Optimizing Your Personality Type Can Help You Maintain Your Social Stamina This Summer
With summer in full swing, your extroverted best friend is psyched to socialize the night away at your mutual friend’s backyard barbecue. You, on the other hand, are staring at the clock. (And I don’t blame you…your cozy bed is calling your name!) Meanwhile, your ambiverted go-with-the-flow partner, also in attendance, is happy to stay or to leave anytime.
If you’ve ever had similar struggles navigating social gatherings, you might’ve chalked it up to cut-and-dried personality types. But, contrary to popular belief, “extroversion is a dimension, so you can be higher or lower [on the scale],” says Michael Wilmot, PhD, an industrial-organizational psychologist and assistant professor of management in the Sam M. Walton College of Business at the University of Arkansas. You and your party-hopping pal aren’t total opposites—you each just thrive on different sides of the same spectrum. This sliding scale allows for increased variability in personality type, but we still live in a society where extroversion dominates and, between persistent RSVPs and continual FOMO, we don’t have adequate time to recharge, says psychologist Arnie Kozak, PhD, a clinical assistant professor at the University of Vermont College of Medicine and author of The Awakened Introvert. “The idea of happiness and sociability is on extrovert terms.”
Perhaps it’s no surprise then that, after being cooped up all winter, once Memorial Day rolls around, you’re scorched by an overscheduled summer. Weeknights are spent at work happy hours and catch-up dinners with friends, while your weekends are booked up with weddings and family trips. And if you have kids? Factor in the requisite parental attendance at summer camp functions, playdates, and community pool meet-ups.
The season is seemingly paradise for extroverts, but for introverts craving me time, it’s difficult to juggle an uptick in people-filled plans with other obligations. Ambiverts are smack-dab in the middle, so they’re able to adapt to the social flow more easily. Regardless of where you fall on the personality spectrum, it’s all too easy to spread yourself thin and burn out. (No matter how much SPF you put on before pool-party hopping!) Consider this a friendly reminder that you don’t have to live every day as if your life is a summer blockbuster—instead, you can tailor your plans to your personality, optimizing both in the process. Ahead, the science-backed ways to redefine your “best summer ever.”
Extroverts
The textbook extrovert is sociable, assertive, strong in leadership roles, and open to new experiences, Wilmot says. These stimulation-seeking peeps recharge by spending time with others, which elicits noticeably positive emotions. The higher you are on the extroversion spectrum, the less likely you are to become emotionally exhausted, see people as objects, or feel that you’re not accomplishing much, says Wilmot.
You already know extroverts enjoy socializing, but it’s necessary for them to get alone time too. “Sometimes, keeping oneself busy can be a way to avoid reflecting on negative or uncomfortable emotions,” says Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York and WH advisory board member. “They’re out with people so much that just being alone with themselves and their thoughts can almost feel awkward.” A personalized revitalize guide:
1. Remember to rest.
No matter your personality type—but for extroverts specifically—your number one priority should be sleep. “You’re not going to experience life to its fullest if you’re under-rested,” Wilmot says.
2. Schedule solo moments.
Whether once a week or once a month, RSVP (yes!) to planned alone time the way you would to a party, Carmichael and Kozak say. To make the most of me time, create a list of activities you truly enjoy or just need to do, including catching up on shows, having a spa night, or even cleaning or meal prepping.
3. Find solace in the silence.
“Solitude is a virtue,” says Kozak. In fact, he believes everyone should cultivate the luxury of alone time to ensure they have a solid relationship with their inner selves. Dunno what to do without your default distractions? Start by setting aside 10 to 20 minutes of quiet time to journal and/or meditate. Journaling is “such a poignantly self-reflective activity,” Carmichael says. You’ll get to know your authentic self better, so you can sparkle even brighter at the next soiree.
Introverts
Spending time solo rejuvenates introverts—they’re less sociable, less assertive, and less involved in stimulation-seeking activities. Introverts, in general, already have a high level of internal stimulation and physiological arousal likely due to their higher dopamine levels, Kozak says, so they don’t need as much excitement from their environment. Naturally, introverts are more at risk for getting exhausted from a summer BBQ or other (seemingly endless) social situations. Here’s the survival plan:
1. Fake it ’til ya make it.
Don’t really want to be the plus-one to a friend’s pool party? Pretend you’re pumped after getting the invite—it may even help to list three things to look forward to—and then actually go, of course. A majority of introverts who acted like extroverts for a week ended up having a greater sense of well-being, found a study from the University of California at Riverside. To truly experience the positive emotions that come with extroversion, there may be no substitute to getting out and engaging with people, Wilmot says. (Hugging, dancing, and laughing, ftw!)
2. Socialize on a smaller scale.
When you’re partied out, plan an intimate gathering with one or two encouraging friends, because that’s less taxing for an introvert, Kozak says. Optimize your social plans “in terms of the positivity that you can potentially get out of that situation,” Wilmot adds. Basically, consider how you’ll feel after attending a party where you might know only a few people vs. grabbing brunch with your best buds, and do whichever social event will be the bigger boost.
3. Recharge the old-fashioned way…
…By being alone. But create a strategic schedule, goals, and boundaries having to do with building relationships. Make a few plans, and send your regrets when you need space: “If you don’t have boundaries, other people will make them for you,” Wilmot says. So, if you’re attending a wedding next week, plan to stay in this week to prepare. Just make sure you also set guidelines around alone time so you still feel you have a community, Carmichael adds.
Ambiverts
Living in the middle of the extroversion spectrum, ambiverts usually lean one way or the other under stress, Carmichael says. Because ambiverts typically have more balance in their life, they’re already pretty good at managing their schedule. Lucky them! But since everyone could use a boost, here’s your go-to guide for handling especially busy eras:
1. Create social self-stability.
It’s beneficial to monitor whether you have seasonal social patterns, like if you hibernate in the winter and go all out during the summer, or if you’re stable all year round, Carmichael says. If you do tend to change with the seasons, anchor yourself with one or two weekly social plans throughout the year. By maintaining this burnout-busting balance, you’ll never feel overwhelmed or feel the need to overcompensate.
2. Go with your gut.
When it comes to social gatherings, see how you’re feeling—after all, it’s lower stakes for you than for an introvert or extrovert. You might rather stay in than go to a party with people you don’t know too well, for instance, Wilmot says. Tune in to what your body and mind needs, whether that’s time to yourself to reflect or an impromptu FaceTime to connect with your social circle.
3. Lean in to your needs.
Stay watchful, especially during busy weeks at work or extra demanding times of year, says Carmichael. Knowing which way you lean—whether you party or isolate in moments of stress—will tell you if you need alone or social time, she adds. Then, get out—or in—and do your thing!
Besides the requisite advice to take care of your body, everyone, regardless of where they fall on the extroversion scale, should “focus on what can bring you positive emotions [and] what you can control,” says Wilmot. For example, cut down on TikTok time and get outside to read a book instead. Plus, meditating in your designated alone time can give any personality type “restorative value,” Kozak says. Want to take a page from a real woman’s playbook? Here’s how WH editors everywhere along the spectrum recharge.
This article originally appeared in the July/August 2023 issue of Women's Health.
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