While speaking with Rolling Stone, the 27-year-old rapper shared details about the July night when she ended up in the hospital with bullet fragments in both of her feet. After nearly two years, she's still processing difficult emotions around the trauma.
"Right now we’re going through some dark things. You are built for this," she said to herself while speaking with the magazine. "God must got something good planned for you, because I don’t think he’ll put you through this if he wasn’t going to give you your reward at the end."
Megan has publicly shared information about the shooting before, while Lanez has denied that he was the one to shoot. Yet the discourse has gone beyond those involved and has led to online debates and memes related to the incident. In many of them, Megan said she hasn't been supported.
"In some kind of way I became the villain," she said, noting that strangers have praised Lanez in response to the allegations. "And I don’t know if people don’t take it seriously because I seem strong. I wonder if it’s because of the way I look. Is it because I’m not light enough? Is it that I’m not white enough? Am I not the shape? The height? Because I’m not petite? Do I not seem like I’m worth being treated like a woman?"
And while the comments have hurt her, Megan doesn't want to give critics that much power.
"I’m trying every day to get through it and be good. I feel so bad because I don’t feel like anybody’s taking me seriously, but I don’t want them to see me cry," she said. "I don’t want them to know that I feel like this, because I don’t want them to feel like, ‘Oh, I got you. I’m breaking you.’"
This, she explained, is the double-edged sword of being an independent Black woman.
"It’s a gift that I’m so strong," the Texas-native said, "but I feel like it’s also a curse because it makes things get kind of lonely sometimes. Everybody’s kind of like, ‘Well, you good. You got it. I ain’t messing with you.’ So I feel like it makes people treat me not as delicate as I would like them to."
Megan's seemingly tough exterior can be credited to other personal traumas that she's experienced. Most notably, losing her father in 2011, followed by both her mother and great-grandmother in March 2019. She's since taken on a responsibility to be strong for her grandmother Madlyn.
"Ever since my mom and my great-grandma passed, she’s been really depressed," Megan said of her grandma. "I don’t want to show her that anything is getting to me because I don’t want it to get to her."
Despite the family tragedy, Megan has fulfilled her dreams of rapping and earning her degree in Health Administration, both of which she shared with her mother before her passing. Megan also hopes to have a big family of her own one day.
"I feel I’m going to be a lit-ass grandma," she said. "It’s like my daughter, her daughter, her daughter-daughter. It’s just going to be a bunch of us just lit-ass beautiful Black women!"
In the meantime, she's learning more about receiving love in her current relationship with fellow rapper Pardison Fontaine.
"I appreciate him for loving on me even when I don’t feel like I love me," she said. "I have a lot of anxiety, and I know I’m probably depressed on some level. I’ll be like, 'Damn, you really sticking through it? I really want to be good for you because I’m trying to be good for myself.' But I just . . . I don’t know. Right now, I really don’t know, because sometimes I don’t feel good about me. So I feel like it’s hard to be in a relationship when you are not loving on yourself right."
And although it's difficult to go through it all in the public eye as well, Megan hopes that her experiences will serve as motivation for her fans.
"Look at everything I can accomplish and everything I can do in the face of it. I’m still not letting nothing knock me down to take me off my game. So you shouldn’t let nothing take you off your game, either," she said. "Because if I can get through this shit, you could get through your shit."
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