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People With ADHD Are Sharing The Things About It That People "Just Don't Get," And It Sounds So Frustrating

Julia Corrigan
·8 min read

Recently, Reddit user ViolinistMiddle1534 turned to the popular Ask Reddit page to ask people with ADHD, "What are the things about it that people just don’t get?" and their answers ranged from fascinating to therapeutic to hear. Here or some that you may or may not relate to!

Multiple brain MRI scans showing various cross-sectional views and detailed brain structures
Multiple brain MRI scans showing various cross-sectional views and detailed brain structures

1."I am absolutely dying to do the thing. I want to do the thing more than you want me to do the thing. Not having done the thing is ruining every minute I spend not doing the thing. But I can’t do the thing right now."

A woman in a classroom looks at a laptop screen with a thoughtful expression; an open book lies beside her
A woman in a classroom looks at a laptop screen with a thoughtful expression; an open book lies beside her

—u/whatshamilton

2."Many of us have used stress to focus in the workplace; you can’t turn it off and it leads to burnout."

—u/skyborn_dreamer
—u/skyborn_dreamer

—u/skyborn_dreamer

"It’s funny, I only realised I had ADHD when I went beyond burnout and just couldn’t motivate myself to do ANYTHING."

—u/LochNessMother

3."ADHD often comes with an auditory processing disorder, especially in women."

Two people are seated outdoors at a café. One is holding a menu and talking to the other. People and tables are visible in the background
Two people are seated outdoors at a café. One is holding a menu and talking to the other. People and tables are visible in the background

"People don’t understand I can hear you just fine, I’m not going deaf; it’s just what you said to me is either processed as complete gibberish, or if there are multiple other sounds in a small area, I input them all at the same volume.

The TV is the same volume as the dishwasher which is the same volume as the dog scratching her back which is the same volume as what you just said to me. It’s sometimes impossible to sort unless I am looking at your face as you speak to me."

—u/Commander_Fem_Shep

4."It is truly a special kind of hell to be a perfectionist in the deepest reaches of your soul, but at the same time, not have the drive or ability to achieve said perfection."

Person in sparkly outfit seated in festive setting, smiling with arms open. Text reads, "The details! It's the details!"
Person in sparkly outfit seated in festive setting, smiling with arms open. Text reads, "The details! It's the details!"

—u/Blinding_faith

"Sometimes, for me, it's like this administrator in my head stops me and says, 'This isn't going to end up perfect like I want. So why even start?'

And that gets in the way of me trying so many things I want to do."

—u/thedanyon

5."The irrational rage when someone innocently interrupts a hyper-focus. The frustration of desperately wanting to do the task but the brain is like, nah, what about this unimportant thing?"

Person writing math equations in a notebook at a desk with laptop and glasses nearby
Person writing math equations in a notebook at a desk with laptop and glasses nearby

—u/dragon34

6."I trip and stumble over my words constantly when I'm speaking because by the time I've finished a single sentence, 30,00,00,000 new things have happened in my brain."

—u/EstateDangerous7456

7."People don't get how exhausting it can be to constantly fight with your own brain to do the simplest tasks or how deeply it affects your self-esteem when you're labeled as lazy or inattentive."

A person with glasses sits on a sofa, holding their head with both hands, appearing stressed or deep in thought
A person with glasses sits on a sofa, holding their head with both hands, appearing stressed or deep in thought

—u/vickysbae4

8."Task avoidance is my biggest issue. And the resulting shame from having to admit that I struggle with such simple shit that everyone else can do with no thought."

A person in a casual outfit sits on a bed, using a smartphone, surrounded by photos and decorative lights on the wall
A person in a casual outfit sits on a bed, using a smartphone, surrounded by photos and decorative lights on the wall

—u/disincline2acquiescence

9."I wish people understood that ADHD doesn’t just affect your ability to focus. It really needs to be renamed. ADHD changes your brain chemistry and the way that different parts of the brain communicate with each other, which means that it has a TON of symptoms that affect every part of our daily lives."

"We have trouble with executive function, which means that no matter how hard we may want to do something, we may not be able to force ourselves to do it.

We struggle with motivation because every task is high-priority, yet our brains don’t reward us for completing them..."

"We have auditory processing issues, and I couldn’t tell you why. As far as I know, it’s just to make our lives harder."

Person sitting at a table in a cafe, looking at a laptop screen with a thoughtful expression, surrounded by other people working
Person sitting at a table in a cafe, looking at a laptop screen with a thoughtful expression, surrounded by other people working

"On the bad days, speech has no meaning, it’s just sound. It’s like the adults talking in Peanuts cartoons. We want to listen, but it’s just noise.

We have trouble regulating our emotions. It’s different for everyone, but for me, emotions are either unbearably intense or nonexistent and there is no middle ground.

There’s so much going on for us at any given moment that it’s no wonder we can’t pay attention. It’s exhausting. It’s not cute or funny, even though we do enjoy poking fun at ourselves. I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that most of us would give anything to have our brains function normally."

—u/PixelRapunzel

10."The memory issues. It's so frustrating to get up to do a thing and then end up in a loop because I forgot what I was doing in the middle of doing it so I have to circle back around trying things to shake loose the memory of what I was doing in the first place."

Person speaking outdoors with the text "Yeah, I forgot to do that" on screen; background blurred
Person speaking outdoors with the text "Yeah, I forgot to do that" on screen; background blurred

"The memory issues combined with the auditory processing issues plus being embarrassed about the whole thing means I often miss conversations or key info, or completely forget that conversations happened.

Having to ask someone to repeat themselves sucks. Usually, they get super upset, saying I'm disrespectful and obviously don't care if I can't pay attention to what they're saying."

—u/Silaquix

11."I really, really, really want to do the things I have to do, but sometimes I just can't. I'm more annoyed about it than you are."

—u/rockytheboxer

"If I could make people understand just one thing about ADHD, it'd be executive dysfunction."

—u/allyrbas3

12."It's not that I can't pay attention. It's that I can't regulate attention."

Person with curly hair sits at a desk, leaning on their hand, appearing thoughtful or tired. Office setting with blurred screens in the foreground
Person with curly hair sits at a desk, leaning on their hand, appearing thoughtful or tired. Office setting with blurred screens in the foreground

"The distress at being overstimulated and not being able to calm my nervous system down enough to do something, anything, to get out of decision paralysis."

—u/comfortablyflawed

13."In order to accomplish almost any task, I have to feel massive guilt or sheer panic. Either way, my brain has to be going 110% just to get 10% of the motivation I need for life."

—u/ThorsHammerTacker

14."Without my meds, I’m incredibly unpleasant to be around and struggle to do basic tasks. Yet, every month, I have to fight for them because of the class of drugs they are."

Person holding pills in one hand and a pill bottle in the other, sitting at a table, suggesting medication or supplements usage
Person holding pills in one hand and a pill bottle in the other, sitting at a table, suggesting medication or supplements usage

"I know they’re stimulants and susceptible to abuse, but they don’t do that for me. I only notice when I don’t take them because I start to get irritable and fatigued. They don’t get me high at all, they just give me a better baseline. But I’m treated like a drug seeker every time."

—u/Agitated-Bee01696

15."If they can't see it, they don't think it's real."

"Not having an executive function isn't seen as a disability but as a moral failure. Thus, you are a bad person when you do something hyperactive, impulsive, or emotionally unregulated.

After diagnosis, I made peace with this and stopped beating myself up for all the ruined relationships, stupid things said or done, failures, and time lost to hyperfocus."

—u/Glitter_Pearll

16."The environment around you can really overstimulate you when it doesn't bother others."

Person stands still in a busy hallway, holding a book, surrounded by blurred motion of people walking by
Person stands still in a busy hallway, holding a book, surrounded by blurred motion of people walking by

"Then you get irritated and people don't understand why."

—u/Spiritual_Lemonade

"It’s funny, at 40 years old I was finally diagnosed and given medication. I took my children fishing and the glare of the sun didn’t bother me. Neither did the brush rubbing my legs on the walk to the lake, the bugs, the breeze."

—u/Snoogadooch

17."People need to get straight to the point; my attention span is very limited, especially in work meetings."

—u/commentaror

18."That meds really make a huge difference."

Person in a lab coat looking through a microscope, with test tubes nearby, focused on scientific research
Person in a lab coat looking through a microscope, with test tubes nearby, focused on scientific research

"I was diagnosed at 36 after two graduate degrees and a bar exam. I was so pissed off when I got meds because I suddenly didn't have to spend 40% of my brainpower hacking my brain. It's like a computer constantly running Adobe Photoshop or some other massive program in the background. It slows everything down.

I could have fucking been President by now with a childhood diagnosis and access to drugs. It's this easy for neurotypicals? You just DO THE THING? What the fuck."

—u/NeverSayBoho

19."Women are SO grossly misdiagnosed because ADHD presents JUST different enough that it gets mixed up as anxiety, BPD, and depression."

"I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression since I was 16 and now, at 35, have been diagnosed with ADHD. Depression and anxiety tend to be comorbid, so ADHD gets missed. It's not all bouncing, happy, hyper behaviors. Particularly in females."

—u/anothermanicmumday

20.And finally: "I’m going to throw a positive one out there on behalf of my ADHD sister. My sister is incredibly intelligent and has pretty severe ADHD. She works in surgery, and the fast-paced environment actually works really well for her."

Doctors in surgical attire operate in a well-lit operating room, focused on a patient outside the image's view
Doctors in surgical attire operate in a well-lit operating room, focused on a patient outside the image's view

"She can channel her bird brain side, as well as the super focused side of her, depending on what’s needed. Something about that environment makes it easier to train your brain to switch back and forth between those modes at the appropriate moments."

—u/dogid_throwaway

Fascinating. If you relate, let me know down below! I want to hear all about it.

Or, if you want to write in but prefer to stay anonymous, you can check out this anonymous Google form.

Note: some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity. 

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