Mom Writes Letter to Ex-Husband's New Girlfriend Before She Meets Their Kids — and Her Message Goes Viral (Exclusive)

Since she had yet to meet the woman, Erica Keane posted a TikTok video with which to send her ex's new partner a heartfelt message

• Erica Keane recorded an emotional TikTok video of herself after sending off her two daughters, ages 9 and 14, to meet her ex-husband's new girlfriend for the first time.

• Her video — which now has more than 1 million views — acted as an "open letter" to her ex's girlfriend. She spoke from a place of gratitude and thanked the woman, whom she had yet to meet, for welcoming her daughters.

• Keane tells PEOPLE that in making the video, she wanted to shift her perspective and accept the things she cannot control.

After sending her daughters off to go meet their dad's new girlfriend, Erica Keane opened up her heart to the world on TikTok. Instead of sharing her most negative feelings about the situation, the single mom spoke from a place of gratitude. Knowing things could be worse, Keane recorded herself in an "open letter" to her ex-husband's girlfriend.

"I haven't met you yet, but today's the first day that you're going to meet my girls," she began in the video, which currently has more than 1 million views and over 84,500 likes. "I want to say thank you, first of all, for opening your home to them and being willing to give them a place to stay so they could spend time with their dad."

Keane continued on to share some details about her daughters Kaitlyn, 14, and Avery, 9, to give her ex's girlfriend an idea of what to expect. As the mom of two described, her youngest loves American Girl dolls and skincare products, and she's a picky eater. Kaitlyn, on the other hand, is "real smart" and "intuitive. She listens deeply. She's so wise," said Keane, who added that the teen loves music, art, veggie pizza and texting with her friends.

"She's super chill, calm, cool and collected. She's a lot of fun, whatever she does," Keane said to her camera. "But she does have that teenage attitude. So if you need anything on that, let me know."

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As welcoming as her video is, Keane admits to PEOPLE that she wasn't feeling so open-minded. She and her ex-husband ended their 15-year marriage last year in what Keane described as an "abrupt" separation. When she learned he was seeing someone else, she experienced a mix of feelings, but as a mom, Keane mostly felt unprepared.

"I wasn't mad," she reflects. "I was just sitting there thinking, 'Okay, now what? How do I handle this? How do I feel?' "

She tells PEOPLE that she asked her ex if she could meet his new girlfriend, but he didn't want to make the introduction at that time.

"I spiraled a little bit, I'll be honest," Keane says, looking back on a conversation when her co-parent revealed he was in a new relationship. "He said to me, 'Erica, you can't change this ... You can't control things.' The minute that he said that to me, I was done. I'm done controlling things ... After that, I just let the ball roll, and I decided whatever's going to happen is going to happen."

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Keane kept up this philosophy when it was time for Avery and Kaitlyn to meet the new woman in their dad's life. The Oklahoma mom helped her daughters pack and walked them out to their dad's car. After they drove off, Keane remembers how she went back inside her home and cried.

"I just broke down by myself," she says. "I texted my friend Brooke, and I said, 'Brooke, I'm never going to recover from this. I'm never going to be okay. I'm destroyed. I don't know what to do.' "

Then her perspective started to shift. She thought about her mom, who went through her own difficult divorce when Keane was younger. Looking back on that experience, Keane realized her mother "never found her forgiveness, ever," she tells PEOPLE. Those weren't footsteps she wanted to follow.

Sitting in that despair after seeing off her daughters, Keane asked herself, " 'Erica, what's the one thing that your mom never did that you have got to do to be okay?' " she recalls. "I was thinking about my mom and my stepmom's relationship. She never, ever, ever thanked my stepmom. And in that moment, I said, 'Okay, start to spin your thoughts a little bit.' "

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She focused on the positives: "Think about how cool it is that there's another person that the girls get to meet. Think of it as another friend that's introduced to their life," Keane remembers reassuring herself. She reminded herself that it's human nature to feel jealous, hurt or any other strong emotions while processing the experience.

Then, Keane took out her phone and started recording for a number of reasons. In part, she did truly want her ex's girlfriend to see the open letter video.

"I wanted her to see my character, and yes, I wanted her to know that I do not hold animosity or grudges, and I'm good," she explains. "But really, truly, if it comes down to it, I probably made it out of the fact that I felt so misunderstood."

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When the video went viral, Keane was heartened by the support of her online community. She received encouraging comments and messages from women sharing their own similar experiences. But beyond the response on social media, the TikTok creator felt a sense of accomplishment. She remembered the words her ex left her with after they discussed his girlfriend.

"Remember, he told me, 'You can't control this,' " says Keane. "The level of acceptance I've had to have in identifying that I can't control it, I really did do a good job ... I was so proud of myself."

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