I Never Expected a Year with Cancer to Be My Best
You only live once.
Life is short.
Live life to the fullest.
I want to believe that I have always lived this way; but I probably didn't. After a year in treatment for breast cancer, though, I can now say all of these sayings and really mean it. It was a long year. It was my worst year. But it may have also been my best year.
I lived the year living. I lived the year celebrating (at least when I wasn't in treatment or recovering from each treatment.) I lived the year spending more time with close friends than any year before. I lived the year loving my boys and family more than ever. I lived the year working as hard as ever before, just working fewer days. I lived the year doing my best to help others (and boy is this rewarding!). I lived the year traveling than I have ever done before.
I wasn't able to travel or much of the year. But planning trips was one of the few things that got me through treatment, having experiences to look forward to. In between chemo and radiation, I took my boys and mom to London. Over December break I had a mini-getaway with my mom. Most recently, I took a trip that I didn't think I could do.
After going through treatment, I didn't think I could handle a warm weather vacation. I didn't think I had the patience or mindset to just chill out. But one of my new goals since diagnosis is to experience as many places as possible with my boys, show them the world and teach them about other people and other cultures through travel.
I learned not every trip or learning experience has to be on a double-decker bus (although I would do that again in a heartbeat!). So in February, we headed south and spent the most incredible week at Luxury Bahia Principe Fantasia in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
My kids learned about the island. We learned about their politics. We learned about how their citizens are talking about our politics. We lived a lot, too. We took advantage of all of the activities at the resort: Basketball court, pool games, extreme rope course.
We took a chocolate making class. We learned how cacao is grown on trees and how to make chocolate from it. We went on a day trip to zip-line and learned more about the culture and economy. On our hour and a half drive, we saw several impoverished villages. When we got off the bus, my son told me he wants to start a charity to help support the children.
I was able to chill out. I relaxed. I even enjoyed the pool with my boys — which was a big deal.
In the past, I might have been worried about how I looked in my bathing suit. I would have worried about getting my hair wet and then having to do it all over again for dinner. Now I was just worried how I would deal with my wigs. Could I swim? What if I got my wig wet? Well... I didn't have to worry about that.
On our way to the beach, Jaylan said, "Mom, are you coming in?" Then Jaron said, "Mom, it's OK now for you to take the wig off." So, in and under we all went.
We hugged in the ocean. We all had tears. I have never felt better. I have never felt more free. I haven't felt this healthy in a long time. Maybe this was exactly the trip I needed. To feel like me again. To get back to life. Life as a better me.
So ironically, perhaps my year in treatment for breast cancer may have also been my best year. Last year, I didn't know that could be a possibility.
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