Menopause as a single mum overwhelmed me – this is the support I wish I'd had
When I first started experiencing menopause symptoms, I vividly remember thinking I had early-onset dementia.
I was so sure that my anxiety, loss of confidence and inability to make decisions was taking me down the path I lost my grandmother to - dementia.
Ultimately, I left my job as a senior leader in financial services for fear of being seen as incapable or weak and vulnerable. It wasn't until three doctors' appointments later, that I discovered that it had 'just' been menopause.
This experience in my early forties, while also being a single mum, drove me to ensure no one else feels as lost and unsupported as I did, and I realised that support from your children can be invaluable to women going through menopause.
I promise you, your mum will be forever grateful for your efforts - I know I wish I'd had this support.
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How to support your mum when she's going through menopause
1. Educate yourself
Understanding what menopause entails can make a significant difference. Learn about the symptoms and challenges it brings. Knowledge is empowering and shows your mum that you are taking her experience seriously.
I run a free course called Menopause The Basics so that you can get acquainted with the topic super fast.
READ: How to talk to your kids about menopause — no matter what age they are
2. Listen without judgement
Sometimes, your mum just needs someone to listen. Provide a safe space where she can share her feelings and frustrations without fear of judgment or dismissal. Going out for a drive or a walk together away from distractions means that you get the bonus of quality time together and that can open up the opportunity for you both to chat about what’s going on in your lives and ask how you can support one another.
RELATED: I went for a walk every day - here's what it did to my stress levels
3. Offer practical help
Menopause can be exhausting. Offer to help with day-to-day tasks such as cooking, cleaning, or running errands. This support can alleviate some of the physical burdens she may be facing. No one wants to be 'fixed' in menopause, rather heard and supported, so pop this in the back of your mind and explore what help would be useful and ask - communication is key and helps avoid misunderstandings. If you are going to help, it's best to offer the help that's needed.
4. Be patient and compassionate
Mood swings and emotional changes are common during menopause. Patience and compassion go a long way in making your mum feel supported and understood. Breathwork, walking away, having a magic word that you can both use and recognise, can help to stop any conversations from escalating into arguments or triggering conversations.
5. Encourage healthy habits
Support your mum in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Encourage activities such as walking, yoga, or other forms of exercise that can alleviate symptoms. Join her in these activities to show solidarity. Boost water intake (think how you feel when you are dehydrated) and encourage your mum to do the same.
6. Help her find professional support
This is a tricky one, and definitely to be offered when your mum is open to talking about it, and has accepted that peri or menopause is at the root of how she feels. Professional advice from a healthcare provider who specialises in menopause can be hard to access as there are long wait lists, but it is worth holding on for.
This can help her understand what treatment pathways there are for managing symptoms more effectively. Offer to accompany her to appointments if she feels comfortable. Again, Menopause The Basics is a good place to start as it opens up just how normal it is to feel out of sorts at this time of life.
7. Create a comfortable environment
Help make her living space more comfortable. Whether it's adjusting the thermostat, providing cooling pillows, or creating a relaxing atmosphere, small changes can make a big difference. Often this is the one time in her life when she may wish for the house to be cooler than everyone else! So layers are key here.
8. Respect her space
Understand that she might need some time alone to process her feelings or simply rest. Respect her need for personal space and time to recharge. Much as I wanted someone to reach out and support me, I needed a lot of downtime to wrap my head around why I was struggling to keep an even mood without getting super emotional about the simplest of things.
READ: Nobody told me menopause would impact my friendships
9. Engage in open conversations
Encourage open and honest conversations about her experience. Avoid treating menopause as a taboo topic. This openness can reduce feelings of isolation and stigma. I wish someone around me had been talking about menopause, it might have helped me join the dots - you might be the first person that is speaking about it, or say something that helps your mum decide to take action.
10. Celebrate her strength and love her
Remind your mum of her strength and resilience. Celebrate her milestones and achievements and acknowledge the incredible person she is. Sometimes, the best support is simply recognising and affirming her worth.
Supporting your mum through menopause is about showing empathy, respect, and understanding. By taking these steps, you can help her navigate this challenging time with more ease and confidence. Remember, it's not just about what you do, but the love and care behind your actions that truly matter.
