Older Adults Are Sharing Why They Decided To Remain Single After Their Divorce, Breakups, Or Death Of Their Partners
We recently shared a post in which older adults who never got married shared what their lives are actually like. Their stories busted the myths of being single later in life and showed how they navigated dealing with stigma from others.
In the comments we heard from older adults who decided to remain single after relationships — whether it was divorce, breakups, or death — reveal why they are now living life without a partner, and their perspectives range from heartbreaking to insightful. Here's what they had to say:
1."I wish I hadn't gotten married and had children. I succumbed to the traditional path, ended up divorced, estranged from one child (and his wife and my granddaughter), and barely tolerated by the other after she married into the traditional family with the forever-married in-laws. I quit a great job with a Fortune 500 company to raise my kids for 15 years before divorcing after 22 miserable years of marriage."
"Being a parent was a thankless job for me, and I have nothing to show for it but a broken heart and a major career interruption. If I had it to do over, I'd remain single and childless or at least childless."
2."I was miserably married for 22 years. Divorced and found out later that he had hidden a lot of money. Had two daughters. I have no contact with one and minimal contact with other. I'm much happier at 72 than I have ever been. I have plenty of friends, enjoy my life, and look forward to each day."
"I should never have married a mama's boy or had kids."
3."I had one long-term relationship in my late teens/early 20s. I wanted to partner up again, but it never happened. I had a kid and parented him solo for 15 years. What I love about my life is the freedom to pursue my interests and hobbies and never having to negotiate or compromise while parenting my son. Sleeping in the middle of the queen-sized bed, only cleaning up after myself and my kid, and not relying on another person is peaceful."
4."I'm in my 30s. At age 15, I knew I didn't want to get married and have kids. That's not to say I didn't try. In my 20s, I seriously reconsidered it twice because of one great guy and another I didn't want to lose. In the end, I tried to make myself something I maybe really wasn't, and my mental health suffered greatly. I got into a relationship a couple of years ago (my first in 12 and a half years), and it was as bad as I remembered it from high school and college. I think singledom is definitely more for me, even though now and then, I wish I had that picture-perfect traditional life I see on Instagram."
"I also do feel a bit bad because, as an adult, there are fewer and fewer milestones. I see my friends get engaged, married, and have kids, and it feels like they're more accomplished than I am now. I don't know. I'll be honest and say I like the idea of falling in love more than I like relationships. I'm reserved and introverted. I like my alone time, and I'm practically inflexible on my preferences 😂 🤷🏻♀️."
—hof
5."In my 20s, I realized that although I liked being in relationships, I didn't want to get married. Just didn't see myself doing that. I did get married, for awful reasons, at 31 but realized that it was a mistake, and it lasted less than five years. I am much happier single again. I feel like the thought among people is 'any partner is better than no partner,' and the panic to find someone in life leads people to make hasty choices and end up with a terrible choice of a mate for them, but they'll stick with it because hey, they have someone."
"I have seen a close relative who was stuck in this way of thinking and made some dreadful choices. They think that being single is the worst thing in the world. But this relative is now happier as a single. Being married is not for everyone. Being single is not for everyone."
6."I have never wanted kids. I'm 43 and never changed my mind, regardless of people constantly telling me I would once I met 'the one.' I fell in love and still never wanted kids. I'm divorced and happy. I'm single because I'm not afraid to be and refuse to accept anyone who takes more than they contribute. I want to empower everyone to demand better."
7."I was widowed at 58. Most of my friends and family said I would 'find someone else' because 'you're so young.' I don't want to find someone else! I dated my husband for nine years before he finally convinced me to marry him; I did it to make him happy, but I didn't feel the need to be married to make myself happy. We had 32 wonderful years together before he passed, and I regret nothing. He's been gone five years, and I miss him more than words can express, but I have absolutely no desire to get married again."
"I don't feel the need to join the dating scene either. I'm at peace with my life. I enjoy doing what I want, when I want, and how I want. I have a tribe of equally strong, independent, single women with whom to navigate whatever is left of this amazing life!
8."I met the man I thought I would marry in high school. We also dated for a year in college, but through some miscommunications, we eventually went our own ways. He never married, either. I have enjoyed life and the ease of not justifying my decisions about how I live to a man. I worry a little now about how and where my life will end, but I don't feel I missed much."
"I never had the desire for children, either. There are too many people in this world already."
—Anonymous, 60, California
9."I got asked to get married in my early 30s (more like ambushed by the question). I said I needed time, and, looking back on it, for the next three years, I put up with a controlling, uncommunicative, uncreative, and unimaginative person until I finally broke up. Yes, it was hard, but no regrets."
—Anonymous, USA
10."I did get married three times. All ended badly, and all three were abusive. I did have a daughter with my third husband. She was planned and the best gift in life I ever received. She is 20 now, and we've always been very close since her father wasn't ever a part of her life. I've had three different boyfriends trying to find a good stepdad for her, but all three were so self-centered; I've chosen to remain single — no dating. Best decision ever. I feel at peace. With the exception of my daughter, I wish I had never been married. Only gave me heartache and trauma."
"Those who choose to remain single, either always or after experiencing horrible marriages, should be supported for their decision. If they are happy being single, be happy for them, and don't pity or push your ideas on them."
—Anonymous, 56 Oklahoma
11."I'm 75, and I've lived independently for the last 20+ years after divorcing in my early 50s. After that point in my life, I never met anyone who interested me enough to get involved again. I have two children in their 30s, and yes, I don't get to see them often because they are both happily engaged in busy/successful lives. I don't mind this; it makes me happy to see them living well. I'm still very active in my life. I still work less than I used to and remain quite active in my small-town community. Life is full, and I enjoy my own company."
"I have a dog, my faithful sidekick, and that's more than enough companionship for me now. I do what I want when I want to, and I enjoy that freedom. If I met 'the love of my life' tomorrow, I might very well consider a relationship again, but I don't see that happening, and I'm quite content with that reality."
—Anonymous, 75, New York
12.I was briefly married during my youth. It was the only time I ever felt lonely. Ironically, the people who have been the most insistent that I 'need to' or simply 'should' be married were the ones in the most miserable marriages. I include my parents.
—Anonymous, 66, New York
13."I married at an early age, and it didn’t work out. We didn’t know the importance of communicating. We both had affairs. I would love to get married again, but no one has chosen me. I have an older gentleman in my life who has been married twice already. He's a widow after the second marriage. I believe he doesn’t desire to marry again and only wants to see each other once every four months. I believe past marriages affect so many."
"I believe past hurts keep some from putting their hearts on the line. Here I am, desiring to love and be loved, but alone."
—Anonymous, 55, Alabama
14."I did get married because that was what was determined to be the norm, and that meant success. I was married for 28 years to a physically and mentally abusive man who had alcoholism. I was controlled, had no friends, did all the work, and paid most of the bills. I cared for my husband, who died in 2019 from cirrhosis. I was single for a year, and my high school boyfriend reached out on Facebook. We became friends and began dating. I told him I would never get married again. He said the same, so imagine my surprise when, on Christmas Eve, he had his 8-year-old grandson propose to me! I said yes but had no plan of going through with it. I slowly stopped going around him and broke up 10 months later. I am way happier being alone."
"I like not having to ask for permission to do something. I love doing what I want when I want, and I enjoy my own company. I never wanted kids and do not have any; I have dogs and cats, and I adore their companionship! These days, men are grown children who expect to be babies. NO, thank you! Single AF and staying that way!"
—Anonymous, 54, Ohio
15."Myth: If you marry young and divorce, you should find someone and remarry. I raised my daughter as a single mom from two years to 32 years as a divorced female. I wonder what's wrong with me since I can't find a partner — mostly because people around me have their significant other. I have had periods of dating over the past three decades, but each relationship ended because of the partner lying or not in the same space as I was as a single mother. As a parent, our primary responsibility is our child — at least it was for me."
"What I have learned, I love myself, and I love to travel. I know what I want and what I don't, so settling won't work for me. Only God knows if someone is out there for me. I will continue to enjoy and live my life to the fullest! Partner or no partner doesn't matter — just be true to yourself!"
—Anonymous, 60, Pennsylvania
16."I hope I'm not considered an 'older adult' at 34, but…yeah, relationships aren't right for me. Sometimes, I'll go on dates, but it's more of a 'what if I'm wrong' sort of thing than a 'I need to find someone' thing. It's probably not going to happen. Even people I find attractive and enjoy spending time with do not make the traditional 'live together, get married, have kids' and everything that goes with that sound appealing."
—deg4
17."I was married for 16 years to someone who was verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive. My father once told me, 'Being alone and lonely is one thing — to be with someone and be lonely is a totally different thing.' He was right. I have peace and tranquility in my life I never had before. And I'm not willing to relinquish that to anyone. There are far worse things in life than being 'alone!' I'll take it."
—Anonymous, 66, Arkansas
18."I was engaged twice. The first time I realized I was much too young at 19. The second time I was in my mid 20s. I was having lunch my with fiancée and realized that with continuing improvements in health care I could be sitting across from him eating for the next 60+ plus years. I couldn’t do it. All that time with one person. No. Throughs the years I’ve been in relationships but I’m quite happy being single and have no regrets"
—Anonymous, 75, Washington, DC
19."One common myth is something must be wrong with you if you've been single or never been married. The truth is my long-term relationships were so horrible (two relationships equaling 20 years) that I decided to be single and see what happens. I had so much peace during that time and was completely focused on myself and my son. I do not regret doing it because it nurtured my growth and happiness. I traveled and explored different career paths. At some point, I also wanted to have a partner to travel with and have some fun with. This was when I decided to join the dating pool, but I quickly realized that there were more negatives than positives."
"Very few are looking for meaningful relationships and are just interested in a more casual situation. It may be a symptom of dating platforms, and the quality has deeply suffered. I'm still in it, but contemplate being off of it every day. Single may just be enough."
—Anonymous, 52, California
20."I was widowed at 58, four years ago, after 31 and a half years together. The difference is that it's hard for me to be single — I feel best in a couple. I miss my husband terribly; time does NOT solve the problem, as they say. I miss the intimacy, a shoulder to lean on, and although I am an independent and financially strong woman (and I was the breadwinner in our marriage), I feel like I'm not protected anymore; I feel exposed somehow. I tried dating apps two times for three months each, which was terrible. I only met two people. Dating apps are not for people our age, that's for sure."
"In the meantime, my children, a daughter of 33 and a son of 27, are not interested in either marriage or kids and don't even have partners. They say that they feel just fine as they are. They live with me (which I'm grateful for as I wouldn't be able to live alone; it's too scary) and with our two dogs and one cat while working from home. So, we are all single, but we're very different about it 🤷."
And finally...
21."People say you'll be miserable and alone. I've never felt lonely in my own company, but I have felt lonely in the presence of men who claim to have loved me but never actually saw me. I'm also happier than I've ever been in my entire life. All of my energy, money, and time goes back into myself. I never feel 'obligated' to do something I don't want. I get to live every day with a sense of adventure. I always meet new people because I live in a big industrial loft in the center of downtown (not something many 'families' get to do). I'm not living some life or societal norm that was forced onto me — I can grow, learn, and change on my own. Being childless and being single the last few years has allowed me to address and heal my childhood trauma."
"Meanwhile, one of my sisters has a child, and she'll likely inflict similar trauma onto my nephew because she never took the time to be by herself, get to know herself, and be there for herself. In my opinion, far too many people have kids for no reason or without thinking it through — and then those people continue to inflict their unaddressed trauma onto their own kids without even realizing it. I feel at peace knowing I won't mess some kid(s) up one day. Instead, I get to live like a kid, except I make adult money now. And finally, having all your time for you is the most amazing experience in life."
—Anonymous, 36, Michigan
Older adults who choose to remain single later in life, what led to your decision? Feel free to tell us in the comments below. Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, feel free to use this Google form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
