"We Have Nothing To Do With Her Now": Parents Who Disapproved Of Their Kids' Marriage Are Sharing How They Handled It
Getting married is a major milestone in one's life, but when your parents or future-in-laws don't approve of your marriage, it makes things very challenging. Members of both the BuzzFeed Community and Reddit shared what happened when they either didn't approve of their kids' marriage or if their parents didn't approve of their marriage. Here is what they shared:
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1."My parents had reservations about my husband because he had been married before and had three kids when we got together. And they were absolutely right. I would tell my daughter not to marry a man with three kids and an ex-wife at 24. But I made the right choice, and we’ve been happily married for almost 20 years now. It wasn’t easy — I think it was a hell of a lot harder than it should have been — but we made it, and I love that man with all of me. He makes me better. For the record, my parents loved him, but not his situation. It didn’t have anything to do with him as a person."
2."When my dad went to my mom's father to ask for his blessing before proposing, my grandfather said no. My dad is a quadriplegic, and at the time, he hadn't yet found a viable line of work; he had dropped out of high school shortly after the accident, which left him paralyzed and was sort of aimless. My grandfather didn't think my dad could support a family. They married anyway and had some rough years, but my dad ended up starting a successful business ($8 million in revenue last year), and they were married for 40 years (my dad died two years ago). To his credit, my grandfather actually apologized to my dad, and they had a respectful, friendly relationship."
3."My MIL told her son that if he married me, she wanted nothing to do with him the rest of her life. That's great; we've been happily married for ten years now. She didn't like me because I made him realize how controlling and overbearing she was to him. He was in his 30s when we met, and she controlled his whole life. We have nothing to do with her now."
—Anonymous
4."Not that they ever said it, but I'm certain my parents weren't thrilled with my choice of a first wife. They flat-out tried everything to be friendly with her, but it simply didn't stick. But they did try, and they kept it to themselves. They never said anything, even after I announced my impending divorce. Now, my second wife actually cried happy tears during our wedding. They absolutely ADORE her. With good reason, I finally woke up and linked up with a decent woman."
5."My grandparents have always disliked my dad. My parents have been together since my mom was 16 and my dad was 21 in 1981. Even today, after 39 years of marriage, 43 years together, two kids, and two grandkids, they still don't like him. Everyone tolerates him, but no one likes him, including my brother and I. For some people, there is nothing you can do to win your in-laws over. We would absolutely have a huge party if my mom finally left my dad, hosted by my grandparents."
—Lauren, California
6."My dad wouldn't walk me down the aisle. Nine years later, I'm happily married with two children, and my grumpy dad is, well, he has gone no contact with me. I don't regret my decision one bit."
7."I’m a mom of two twin daughters. After many miscarriages, they were my husband and I’s rainbow babies. So, we’ve always been rather protective of them. When the younger twin, who we’ll call Emma, started dating her first boyfriend in college (she was never really into dating or anything, so this was a BIG deal for her), we were so eager to meet him. Let’s call Emma’s boyfriend Matt. We knew that Matt was 25 (Emma was 22 at the time), lived with some friends near the college’s campus, and they met at a Starbucks (where Emma went to study and where Matt was working at the time). So, when we went down to Emma’s college to visit her, I suggested to Emma that my husband and I would take her and Matt out to dinner so we could meet him. Emma was super reluctant and made every excuse for why he couldn’t come. Eventually, she agreed to invite him. My jaw dropped when we met Matt and Emma at the restaurant."
"Matt had many of a certain type of scar all over his arms. I started sweating, introduced myself, and then asked Matt about the history of the scars on his arms. It turns out Matt was an ex-heroin addict. He said that he was six months free of using the drug and counting. I knew that Emma and Matt had been together for four months at that point, so I excused myself to the restroom and motioned for Emma to come and follow me. Once we entered the restroom, I told Emma that she should break up with Matt immediately. When she questioned why, I pointed out all of the red flags. I told Emma that I loved her and that I refused to sit back and let her date someone who could potentially get her on drugs. Emma said she wouldn’t break up with Matt and walked back to our table. Dinner continued as normally as it could’ve gone.
As time progressed, I did everything that I could to convince Emma to dump Matt’s ass, and she did everything to convince me that he’s not who he used to be. She showed me paperwork, his addiction therapist bills, a statement from his therapist that he’s drug-free, and so much more evidence. I didn’t buy it and told her I didn’t want her to be associated with anything bad. She and Matt eventually moved in together and got good jobs. Matt’s scars started to fade. Matt proposed on Emma and Matt’s two-year anniversary. Emma said yes. My husband and I were livid. I called Emma at least twice daily to check in on her and convince her to back out of the wedding. I tried bribing her with expensive presents, money, cars, houses, some of my investments, and much more. Nothing worked.
The wedding ended up going through. Over time, I learned that Matt had come from an abusive family full of drug dealers and alcoholics. His family were all in jail, and he decided to just quit. He saw and knew how drugs ruined lives. I admired him for his strength and determination to become drug-free. I stopped judging him, and I then realized all of the green flags he had. He was so kind to my daughter. He respected my husband and I. He always brought us a gift when he visited. Most importantly, he makes my daughter happy. It’s Emma and Matt’s 15-year wedding anniversary. They have three beautiful children together, and Matt is an amazing dad. I adore Matt, and I often tell Emma that she chose well. I’ve apologized to both of them for being so judgmental. I know I sounded like an asshole in this story, but I feel like I did what was best for my daughter at the time (if you didn’t catch it, Matt had stopped using drugs just before he and Emma started dating)."
—Anonymous
8."I started dating him when I was 20 and him 22, and almost two decades later, my family loves him. My parents didn’t like him for the first few years due to our different ethnicities. I’m also about 2” taller than him, and he’s only 5’1”, while the men on my side are 5’10” to 6’5”."
9."The first time I met my now ex-son-in-law, I told my wife that our daughter would either marry him, get a restraining order, or both. Sadly, I was correct on all counts. He immediately moved her 15 hours away, then lied about a job transfer even further away (he never had to move) to sabotage her being made full partner at work. Now she’s stuck 13 hours from us because they have a child together. It doesn’t matter that he works from home. He harasses her daily over the most ridiculous things. His latest move is to sue for full custody (his reasons are beyond laughable) to keep my wife and I from seeing our granddaughter. Forget that she has seen us 3-4 times per year for the past 10 years."
—Rick, Alabama
10."I am the daughter of parents who did not approve of my marriage with my husband. I will tell you, it still is the single most detrimental thing in our marriage. Even though they now approve of him, the trauma and hurtful things they said caused a permanent negative impact on my relationship with both my parents and my husband, even after they 'approved.'"
—Anonymous
11."My parents weren't happy for both socio-economic and religious reasons. 41 years later, we're still together."
12."My son lived with his father from the time he was six. Although his father hated me, my son Jamie and I had a good relationship. I loved him very much, and I thought he felt the same. He turned 19 right after graduating high school and promptly told me he was marrying a girl he had only dated a few months. Jamie had never stayed with one girl very long, and I didn't think this one would be around for long either. She seemed nice enough, and I was always polite to her. I told Jamie privately that he should just live with her and not get married. I felt he was way too young to make that kind of commitment and take on the responsibilities of marriage, and I questioned why he would even want to at 19. He said he was getting married, and that was it. His dad thought it was great and thought I was again causing problems. Jamie cut off contact with me, didn't invite me to the wedding and now has two sons i can't see. His father is ecstatic. My heart is broken."
—Denise, Indiana
13."It was my marriage that was frowned upon. We met when I (F) was 8, he was 10. We grew up in the same circle. I was the good kid: stable, healthy, loving family; studious; rule-follower; he was the rebellious kid of our teen group: no parents to guide him; no promising future; drug use; dominant personality with his girlfriends at the time; no education past high school. When I was 17, we started making eyes at each other, but I knew it would never fly with my parents. He really wanted to give a serious relationship with me a try. This went on for years, and many life things happened that sent us on different paths. Nine years later, we crossed paths, and we STILL had a thing for each other. Older, without my parents being able to forbid our dating, we gave it a shot. My father died during this time."
"My mother was dead set against the relationship continuing. Still, we married 2.5 years into our relationship. It was always awkward between my mom and him. Until he and I had our first son. She saw how different he was from that old teenage boy she once knew and how she had held on to that image of him, but it wasn’t him anymore.
She saw how much he really loved me since we were teenagers. She saw how he had become a hardworking man, a wonderful and patient father, and a loving and caring husband. My mother came around (finally), and before she passed, she asked him for forgiveness for all those years of coldness and told him what a great man she thought he was. We have been married for 15 years and counting and are living the best moments of our lives."
—Anonymous
14."My parents disapproved of mine. I met my husband at 19 before he entered the army. He came from the 'wrong' side of the city. My dad was not thrilled. He wanted me to work on college and avoid the 'wrong' people. We dated for four solid months before getting married at the courthouse. I will never forget how my dad pulled me aside and told me, 'It's not too late to run,' and proceeded to tell me how much I was ruining my life. He didn't like my husband and said he would never amount to anything. Fast forward 16 years later, my dad absolutely loves my husband; he calls him 'son,' and I am pretty sure he likes him more than me. He is the favorite son-in-law between all my sister and I's spouses. My dad became the dad my husband never had. I like to remind my dad every now and then about how he wanted me to run. He laughs it off and tells me, 'You can run, but I am keeping my son.'"
—Cortney, Cincinnati
15."Our daughter was 24, he was 45. We didn't understand it. Neither had been married. They lasted seven years. He distanced her from all her friends and family. And she ended up addicted to drugs. Five years later, she is clean but brain-damaged."
—Anonymous
16."My mom and dad have passed on. They never liked any of the girls I brought home. They were terrified I'd fall in love with someone of a different faith. So, I always went to our own church schools. They had been raised in the West and looked at Southerners as ignorant. They were unhappy when I married a girl (of my own race and religious faith) who wasn't from the West. She was from Louisiana. Mom even popped off one time at supper about ignorant Southern women. I replied, 'Mom, that's my wife.' She left the table. That wife's (number 1) mother was not only raised in a different area of the US but in a different culture."
—Shervin, Taiwan
17."I'm the child that got married in this story. I was 16 when I met my future husband. He was 21 and had spent two years in the military during the Vietnam War. Now, he was in the Chicago Police Academy, waiting to graduate. We met when I was working a summer job because he used to work at the same place before going into the army. He invited me to lunch and impressed my 16-year-old self to no end. We started dating, which my mom hated. He was too old for me, and she was prejudiced because he was Italian and we were Irish. When I turned 18, he proposed, and we set a date for marriage."
"My mom said I could go to Europe if I canceled our wedding plans. Nope! We had a beautiful wedding in 1970 and are still married, 54 years later, with two kids and four grandchildren. My husband retired from the Chicago Police Department after 31 years of service with honors and decorations. Before my mom died, she told me I had made the best decision all those years ago and how proud she was of both of us."
—Anonymous, Minnesota
Do you have a similar story about not approving your child's marriage, or maybe your parents didn't approve of your marriage? Share your story with me in the comments below!
