From the Little Treater To The Sleeping Subscriber, What's Your Spending Love Language?
Sometimes, when it’s 2am and I can’t sleep, I indulge in this small fantasy where I imagine I’ve won £1m. I focus on what it would feel like to wake up in the morning and find it sitting in my bank account – the unbearable lightness of a mortgage-free life! A fanciful dream, sure, but it soothes me to sleep in a matter of minutes.
I told a friend this recently, and she said it’s not as reassuring as you’d imagine. A few years ago, she was gifted just under £1m by her parents to buy a modest two-bed in a charming part of north London. A year after purchasing it, it needed a new roof, which she hasn’t been able to afford just yet, thanks to the huge upswing in the cost of labour and materials at the end of the pandemic. Now, every time it rains, water pours in through a crack next to the hall skylight of her lovely, million-pound flat. I could have easily made a snippy comment about how generational wealth tends to give people a severe case of money dysmorphia, but, ultimately, the point she was making was that even large amounts of cash can’t erase all worries. So, we both complained about feeling broke.
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There’s no denying that some people are considerably worse off, with 12 million (that’s nearly 20% of the population) in the UK living in absolute poverty, and those numbers are increasing. Today, it seems like everyone, regardless of their bank balance, feels squeezed in some way – and this economic shitstorm has been brewing for over a generation. Wage stagnation means that since the 2008 financial crisis, our salaries haven’t increased to keep pace with the rising cost of living. Inflation hit a 41-year-high in 2022, when our energy bills doubled and food prices skyrocketed to the point where supermarkets started security-tagging tubs of Lurpak.
But even as we tighten the screws on our household finances, we’re also being made to feel like there’s always something else that we should be buying. Not to get all Marxist on you, but, nowadays, we’re living through a period of outlandish consumerism, in which everything from who we sleep with to how we spend our leisure time is mediated through apps and services that aim to extract a profit from our data or attention. Every moment has become a transaction; we’re encouraged to see ourselves as consumers first and as people second. Which is convenient, as we are constantly being sold things – by ads slotted in among our friends’ photo dumps, #fitcheck videos and BookTok reviews.
With so much stuff to consume all the time, it’s no wonder that so many of us fall down rabbit holes, and that money has become a more loaded topic than ever. If you’re starting to feel worried about your own financial habits, here’s a judgement- free guide to your spending style and what exactly it reveals about you.
The Generationally Wealthy Spender
You have a lovely middle-income-type job (marketing, media, etc) but never seem fazed by the price of things. You have a Smeg fridge and Le Creuset cookware, you’re on the waiting list for Third Space and you’ve just bought the Prada re-edition mini-bag in leopard print. You talk a lot about ‘investing’ in ‘quality’ pieces.
How exactly do you afford all of this? Well, your parents pay your rent, phone bill and Soho House membership. Honestly, no shade – according to research from the Resolution Foundation, we’re increasingly living in an inheritocracy, where the only way for those under the age of 40 to find any stability is if they inherit a sum from their relatives. About 64% of over-50s plan to leave a financial legacy to their nearest and dearest, a fact that will lead to the biggest transfer of wealth in history.
Unless you’re one of the proper mega-rich, getting money from your parents probably hasn’t solved all your worries, but it’s best to practise self-awareness. Don’t act as though you did it all yourself; do acknowledge that it makes your life much easier; don’t complain endlessly about being broke (that bag costs £2,300); and do offer to buy the first round – because who said you can’t buy friends?
The Very In-Debt Spender
You have 12 credit cards and you’re never sure if the one you’re handing over has any juice left. You scour money-comparison websites for your next interest-free deal. You once took out a loan to pay for a skiing holiday and are still adamant it was worth it. Via a complex system of borrowing and balance transfers, you’ve somehow accrued £86,000 of debt, with little to show for it.
When I interviewed Chantel Chapman, the founder of Trauma of Money, an online financial-therapy programme, she explained money is a proxy for power and how we relate to it depends on our upbringing. ‘For instance, growing up with a domineering father may impact how you respond in situations where you have to negotiate with men.’ Coming from a marginalised or oppressed background can also affect your sense of self and safety. ‘When you interact with something of value, like money, it may not be from an innate level of worthiness.’
Start by unpicking the reactions leading you to unwise decisions. ‘If you feel bored, unhappy or sad, consumerism encourages you to stop that emotion right away by buying something,’ Chapman said. ‘Debt has an omnipotence in our lives. We can’t see it or touch it, but we know that it’s there, always.’ If it feels overwhelming, talk to a money-advice service. Consolidating debt might be easier than you’d expect, and it’ll be a huge weight off your mind.
The Little Treats Spender
You may go months without seeing your friends – who’ll sign for your packages if you’re out at dinner? – but you are on first-name terms with all the delivery people in your area. Though you can’t say exactly where your hard-earned cash goes, you do have a lot of stuff. This week’s deliveries include an £8 friendship-bracelet-making kit, a pair of Hay wine glasses (20% off on Instagram!), four hardback books you can’t remember pre-ordering (all of which you’ll definitely read one day, definitely) and a £250 handmade lambswool cardigan, with metal buttons spelling out ‘FUCK’. The small thrill of unboxing all these purchases is only diminished by the small forest’s worth of cardboard that you keep meaning to recycle.
Now, I say this with all the compassion of a recovering Little Treats addict: put your phone down, step outside and touch some grass. As your finger hovers over the ‘Buy Now’ button, you may think that each item in your basket seems extremely useful and necessary, but when the money leaves your account, you’ll realise that you probably didn’t need another Himalayan salt lamp. The algorithm has you in its chokehold, my friend – and it knows just how to exploit your weakness for kitsch homewares and cultural ephemera. The only thing you can do to regain control is to stop scrolling. Or, get your boyfriend to threaten to replace your phone with a Nokia 6310 – which is what helped me.
The F**k It Spender
You’re basically the Little Treats addict but way more fun. Instead of spending indiscriminate amounts on crap off the internet, you’ll say ‘yes’ to all plans and worry about how it’ll affect your bank balance tomorrow. Or maybe on Tuesday – only a masochist checks their bank balance on a Monday, right?
Another round of margaritas? Sure! Dinner at that small-plates restaurant you saw on TikTok? Why not? The pair of boots you’ve been desperate to get since, like, last week? Time to raid the savings again… You’ve definitely used the phrase ‘Life is for living!’ in the last week.
To be fair, who can blame you? It’s hard not to feel existential when the average first-time buyer needs a £50,000 deposit (or an eye-watering £115,000, if you’re in London). How can you even begin saving when you’re living in your overdraft?
While there’s something undeniably joyful about throwing caution to the wind and doing whatever the hell you want, it’s unlikely to lessen the anxiety you feel every time you go to your banking app to see what you’ve got left for the month. Even saving a small amount into a fixed-rate ISA – where you can’t take the money out until the end of a set period – will do wonders for your fiscal and mental health.
The Sleeping Spender
OK, so you never actually stepped inside the gym you joined last July and pay £69 a month for, but the idea of calling to cancel gives you the ick (why do they make you speak to a human?). You still pay insurance for a bike stolen many moons ago, and you suspect your Netflix, Disney+, Now TV, Amazon Prime and Spotify accounts are being used by a number of acquaintances. What can you say? You just love a free trial.
Shout-out to all my anxious-avoidant girlies dodging life admin for as long as possible. Yes, unsubscribing from a service you barely use requires several steps (finding the right website, remembering the login, sending an email to the provider, etc etc), but think about all the cash it’ll free up each month (and how much it’ll annoy the exes still leeching off your generosity).
The Stocks And Shares ISA Spender
You put the Airbnb on your card when booking group holidays (following up with a ‘pay me back whenever’ text) and know all about interest rates. You filed your tax return early and have even invested a small amount in Premium Bonds. Your Nutmeg ISA just made a 17% return. You’re fiscally enlightened and need nothing from me. If anything, I need advice from you.
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