Mother of the Bride Demands 'Complete Control' of Wedding Guest List Since She's Paying: 'Is She Right?'
"I keep trying to argue with her that it's my wedding, I feel like I should get to invite who I want," the bride wrote on Reddit
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A mother and an upset daughter (stock image)A bride is facing a difficult dilemma as her mother has taken "complete control" of the guest list for her wedding with the justification that she is chipping in to pay for the event.
In a post on Reddit, the bride said she went into the wedding planning process "under the assumption that you get to invite whoever you want" — until her mother set her straight. "According to my mother, there are societal expectations with the guest list," she wrote. "For example, I can't pick and choose which cousins to invite. She said I have to invite first cousins (who I'm not really close to [and] only really see once a year)."
She said her mom also is insisting on inviting quite a few of her own friends whom the bride barely knows. "Do I want them at my wedding? Not really!" she noted.
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An upset bride (stock image)The bride has attempted to discuss the guest list issue with her mom and explain her point of view, but her mom isn't budging. "I keep trying to argue with her that it's my wedding, I feel like I should get to invite who I want. But she said because she's helping to pay for it (not the entire thing, just a portion), she gets to invite whoever she wants. Is she right?" she wondered.
The bride's mom is also making other stipulations about the guest list that don't sit well with her. "She's claiming that if my fiancé's family ends up inviting more people than her, they have to contribute more money. The initial agreement between my parents and his was that they'd all split it equally between the 3 of them (my parents are divorced)," the bride explained.
Now, with her wedding approaching, the bride is feeling conflicted. "I'm so excited for our wedding, but I wish I had more control over the guest list. Why should I celebrate my day with relatives/friends I'm not close to?" she wrote, before revealing that she is even considering addressing the dilemma by removing her mom's leverage.
"I'm this close to telling her to keep her money and that my fiancé and I will cover it, but I know she'd refuse," she concluded her post.
In the comments section, one person immediately reacted to the bride's point that her mom will refuse to bow out of paying for part of the wedding. "How can she refuse? The 'refusal' power is on your end, not hers!" they wrote, cautioning the bride that her mom is likely to start controlling other aspects of the wedding as well.
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"Of course you appreciate her and she's your mom, but this is how nonstop wedding planning drama erupts," they continued. "You've barely started and already the strings she's attaching are causing stress. It usually doesn't stop here."
Many others agreed that the only way the bride can regain control over her own wedding is to decline the financial contribution from her mother. "Unfortunately, a hard lesson to learn is that money does not always come free in this life. Because you accepted her money, she may feel entitled to have her opinions on who she wants to invite," one person noted.
Another person chimed in: "Can you afford to have the wedding you want with the people you want if you turn down her contribution? Because if the only effect of accepting your mother's 'help' is that she takes over and turns it into a party for a bunch of people you don't care about, what's the point?"
Someone else suggested that the bride offer her mom a compromise. "Give her a list of say 40 people max [that she can invite]. But keep it a hard line, be firm and stand your ground," they wrote. "Otherwise return the money."
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