Maxim Magnus: ‘We're Creating A Generation Of Trans People That Is Going To Be Traumatised’
Content warning: This article contains mentions of suicide.
For the first time in my life, I’m feeling discouraged to the point of having a hard time telling people things are going to get better.
Last week, the UK Health Secretary Wes Streeting announced that the ban on giving puberty blockers to under-18s who are questioning their gender identity is to be made permanent - there will be no review until 2027. While ‘debates’ raged, my first thought was, ‘This is going to kill people.’ I don’t think people ever really understand the gravity of that. I’ve been there, I know what it feels like - to have something withheld from you that could save your life. That’s what those words meant. It’s that simple.
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I have always had a complicated relationship with my medication, I still do, but it saved my life. So much of my energy was spent on worrying about my body developing in the wrong way. Having had access to puberty blockers at 14 and subsequently oestrogen from 16 took away some of that focus. I want people to understand that these medications aren’t a necessity for everyone, and taking them shouldn’t validate your trans identity any more, but for some - me included - it was and still is.
We don’t talk about it enough, but the effects of watching your peers develop in ways you wish to is painful, especially when you realise there is little you can do about it at that age. The last thing young people need is to be fighting for the right to choose when they’re already battling, trying to stay alive.
There is such a heavy focus on the preservation of life, so many conversations politically revolve around birth rates and abortion, but there is too little focus on what happens once these children are born. I will never understand why their happiness and safety is talked about with such little regard. Somehow this ban is being proposed under the guise of protecting them, but have they actually had conversations with those affected? This doesn’t just apply to trans kids, it extends beyond that. The trans community is being used as a scapegoat. The mental health aspect of it worries me, the lack of support in this country worries me, because of everything we go through, we know trans people in England are five times more likely to have their mental health affected than cisgender people.
They think the more they fight us, the quieter we will get, but that’s very much not the case. The fact is, we are not going anywhere, trans people are not going anywhere, so why wouldn’t you rather we be happy and healthy? But then I guess that just shows how badly they don’t want us here, it’s quite obvious. We are angry, rightfully so, but this anger is going to and already is creating a generation of traumatised trans adults. None of it is constructive for anyone.
People have asked me what happens now. The sad truth is many will revert back to the old ways, the ways of our ancestors, our siblings who didn’t have a choice but access medications illegally. How can that be the answer we have for future generations?
I have spent a lot of time in the past couple of months, weeks, talking to people in the community. The consensus seems to be we are no longer safe here and it’s time to start thinking about an exit plan. For the first time, I hear people around me making plans to leave the country. It’s very confusing to someone like me, who moved here for a better, more accepting environment, to now feel like I’m being chased out. I am so aware that I am a guest here, but it is my home now. I feel so deeply for those who don’t have the option to leave. Government enforced detransition is not just a worry but a reality. In the last year there have been cases of people being told to essentially medically detransition as they no longer have access to their medication. Legally I too cannot get access to my medication in this country, even though my body no longer produces the hormones I need to live. There will come a point where staying here is no longer a healthy option.
On top of that, moments like these always open the door to wider attacks on the trans community, they allow a space where people feel emboldened to say things they wouldn’t usually. We know hate crimes against transgender people are on the rise. In the year ending March 2023, 4,732 hate crimes against transgender people were recorded - a rise of 11% on the previous year. The Home Office report also said comments by politicians and the media over that year May have led to this increase. Now I’m watching how the actions of people around me are changing. Even this weekend, in close circles, I’ve had people say very out of pocket things to me, some have been super transphobic - I spoke to some other sisters about this and they’ve been experiencing the same, not just in the UK. I am often asked why I pay so much attention to politics in other countries, the answer is it’s all linked, it’s a slow process but it’s happening. Look at the USA, where the Rainbow Project saw an exponential increase in calls, specifically from the trans community in the period around the election. Watch what happens in the silence because what they tell us is only half of the story, if not less.
Research has found up to 73% of trans people have experienced harassment and violence - and a high proportion goes unreported. Verbal abuse feels almost daily, it is almost daily. In the past I’ve been physically assaulted so when I do leave my house - which happens rarely nowadays without getting overwhelmed to the point of it being debilitating - I am so aware of that being my reality. I am constantly scared for the safety of my siblings, especially for my Black sisters who are the most vulnerable, they face the most danger. Both the verbal and physical can do a lot of damage to a person. Normally in fear of getting attacked I wouldn’t react, as I never want to be in that situation again, but when I encountered some verbal abuse recently, I just started screaming back. In that moment it just felt like it became apparent to me that everything happening is like a gathering storm that’s opening the doorway to this kind of behavior more.
External violence runs a lot deeper than we think, words linger, wounds stay open, we tend to pick at the scabs until it gets too much. Again, my first thought is always, ‘I just don’t want anyone to die’. This year has been especially deadly, next year the suicides are only expected to rise because of the conditions we are living in, or should I say surviving in. People taking their own lives, people harming themselves, that’s a big part of the violence we have to live with. The statistics we are seeing from queer suicide hotlines are already so high. Right now I want to tell young kids that it’s going to get better - but it doesn’t feel like that’s actually the reality, it doesn’t feel constructive to say that.
A lot of the conversations I have with my friends revolve around what the next four years is going to mean to us, how we are going to navigate it, as the rise of facism globally has a direct impact on our community. In the last year I have hidden myself away, closed myself off from the world in fear of any external factor being a trigger I couldn’t come back from. Often when I do leave the house, I’m reminded why I’ve been feeling this way. I have to remind myself and be reminded by those who love me, there are still good people around.
Right now, strengthening our bonds and our community is the focus, it’s the way we will make it to the other side. I think a lot of a trip I went on a couple of years ago with a group of trans children and their parents. I will never forget the profound impact of hearing the words of an eight-year-old who looked at me and said, ‘‘I don’t want to be here anymore.’ Hearing those words come out of a child’s mouth, it did something to me that I can’t even explain. I want to work with these kids and, even if I can’t tell them it’s all going to be ok, I want to share with them what has helped me daily and give them tools to navigate through this difficult time. But it’s also about showing them there is joy, making them laugh and letting them know there are bigger sisters there that will always be there for them. Right now, that’s all I can think to do.
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