A Mother Said 'No' To Letting Her Daughter Turn Her Wedding Dress Into A Suit, And The Internet Is Seriously Divided
If youāve ever planned a wedding, youāve probably faced some disagreements or minor conflicts along the way. But donāt worryāit seems like it's common for many people in the bridal party to encounter a bit of wedding-related drama.
On the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit, a situation concerning a wedding dress elicited some heated responses, and people were quite divided on which side to take.
Here's the full story as told by the mother, u/Comfortable_Love8350:
"My (44f) daughter (25f) is getting married later this year to her girlfriend (27f)."
"I had always dreamed of walking her down the aisle (my husband passed when she was a child), and she enjoyed talking about a future wedding and playing bride when she was a child, picking flowers and colors and venues. She loved watching the videos of my wedding and seeing me and her father get married and it was important in our bonding. When she was thirteen I promised her my wedding dress."
"However her clothing style is more manly, she began refusing to wear dresses or skirts when she was in her late teens, even trying to demand her school allow her to wear trousers, and it was difficult convincing her to wear dresses to formal events. She has gone through phases of wanting short hair, wanting to be a boy, and getting tattoos. I have always been very supportive of all of this, even when she met her girlfriend and proposed to her. I have encouraged her as much as I can. I am contributing significantly to the wedding."
"I recently called and asked her when she wanted me to bring over the dress as it would likely need slight alterations and she dropped the bombshell on me that she wanted to wear a SUIT and have my wedding dress altered to remove the skirt portion so that the bodice could be worn with trousers. At first I agreed but dragged my feet bringing the dress over. After a few weeks I changed my mind and told her that the dress was important to me and I didn't want her to ruin it. When I promised her the dress it was because I thought she would wear it as a dress, and she will only get to wear it if it is a dress."
"I offered that her girlfriend could wear it as a dress instead but my daughter said that would still be ruining it (her girlfriend is a much larger woman than me so it would need more altering) and has since not been answering my messages except with saying that the dress would be a connection to her dad so she is disappointed not to have it. I offered to go dress shopping with her for a replacement but apparently some of our family think I am stopping her having the dress because I disagree with her being masculine."
"AITA for telling her she can have it as a dress or not have it at all? I may be the asshole because I promised it to her, but that was when she was very young and before I knew she wanted to change it."
The comments section was pretty divided on the situation. Some people, like user u/TrainingDearest decided the mother wasn't in the wrong.
"You offered to 'lend' or let her 'use' your dress - not tear it apart in a way that destroys it forever," they wrote. "This dress is yours, with living, breathing memories attached to it. If it cannot be returned to you in it's original state, then NO, you are not the AH for changing your mind about this."
On the other hand, some people like user u/Usrname52 disagreed.
"You're the asshole," they commented. "It's fine to say something like 'I know I promised it when you were a kid, but the dress is very important to me the way it is, as a memory of your father.' ... But , this isn't about her changing [the dress] (because you seem fine with her future wife significantly altering it as long as it is still a dress), this is about how you don't want her wearing a suit."
And finally, others brought up other valid points.
Someone who goes by u/dncrmom asked the mother about what she'd do with the dress if not let her daughter use it. "But what are you saving it for?" they wrote. "To be donated after you are gone for a stranger to alter into something else? Your daughter wants to honor you by making your wedding gown into her own."
What do you think? Let me know in the comments.
