Parody Account Nori's Black Book Calls Kim Kardashian's Cardigan Moment 'Disrespectful'
The trauma.
My therapist says the pain of trauma can be the catalyst for personal growth. After hearing this I started to prioritise my needs and wants. I threw myself into self-care, my music, and other projects. This left little time to dedicate to my Mummy, Kris, and those other girls for the Met Gala. For my mental health, I set boundaries this year. I know I sound like Auntie Kourtney, but the older I get the more I realise that maybe she was on to something. These people are toxic and annoying. I need to keep them away as much as possible.
I agreed to consult the girls on fashion and glam and attend a limited amount of fittings for each family member. Most importantly, I was firm in not traveling to New York for the Met Gala.
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I went to New York last year for the Met and the car broke down on the way to the gala and the cheap beading fell off of Mummy's dress. Play with somebody else, I won’t be there.
Mummy wore Schiaparelli for the previous year’s Met Gala. The pearls looked fake, the diamonds ruined everything, and her outfit looked beachy. Don’t even get me started on the prom hair. I told her if she wanted me to be involved this year, she had to let me do my job. I’m not putting my name on something that looks like it was made with a circuit. She seemed compliant and she signed the NDA.
I sent The Malikas and Mummy to a few fashion shows and from there, we created numerous mood boards and lookbooks. It was an extensive process, but we finally settled on Maison Margiela by John Galliano. Mummy attended the SS24 show and felt inspired. I made the appropriate contacts to do some pulls and arranged for custom pieces to be made. Everything came together beautifully, but we had a back-and-forth about the cardigan.
Mummy fought me on that cardigan. It’s the Met Gala and she wanted to wear a cropped sweater on the red carpet.
She looked like she had a book club meeting after the Met Gala. It’s obvious that Mummy has aged out of modeling, sells eye cream, and still uses Facebook, but she doesn’t have to look like it. Ditch the sweater!
We went to war. Mummy wanted to wear the cardigan because it was worn on the runway at the Haute Couture SS24 show. I told her I understood that, but she wasn’t executing the look. She just didn’t have it. I begged her not to embarrass herself or me. Especially me. I’ve been through too much.
Mummy agreed not to wear the cardigan. So, imagine how surprised I was to see her in a tacky, elderly cropped sweater on the red carpet at the Met Gala. She’s so disrespectful and has no regard for me or my reputation.
That’s fine. It’s her looking crazy, not me. Mummy better not come crawling back to me when the blogs say 'she’s giving old maid, who owns too many cats'.
In my new effort to set boundaries and limit my time with Kris and her kids, I consulted everyone for two days each. Not a minute more. For anything needed outside of those days, my instructions were to submit inquiries to the Malikas and I would respond at my earliest availability. Most of the time I wouldn’t respond. For example, Kylie wanted to know if Norman could do the red carpet with her, and if so, we should schedule a fitting. Not my department, babe. I can’t help you.
At the fitting, my initial impression of Auntie Kylie’s look was a bridesmaid who bought their dress from the clearance rack at David’s Bridal. Those were the notes that I gave her and she still wore this dress. It was Oscar de la Renta and she loved how classy it looked. I’ve been working on me so I gently told her, 'Look. I get it. Travis Scott didn’t marry you and the wedding special we pitched to HULU fell through. I’m still mad about the money we lost on that, but that doesn’t mean you should wear a bridal collection to the Met Gala. Get a grip.' But again, what do I know? She wore it anyway and she looked like someone’s maid of honour.
A month before the Met Gala Timothée Chalamet’s team informed us that he was not doing the Met Gala red carpet with Auntie Kylie. I told him to reread his contract because it states that he needs to attend at least one major red carpet this year. His lawyer quickly pointed out that while that was true, the red carpet Timothee attends would be at his discretion. I couldn't argue with that, my lawyers advised against it.
That was fine. Auntie Kylie has done plenty of solo red carpets, what's one more?
Auntie Kendall wore a piece from the 1999 archive Givenchy by Alexander McQueen. This sounds impressive until you see that she looks like a character from Game of Thrones. I had The Malikas remind the girls almost every day that the theme was 'Garden of Time'. This doesn’t give garden, but it does give 'I wasted North West’s time', so at least she managed to stay on theme.
I have to admit that I was proud of Kris. She didn’t wear a pantsuit to the Met Gala and it was probably one of the toughest decisions she’s ever had to make in her life.
Her pantsuit obsession is so bad that the woman wants to be buried in a Stella McCartney pantsuit. I told her to get it in writing.
Kris wore Oscar de la Renta. She respected the theme and still looked age-appropriate. By that I mean she looked amazing, but at the same time, she still looked 25 years older than her boyfriend, Corey Gamble. That’s what I call balance.
During the days I was consulting, I had major input in glam. Everyone’s hair and make-up looked flawless at the Met Gala, but I will not take responsibility for their fashion choices. I went to all the fittings and they were a disaster. I tried to lend my expertise, but the girls swore they knew more than me.
I’ve had a clothing line, I’ve modelled, I’ve low-key attended the Met Gala, I have valuable relationships within the fashion industry, I’ve sat front row at fashion shows since I was a baby, I’ve been in and on the cover of reputable fashion magazines, I have styled my family cover shoots, I have a successful music career, I’ve been in a major motion picture, my name holds weight at Nobu… but what do I know? Why should the girls listen to me? Kris sells cleaning supplies, Auntie Kylie sells lip gloss, and Auntie Kendall models whenever she feels like it. Glowing resumes. Surely, they know what’s best.
None of the girls made the best-dressed list, but they were confident in their bland, off-theme looks. And after all we’ve been through as a family, it feels good to say to them... I told you so.
Follow Nori's Black Book (@norisblackbook) on Instagram here.
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