‘Lead with love’: State College’s Free Mom Hugs spread acceptance all year-round

Five years since Laurie Sigel first brought Free Mom Hugs to State College, the local LGBTQ+ advocacy group has grown to include hundreds of members who continue to leave an impact both within and beyond the borough.

Its members — often decked out in colorful “Free Mom Hug” T-shirts, pins displaying their pronouns and head-to-toe rainbow accessories — show up and show out at community events all over central Pennsylvania.

They were there when Altoona held its first Pride Parade in 2019 and two years later when State College followed suit with its own downtown celebration. They were there supporting students at Penn State’s 2021 “Love is Louder” counter-event, organized in response to a controversial, right-wing speaker bringing hate speech to campus. They’ve handed out pride flags on Memorial Day in Boalsburg, won first place at State College’s annual tree decorating contest and even traveled 45 minutes to Huntingdon for events at Juniata College.

Pride-related event or not, Free Mom Hugs’ State College group makes themselves known: always prepared to give out a kind word, homemade pompom in the colors of a specific pride flag or, as the name suggests, a well-needed hug.

“It spreads visibility to the community that gay people are to be celebrated,” Sigel, 62, said. “Not just tolerated.”

The local group will join in on the celebration Saturday at the fourth annual State College Pride. Festivities will kick off at 10 a.m. with the start of the parade, continue through the afternoon at the festival in Sidney Friedman Park and wrap up with after parties scattered throughout downtown. A full schedule of events can be found online.

What is Free Mom Hugs?

Now a national nonprofit with chapters across all 50 states, Free Mom Hugs began in 2015 with just one mother: Oklahoma native and devout Christian Sara Cunningham. It blossomed from Cunningham’s own journey to accept her son Parker’s sexuality, a crisis of faith that gave way to the movement’s present mission of visibility, education and conversation.

Cunningham’s story mirrors that of Sigel, one of three state leaders for Free Mom Hugs’ Pennsylvania chapter and founder of the State College area group. The two women — both mothers of boys, both raised evangelical — met at annual conferences run by the Queer Christian Fellowship.

Like Cunningham, Sigel’s son came out as gay when he was 18 years old. Though Sigel wishes she had responded differently in the moment, she said, the experience pushed her to research what the Bible really said about the queer community.

She found that what some people interpreted as condemning the LGBTQ+ community actually addressed topics like sexual violence or idol worship.

“My thinking did a 180,” Sigel said. “I realized, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’ve been really wrong.’ And I realized that I needed to repair some of the harm that I had caused, as well as the church had caused.”

After joining Pennsylvania’s chapter, Sigel decided to bring Free Mom Hugs to State College, where she’s lived since 1984. The local group attended its first Pride event, Penn State’s annual HUB takeover, in 2019.

Today, the group has grown to more than 400 members — a diverse array of moms, dads, siblings, grandparents and allies of all sorts who offer their support either in person at events or from behind the scenes. Those who can’t dole out physical hugs stay involved by making donations or putting together “portable hugs,” colorful yarn pompoms members hand out at events as a take-home reminder that someone loves them.

There’s no one type of person who joins Free Mom Hugs. Some, like Sigel, were inspired by a loved one’s coming out. Some members of State College’s chapter had already been involved for some time when one of their kids came out as queer.

Others, like Bellefonte native Rose Petrunyak, have children who aren’t part of the LGBTQ+ community but decided to join to do her part as an ally. Petrunyak, who’s lived in State College for nine years working at Penn State World Campus, is now one of the local group’s two co-leaders.

Engaging with people through Free Mom Hugs is a rewarding experience, she said, and encourages her to have difficult conversations.

“It’s made me a little more likely to challenge some things,” Petrunyak, 53, said. “There’s definitely people in my own life who when I tell them about this group sort of scoff … in the sense of ‘Oh, we’re making the world soft,’ when we know the world is the opposite of soft. The world can be a very unforgiving place.”

Recently, she found herself talking with someone who brought up the topic of individuals transitioning early, telling her that statistics show those who transition too young sometimes die by suicide. In response, Petrunyak said, she shared information that she knew was true: trans youth who aren’t accepted or allowed to transition have higher rates of attempted suicide.

The goal of Free Mom Hugs isn’t to confront those who might oppose the group’s message. At some events, like Pride Festival of Central PA in Harrisburg, members of the Silent Witness Peacekeepers Alliance stand between Pride-goers and protesters with umbrellas.

“We always tell our volunteers to lead with love,” Sigel said. “Ignore the haters, and don’t give them the fuel.”

Spreading love in State College

The Free Mom Hugs chapter Sigel founded is one of about 10 across Pennsylvania, mostly existing in major cities like Philadelphia, Erie and Lancaster. But providing acceptance is especially valuable in a place like State College, which houses tens of thousands of young people each year.

When Sigel’s son came out, she said, he confessed that he hadn’t planned to tell his parents he was gay until after he graduated college. He worried his parents might kick him out or refuse to pay his tuition.

It’s a fear many queer college students have as they prepare to move into this next stage of their lives, said Yvette Willson, director of Penn State’s Gender Equity Center and one of two co-leaders of State College’s Free Mom Hugs group.

“They can’t be themselves,” she said. “They have this whole secret life that they can’t share with their family.”

Willson, 58, has always been an ally, but this title took on new meaning when her daughter came out as bisexual her senior year of high school. A few years later, when she saw Sigel and other members of Free Mom Hugs marching past her building, she knew she had found her people.

There’s a moment at almost every Pride event where someone will collapse in tears while receiving a free mom hug. The reasons vary — a child unable to come out to their parents, a queer student whose mom has died or someone struggling with a completely different issue, like the death of a friend — but Free Mom Hugs offers comfort all the same.

In some cases, members have even been able to form lasting relationships with the young people they connect with at events.

After being interviewed for Penn State’s multicultural media site The Underground by a student who had just come out to her mom as a lesbian, Sigel stayed in touch. When the student graduated two years later, she sent Sigel a note thanking her for being a part of her undergraduate career.

The next generation

Watching young people become more comfortable with being authentically queer has also been a joy, Petrunyak said. While tabling at Boalsburg’s Memorial Day festivities, she was impressed by a preteen who was able to easily identify the colors of every single pride flag.

“They were very in touch,” Petrunyak said. “They said ‘I’m an expert, and I’m competent. I’ll help you.’ It was really cool.”

Even children who don’t necessarily have an understanding of the LGBTQ+ community are invited to help uplift those who might be struggling with their sexuality. At downtown State College’s annual Fall Festival, one activity asks children to write positive messages on tags attached to portable hugs.

Kids as young as 3 years old are able to come up with kind words like “you are loved” or “you matter,” Willson said, making the keepsakes even more special when handed out at later Pride events.

But one event that sticks out the most, Willson said, is the National Coming Out Day celebration held in Penns Valley.

Starting in 2021, when the event was first held, students have expressed support for their school district’s diversity club, a group that has received pushback from some Penns Valley parents and residents. Middle and high school students stepping up to the microphone and advocating for the importance of visibility is an empowering sight, Willson said.

“There’s people everywhere — all over our communities, all over the world — and that’s why we do this,” she said. “Because you don’t want anyone to ever feel like they are alone, that they don’t have a choice, that they don’t matter.”