Larry David Is the Perfect Spokesperson For Social Distancing

Adrienne Westenfeld
Photo credit: Twitter

From Esquire

Now more than ever, this isn’t the time to be a close talker. Just ask Larry David, the Curb Your Enthusiasm star and co-creator of Seinfeld, who released a public service announcement urging the public to stay at home—in trademark LD style, of course. The famous curmudgeon is the perfect spokesperson for social distancing, given his various well-known proclivities about interpersonal interactions, public facilities, and the social contract. After all, this is the man who once said on Curb Your Enthusiasm, “I find human contact repulsive.”

David addressed his message to the “idiots” who continue to go out and socialize at a close distance, laying the guilt on thick in a video shared by the office of the governor of California, in which he said, “You’re hurting old people like me. Well, not me. I have nothing to do with you. I’ll never see you. But you know—let’s say, other old people who might be your relatives. Who knows?”

He went on to argue that those continuing to sally forth into the world are “passing up a fantastic opportunity—a once in a lifetime opportunity!—to stay in the house, sit on the couch, and watch TV.” Musing aloud as to why anyone would pass up such a good deal, he posited, “I don’t know how you’re passing that up! Maybe because you’re not that bright. But here it is: go home! Watch TV! That’s my advice to you.”

David ultimately concluded that, for those familiar with Curb Your Enthusiasm, it’s a well-known fact that “nothing good ever happens going out of the house… there’s just trouble out there. It’s not a good place to be.” Certainly that’s the truth about Curb, where the world outside David’s front door is a harrowing place of discomforts, perceived slights, and social disasters.

However, David did offer one exception to his iron-clad social distancing guidelines: “Don’t see anyone except maybe if there’s a plumbing emergency. Let the plumber in and then, you know, wipe everything down after he leaves… but that’s it.”

In an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, when a dog owner told David that her dog defecating in his yard wasn’t worth yelling about, Daivd self-righteously exclaimed, “I’m yelling for society! For everybody!” It’s refreshing to see him yelling for society once again, but from the comfort of his own armchair. If the eleventh season of Curb tackles the coronavirus pandemic and sees Latte Larry’s go into the hand sanitizer business, you won’t hear any complaints from us.

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