18 Tactics That May Seem Like "Bad Parenting" At First Glance, But Are Actually Some Of The Best Things You Can Do For Your Kids
The thing about parenting is that however you choose to do it, you'll hear criticism about pretty much everything. Raising children is controversial, and everyone has an opinion about the best way to do it. Well, Redditor u/NumanLover asked, "What is considered bad parenting, but it's actually good parenting?" Here's what people said, including members of the BuzzFeed Community — and one of my own responses.
1."Letting your child be disappointed sometimes. Teaching children to handle disappointment helps build resilience."
2."IMO, gentle parenting has become a cover story for parents who don't actually want to discipline their children and has gained a bad reputation because of that. When done correctly, it means trying to avoid screaming at your kids and clarifying why they should do what they're told, rather than just scaring them into it."
3."Allowing screen time. This may be an unpopular opinion, but kids need screens. I work with young kids, and on rare occasions, we have a screen in our classroom, so I can easily spot the kids who aren't allowed one at home. They stop everything and cannot focus on anything else. Kids used to screens tend to talk about what is on the screen or continue playing with their friends. I am also a parent to two autistic children, and their tablets have been essential for their development in so many ways. For example, one of my children uses a screen for AAC. If you saw us in a restaurant, it would look like lazy parenting to you, but it's actually a communication tool."
4."Not sheltering them from every harsh reality. They will need to know how to navigate the real world eventually."
5."Allowing your kids to be bored sometimes. It is important to give them the space to figure out how not to be bored in a way that is not disruptive, destructive, or dangerous."
6."Leaving your kids alone for age-appropriate periods of time. Depending on how safe your neighborhood is, kids have to learn to entertain themselves or be responsible for their own meals, depending on how old they are."
7."Give your kids enough space to fail and then try to figure it out independently. I see a lot of parents solving their children's problems without giving them a chance to find their own solution."
8."Making kids do things they don’t want to do sometimes, whether it's chores, having regular attendance at school, keeping commitments, etc. Too many people create an overly comfortable environment for their kids, and those kids grow up to be entitled adults because their concept of what is and isn’t 'fair' is so unrealistic. When everything in life has been catered to your comfort 24/7, growing up is a huge blow. That's obviously just not how life actually works."
9."Strongly encouraging your kids to see things through. My parents let us try any activity that interests us, but the rule was you had to stick with it for six months. There will be many things you're not great at from the get-go, so it's tempting to give up early. And it's okay to be bad at things, too. When you stick with something, you often learn the basics and really start to enjoy it."
10."Allowing kids to experience discomfort and situations of conflict and confrontation so they can develop the necessary skills to process and navigate said conflict."
11."Treating siblings differently in some ways. I don't mean having a golden child and a scapegoat. I mean tailoring your parenting to the needs of individual children - one child might be ready for certain responsibilities at an earlier age than another. One might need more support for their social life than the other. I think you have to be open to changing that if it's causing feelings of unfairness, but overall, fair doesn't mean equal."
12."Arguing in front of your kids. Many parents think it's bad to argue in front of their children. When you argue in front of your kids, you're teaching them that sometimes people disagree on things. When you resolve the argument, you're demonstrating conflict resolution. And when you continue to love and cherish each other despite your differences of opinion, you're showing them the depth of love, kindness, and maturity. Granted, this only works if you're arguing about reasonable things in a calm, mature way."
13."Letting babies cry it out. When my daughter was younger, I was distraught over the idea of nap training. I was totally afraid to let her cry for longer than a few minutes at a time. But then I realized that allowing her to cry it out was actually helping her learn the essential skills she needed to put herself to sleep. Once she started falling asleep for naps on her own and sleeping for longer stretches (all because I allowed her to cry it out), she became a much happier baby in general."
14."Ignoring when your kid is having a tantrum. As long as they aren't hurting themselves or someone else or destroying things, the best thing is to let them tire themselves out. Parents cave in way too often, and it teaches the kid, 'Oh, Mom and Dad will give me this thing I want; I just need to do this long enough,' which will lead to more and more tantrums down the line."
15."Making your kids help with chores from an early age. This is just teaching good habits and skills down the road. When I grew up, we had a rule in my house: The person who cooks doesn't have to do the dishes or set the table. Ironically, because of this, I became a really good cook because I HATED doing dishes."
16."Not trying to be your child's best friend. So many people think you need to be friends with your kids, but you're not a friend but a parent. Even if your kid says he 'hates you,' even if he screams at you, you must teach them the right lessons in life. Kids won't always love what you say. But being a parent isn't a matter of your child loving you; it's a matter of making sure they're ready for life and that they turn out to be decent human beings."
17."Letting kids engage in age-appropriate risky play. Trying to protect them from everything is bad parenting. Let them climb, run, jump, dig, throw, etc. They’ll become more specially aware, aware of their body, physically literate, and more active..."
"...As a basic but fundamental example: We taught our daughter to go up and down the stairs as soon as she started crawling at about 12 months. We always supervised them when she was a baby. Once she was walking, walking up and down the stairs was another first skill we helped her learn. By the time she was 18 months old, we took the baby gate down. She was so confident on the stairs that we just walked over to supervise whenever she went to the stairs, and only blocked the stairs when we couldn't supervise her (like cooking/cleaning while she played independently). On the other hand, my niece has been continually discouraged from using the stairs because it's too dangerous. She's not allowed to use the stairs alone. She is four, and she ALWAYS has an accident around the stairs if she tries to go near them. She's developing typically and doesn't have special needs."
18."Refraining from encouraging kids to eat everything on their plates. Regularly forcing kids to eat past their feelings of 'full' leads to long-lasting issues with overeating."
Do you have something to add? What is a parenting trend that is misunderstood or unfairly judged? Tell us in the comments or in this anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
