The No. 1 lesson Wally learned on the internet: ‘I’m old’
No doubt about it. The internet has shattered any illusion I might have had about being hip enough to even understand what is going on anymore.
In fact, the term hip probably dates me as much as the internet stuff I get.
Someone sent me a post with the following quote: “At a certain point you have to accept the fact that you’ve turned into an old fart.”
No attribution for that quote although it shows up in a lot of places in slightly different forms. And if there’s one thing your children remind you of — frequently— is that you are an old fart. You can ignore your children but the internet is gospel, or so I am told.
To make it worse, I kept receiving invitations to join the Dull Men’s Club. So I did. People compete to post pictures of the funniest dull or mundane things. Like the post of some guy’s Allen wrenches sorted by size, color and quality.
Many include a banana for size comparison. I don’t know why. They just do.
I didn’t know there were any differences in the L-shaped wrenches. I just know I have dozens or them in my basement and on the rare occasion that I need one, I can’t find any. I suspect they hide down there with the equally elusive tape measures.
I also get a lot of construction fails. I have seen one crane fall at least 20 times.
You know you are old when you have a lot of stories but everyone you know has heard them — more than once. But you still tell them. Or you ask someone about something new and it’s five years old. Or all your doctors are retiring. You meet your new doctor and she or he obviously is a teenager.
Or maybe you ramble on about being old in your newspaper column and can’t remember the differences in the generations. What letter was that again?
Or you keep a written copy of your phone number because you can’t buy anything without it, it seems. Or you hate new food, modern restaurant decor and having to walk all the way from your handicapped parking spot.
Anyway, it beats dying if for no other reason than to hang around to see what amazing medical treatments they can come up with to keep you alive.
