Millennials Are Sharing Their Retirement Plans, And They're So Depressing People Can't Help But Laugh Through The Tears

Krista Torres
·4 min read

Often, millennials (and even Gen Zers) talk about the fact that older generations don't understand how hard it is for younger people to get ahead in today's society. One of the biggest things that is becoming seemingly more unattainable is retirement. So, when Reddit user u/alphaDsony asked fellow millennials what their plans for retirement were, their responses were the perfect combination of reality and humor:

1."Work til noon the day of my funeral."

—u/Bguy9410

2."I've got a plan. I'm going to turn my on/off switch to off." —Bender

—u/Bsjensen1012

A metal toggle switch on a panel labeled "ON" at the top and "OFF" at the bottom, used in a Work & Money article
Kyoshino / Getty Images

3."Find a nice commune and go die in the woods like a house cat."

—u/LuvinMyThuderGut

4."The cliff scene in Midsommar."

—u/ZorchFlorp

Alternatively, the crying scene in Midsommar.

—u/DisgruntledAardvark

Two individuals outdoors: a man in a casual t-shirt and a woman with a surprised expression, looking upwards
A24

5."We can't even buy a house, let alone retire. We'll all work until we're dead."

—u/aj_ramone

6."I had to retire at 38 because of disability, and now live with an amount of money that's about half the poverty line. I'm fairly certain that if my disabilities don't get me first, prolonged poverty will most certainly take care of my life expectancy."

—u/ladyteruki

Person using a walker on a sunny sidewalk, seen from behind. They're wearing a floral top, suggesting an outdoors stroll
Florian Gaertner / Photothek via Getty Images

7."I figure there are at least three big economic busts between now and then, so I’m planning to die in a nude beach blow job jet ski shootout."

—u/InvadeTheUSA

8."Honestly? High key looking to move abroad. A good chunk of my country is hellbent on fucking shit up, and we’ve been through so many downturns only to be told to 'eat less avocado toast' and 'buy a starter home' as if any of that is practical advice."

—u/lukeydukey

Person walking with a suitcase, wearing business casual attire, on a sunny sidewalk
FreshSplash / Getty Images

9."I did some financial planning and determined I can retire by the time I am 97 and can live for 11 minutes on my savings."

—u/oielj-iusk9732

10."Die at my job. I'm neurodivergent and have never worked anything other than minimum wage jobs. I have no savings and no pension. I'll keel over mopping one day, and that will be that. My job will be filled by that afternoon."

—u/brumbles2814

Person mopping a wooden floor in an office setting, wearing casual attire and yellow cleaning gloves. Blue bucket nearby
Miodrag Ignjatovic / Getty Images

11."Save a lot, die before retirement, will my retirement savings to my kids so they have a chance."

—u/HotLittlePotato

12."Flip a coin. Either I'm not living to see retirement age, or I'll be working til I'm 90. And, just to be clear, I have a well-paying and secure job — no loans and savings. I'm just confident that shit's going to get so bad that I'll be working until I drop dead."

—u/emillang1000

A hand flipping a coin in mid-air, symbolizing decision-making or chance in financial or work-related contexts
Monty Rakusen / Getty Images

13."I’ve got a decent job and a solid set up for retirement…the problem is making enough money to live in the meantime. I don’t wanna wait till I’m in my 60s to afford to live."

—u/foolishdrunk211

14."I had one. I was laid off. I now work in retail. No 401k at this job and a bunch of student loans, so I can expect to die less than penniless 🙃. My degree is in animation; the film industry is in a recession, and up to 50% of animators are currently unemployed. There are no jobs to apply for; almost nothing is getting greenlit for production."

—u/cinemachick

Box full of office supplies and files on an empty cubicle desk, suggesting employee departure or job change
Bill Varie / Getty Images

15."Live longer than everyone else in the family, inherit their stuff, retire five minutes before I die."

—u/princessawesomepants

16."I’ve been trying that for a dozen years now. I moved up to help my dad after a health scare. That lasted seven years with the only jobs paying decent enough to be close to take care of him being in the restaurant industry. I relocated last year to an area with more opportunities than I previously had, and paying less rent. However, I lack experience in the fields that I would like to go into. I graduated cum laude with a Poly Sci and IR degree. But I’m stuck in dead-end serving/bartending jobs that offer no benefits whatsoever. I broke my hand this year, and was out of work for six weeks. I had to pay for everything out of pocket, which killed my emergency fund since I don't qualify for Medicaid. I haven’t even been to a doctor in 14 years. It’s not easy to get that career job. Fuck if I could just get something, something at all, where I get any benefits to help me save for anything, I would cry tears of joy."

—u/FrankeninDolly

Magnifying glass over a newspaper section titled "Jobs & Careers," with a pencil nearby, highlighting employment opportunities
Peter Dazeley / Getty Images

The future may seem bleak, but at least there's a whole generation of us in it together...share your thoughts in the comments.

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