Seven signs you're in love, according to experts

Emma Elms
·Real Life Editor (Freelance)
·6 min read
Feeling able to be yourself is a good indicator that you're in love. Posed by models. (Getty Images)
Feeling able to be yourself with your partner is one indicator that you're in love. (Getty Images)

Falling in love is one of the best feelings in the world. But, how do you know if it’s the real deal?

A major study showed the brain reacts differently when we're in love. The research, published in the journal Behavioural Sciences, found that when we're in love, a mechanism knows as the behavioural activation system (BAS) is triggered, which makes us 'put our partner on a pedestal in the first flush of romance'.

It's already well known that romantic love makes the brain release the love hormone oxytocin, which causes the sense of euphoria we feel when we're in love. Now researchers from the ANU, University of Cranberra and University of South Australia have measured how a part of the brain is responsible for making us prioritise our partner above everything else.

The study shows that love is linked to changes in behaviour as well as emotion, says University of Canberra academic Dr Phil Kavanagh. "We know the role that oxytocin plays in romantic love, because we get waves of it circulating throughout our nervous system and blood stream when we interact with loved ones," says Dr Kavanagh.

"The way that loved ones take on special importance, however, is due to oxytocin combining with dopamine, a chemical that our brain releases during romantic love," he adds. "Essentially, love activates pathways in the brain associated with positive feelings."

So, aside from feeling on a high, how else do you know you're in love?

When you feel secure enough to be your whole self – even the parts you usually hide from others – you know you’re in love.

"This experience of being 'seen' and 'accepted' creates a profound sense of safety," explains psychotherapist Yvette Vuaran. “As a result, you might feel more energetic because you no longer need to expend emotional energy hiding or conforming to others' expectations.”

This feeling of safety in love positively affects your nervous system too, according to Vuaran. "You might notice your shoulders relax or your breathing deepens, when you're with the person. Your body signals that you are with someone you can trust."

When two people are in love, their bond often reveals itself in subtle, synchronised behaviours.

"When we’re deeply connected to someone, our brains naturally engage in mirroring – a process where we unconsciously mimic their gestures, tone of voice or even emotions," says psychologist Louise Goddard-Crawley. "This happens because of specialised mirror neurons, which activate when we observe someone else’s behaviour or feelings."

If you find yourself picking up your partner's habits or mannerisms effortlessly, it’s often a sign of emotional alignment. "Mirroring helps build rapport and creates a sense of being on the same wavelength," she adds.

Subconsciously copying each other's body language and tone of voice can be a sign of true love, say psychologists. Posed by models. (Getty Images)
Subconsciously copying each other's body language and tone of voice can be a sign of true love, say psychologists. Posed by models. (Getty Images)

One surprising sign of being in love is that stressful situations often feel more manageable.

"This happens when our emotional state is stabilised by someone else’s calming presence," says Goddard-Crawley. "When we’re with someone who truly loves and supports us, their presence can help activate our parasympathetic nervous system – the part of the body responsible for rest and relaxation."

You may notice that a difficult day feels less overwhelming, just by having someone special in your life. "This sense of calm isn’t about them solving our problems but about the connection itself acting as a source of emotional stability," explains Goddard. "Co-regulation is a key part of emotional intimacy – and on the other hand, it’s just as easy to notice when love feels dysregulating, too."

One key way we can recognise true love is when we feel a strong sense of caring about the other person's emotional state.

"This drive to nurture and protect them stems from our brain’s release of oxytocin and vasopressin, which play crucial roles in forming long-term attachments," explains Goddard-Crawley. "Evolutionarily, these chemicals helped people build stable partnerships, creating secure environments for raising children and thriving together."

So if you find yourself naturally attuned to someone’s needs, with a genuine desire to support them, it may reflect this deep-rooted drive to form lasting bonds that promote mutual care and connection.

Some of the typical sensations associated with being in love – like butterflies or a racing heart – are more likely signs of anxiety than love, says Goddard-Crawley.

"Healthy love is grounded in oxytocin, the 'bonding' hormone, which fosters a sense of safety, calm and connection," she explains. "While being with your partner can still feel exciting, it’s paired with a comforting steadiness – a feeling that you can truly relax."

So what if a relationship feels like a constant adrenaline rush instead? "It may reflect infatuation or nervous excitement rather than lasting love," Goddard-Crawley.

Research shows that when we're in love we're often more willing to take risks, particularly when those risks are related to securing or maintaining the relationship.

"Being in love can create a new-found confidence, causing us to make bolder choices," says psychotherapist Susie Masterson. "This might manifest itself as going for promotion, changing career or even taking a sabbatical together and going travelling."

A study published by Levav and Argo (2009) found that thinking about romantic love increases people’s propensity to take risks in financial decisions too. "The emotional intensity of love can make us focus on the future and long-term rewards, which may cause us to downplay immediate risks," adds Masterson.

While you may think arguing would mark a downward spiral in a relationship, in fact, it can indicate the very opposite, according to Masterson, because it can signify a deep emotional investment.

"When we're in love, we feel safe to express our opinions on things," she explains. "We want to test out whether we're in alignment with our partner and if not, we want to check if we're able to tolerate the differences between us."

Being open to confronting difficult topics and collaborating to find a resolution, shows the relationship matters to us. Instead, it's when either of you are feel indifferent to each other's views that you need to worry.

"A willingness to actively listen to each other, to be accountable and a desire to make changes are all key elements indicating a strong, loving relationship," says Masterson.

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