"She Just Laughed": People Are Sharing The "Green Flags" They First Noticed In Their Partner

Over on Quora, tons of people answered the question, "What was the first 'green flag' you noticed in your partner?" Wanna-be romantics and people just looking to be better in relationships, get out your pencils and take note:

1."Our first date consisted of drinking coffee and a walk. Our second date was a walk around a local nature reserve — we both have an interest in the natural world. On the date, I mentioned that I had never been to Spurn, which is a boulder clay spit sticking out into the North Sea. Our third date was a trip there, and we walked along the path to the Point and through the sand dunes back to the car park. Our third walk was around the salt marsh. By now, we'd been on Spurn for several hours. I really liked her and was a bit worried that a mature, sophisticated woman like her would soon get fed up with this so I was racking my brain to think of a 'better' place to take her. I couldn't think of anywhere. After half an hour, she apologized profusely for keeping me somewhere so wild, but it was heaven to her. Twenty-five years later, at least twice a week we go somewhere similar, and she never complains (and neither do I)."

—John M., Quora

2."We agreed to meet in a ramen restaurant for our first date. I'd brought with me a game that I really like so we could play with it if the conversation didn’t flow enough, because normally I’m not a great conversationalist — I’m much better at listening. But he asked insightful questions about every simple detail of myself that I told him — questions no one had really asked me before. It was easy and effortless to talk with him about any topic, and almost two years later, we still spend hours talking about everything. He’s always interested in what I think, and any new thing I learn. His honest and sincere interest in getting to know me and actually listen was the biggest green flag ever. Every day I’m grateful to have met him."

—Paola E., Quora

3."It was years before my husband and I ever dated. I met him at a party a friend of mine had at her house — a long weekend sleepover thing. We were all around 16, and there weren’t supposed to be boys over, so of course we invited them. But we weren’t really the party type, so we just hung out until we fell asleep. My friend Sam brought her boyfriend — my future husband — over. She fell asleep on him, and he just held her and let her sleep for hours. While she slept, he pulled a gift necklace out and slipped it around her neck. It was one of the sweetest things I’d ever seen at the time. Four years later, when we’d met again at a different friend’s party, we spent hours together that night, then the next two days he came over for hours each time."

—Sarah H., Quora

4."We met online and lived quite a distance apart, so when we first met, I picked him up at the train station. I stood at the top of the stairs that led to the underground pass for the passengers, and I saw him come around with his little suitcase. He walked up a few steps, then returned to help an elderly lady with her bag, and he slowly walked next to her. He kept an eye on her, so he never even saw me standing up there. I was definitely sure he was the one after seeing that. We've been married for 14 years now."

—Katrin B., Quora

5."He bought me bass clef earrings and a coloring book with gel pens for my birthday — I wear a lot of big chunky jewelry, I play trombone, I like to color to relax, and I prefer gel pens because of how smooth they are while still giving bright colors. It wasn’t an extravagant or expensive gift, but it showed that he paid attention to ME. He bought something that he knew I would love, instead of something that he could brag about. I fell head over heels that day. We’ve been married seven and a half years now and have three kids together, and he still notices the little things. Grand romantic gestures look great in movies, but it’s the little things that really show love."

—Shelly J., Quora

6."My husband is a very shy man. When we went out on a first date, he barely even looked at me. I very reluctantly accepted to go out on a second date, which ended up being pretty much the same. This led me to believe that there was just no chemistry between us, and that it was best we end it at that point. I really liked him, but didn’t want to get hurt, as I thought he might be an emotionally unavailable person. My husband’s reaction was, 'Ok, this makes me very sad, but if you don’t think going out with me makes sense, there’s just no point going forward. However, may I ask for a reason?' I have to admit I was surprised to hear such a response. I explained to him how I felt, to which he said that he actually likes me a lot but is extremely shy, and that if I'd like to go out with him again, he'd be more open. On our third date, he greeted me with a big grin and a warm hug. From then on, we were inseparable."

—Alma, Quora

7."I met my husband on an online dating app. The first green flag was when the administrators contacted me and sent his profile directly to me. I shouldn’t have met him, because I wanted to meet someone within 25 kilometers of my house, I’m Canadian, and he lived 5000 kilometers away in the US, but the administrators asked me if I’d make an exception. In his profile, he said something so simple, but it resonated with me: 'Life is average, and every now and then something extraordinary happens — then it goes back to average.' After reading profiles of men who skydived, bungee jumped, and were adrenaline junkies, his calm and realistic view of life was refreshing."

—Earth Angel, Quora

8.“He asked, 'Have you eaten today?' At the time, I was the administrator of a long-term care facility and a single mom of four children, as well as a full-time PhD student. Eating rarely crossed my mind. One day, we had a conversation about how I'd like to get better at that, since my body was feeling the effects of not eating. We didn't talk for a few days after that because he broke his phone at work, but when he did, he texted me those words. I hadn't, and he knew, so he ordered food for my kids and I so that I could relax and eat. It's a simple thing, really, but a really huge small thing that showed me how considerate he was."

—Brittany B., Quora

9."I have a terrible sense of direction. When, early on in our dating, I got lost driving us somewhere, she just laughed and said, 'Well, we aren’t in a hurry, are we?' How could I not fall in love with her?"

—Douglas M., Quora

And finally...

10."We started dating right after we first met, but a few weeks in, I started panicking and tried to pull myself away from the relationship. I conveyed this to him one evening, and we didn’t talk for the next few hours. When I called him, expecting he might have felt bad, to my surprise he was sleeping and seemed unaffected by our last conversation. When I asked him why he didn’t make an issue out of it, he simply said that he knew I was panicking about random things. This was the first green flag I noticed in him. I have extreme mood swings, and the person who I am in the morning is not who I am in the evening. It takes courage and commitment from his side to understand who I am and accept who I am."

—Nimmy R., Quora

These entries have been edited for length and clarity.