Pamela Anderson Moved Back to Canada to ‘Disappear’ When She Felt Her 'Whole Life Was a Bundle of Mistakes’

The actress opens up about reclaiming her childhood home and finding domestic bliss in the September cover story of 'Better Homes & Gardens'

Pamela Anderson is reflecting on her decision to return to her Canadian roots during a dark period in her life in a candid new interview.

In the cover story for the September issue of Better Homes & Gardens, the actress, 57, opens up about moving back to Vancouver Island, British Columbia — where she was born and raised — around the start of the pandemic in 2020. She explains she was caught up in what she felt the public's perception of her was — from her career choices to her relationships — and it led her to question herself.

“A few years back, I kind of gave up at some point and needed a change,” Anderson said. “I thought, 'Well, I guess that’s just what people think of me. I was not in a good space when I moved back to Canada.”

“I don’t know what happened over the last few decades, but I feel now so far removed from the image of who I was,” she continued. “I felt very sad and lonely. I didn’t feel just misunderstood, I felt like I had really screwed up, that my whole life was a bundle of mistakes. I was hard on myself, and I thought I put my family through a lot and put my kids through so much.”

Related: Pamela Anderson Recaps Her Vacation with Son Dylan in the South of France with Photos and a Poem: 'I Will Miss You'

Anderson shares two sons with her ex-husband Tommy Lee, whom she was married to from 1995 to 1998: Brandon Thomas, 27, and Dylan Jagger, 26.

Before relocating to Canada, the Love, Pamela author resided in Marseille, France, for two years. In 2021, she sold her longtime Malibu mansion.

“I came to a point where I decided to move home and disappear and get into my garden,” Anderson shared.

She purchased a motel once owned by her grandmother, which she notes is where her own parents brought her home from the hospital when she was born. It’s also where her grandfather inspired her love of gardening as a child.

The Chicago star says expanding her grandfather’s garden was “really like a metaphor of putting my life back together,” where “the smallest things became really profound.”

She also began renovating the property, which needed plenty of work.

“I mean, you should see the before pictures,” Anderson says. “It was decayed and rotten to the ground. I lived in another little house on the beach that I had that was livable.”

Anderson says going home “felt like it was the end,” but ultimately, it inspired her to write her 2023 memoir, which was released in tandem with a Netflix documentary, Pamela, A Love Story.

Related: 12 Gorgeous Throwback Photos of Pamela Anderson

“It took me a couple years of transitioning and thinking,” she says. “I was finally able to sit with myself. There was nothing else to do but write a lot.”

Anderson is also releasing a new cookbook, titled I Love You, this October.

“Coming back to my childhood home has revealed a very magical path to me,” she says. “ It’s a romantic way of living in nature with compassion and sensuality.”

Anderson's new lifestyle includes making her own rosehip oil, salt scrubs and candles. And she's so attached to her vegetable garden that her mother, Carol Anderson, is sending her photos of it while Pamela is away filming an upcoming Naked Gun reboot.

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“It may look confusing to some people, but it all makes sense to me,” she says. “I’ve got every kind of heirloom tomato imaginable. Oh my gosh, I’m really excited to get home after filming ends.”

Last month, Anderson marked her 57th birthday on Instagram with a series of photos of herself enjoying gardening and baking.

The slideshow also included a special message: "I'm going to make life beautiful no matter what it takes,” she wrote.

To read the full cover story and see more photos, pick up the September issue of Better Homes & Gardens, or visit bhg.com

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