evemmore) January 13, 2024
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
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