Love And The Economy Are Modern Hellscapes, And Here Are 20 "Breakup-Over-Money" Stories That Prove It
Time and time again, money proves to be a leading cause of divorce. But finances can cause problems long before marriage is even on the table: take this submission to The Cut's advice column, where a young woman details her boyfriend's decision to move home to Las Vegas because the cost of living in Seattle had gotten too high — in her words, "the economy ruined [their] relationship."
As it turns out, plenty of couples have called it quits over money-related strain: maybe dating was too expensive, one of the pair proved irresponsible with a joint bank account, or one of the typical milestones of a long-term relationship (moving in together, getting married, having kids) was out of reach financially.
We recently took to the BuzzFeed Community, plus subreddits like r/Divorce, r/Breakups, and r/relationship_advice, for some answers and anecdotes: Has money ever caused the demise of your relationship? Here are some of the most gripping accounts.
1."My now husband got divorced after 17 years of marriage. He was deployed several times. His ex-wife never worked and controlled every aspect of their finances. Toward the end of their marriage, he opened a bank account to put $75 for personal expenses (he used to commute to another state for work) and invested money into Bitcoin. When she found out that he had invested money and that there was an account that she had no access to, she lost her mind and asked him for a divorce."
"Now, she still doesn't work, and he has to pay $1k in alimony and $2k in child support. When we got married, we decided that the best option was to get a prenup, keep our finances separate, and only have a joint account for joint expenses like mortgage, electric bill, etc. We do not talk about money, nor do we decide/question what we do with our money for our personal accounts."
2."I broke up with my abusive partner as soon as I got a raise and realized I could afford my apartment alone, even if it left me with $20 to my name each week."
"Best decision I ever made."
3."I split with someone at the age of 30. We'd been together six years. I wanted to buy a house. He was happy in his part-time job. There was no growth on his part during that time at all. By the end, I was a different person. It was hard to end it as he hadn't done anything wrong. No cheating, no major arguments, nothing you could put your finger on. It didn't matter. It wasn't right, and I knew it. I'm now happily married to the love of my life."
"You only get one life and one chance at it. Be happy."
4."Over the course of our relationship, she basically demanded that I financially support her. When we decided to do long distance together, I paid for all the travel, which is fine honestly. It was a struggle but I don't blame anyone for that. When I eventually moved in with her and got a good job, she took that as an opportunity to get me to buy everything for us. Food, grocery, apartment maintenance, dates, gifts, I even paid for a trip to Mexico for us."
"Speaking of that trip, when I asked her to pay for parking for my car ($100), she was upset with me the entire trip. Whenever I was stressed about money, she got upset because it made her feel like I didn't love her. She eventually convinced me to change the way I was saving for the future."
5."I didn't divorce my husband because of his fiscal irresponsibility, but I should have. I split up our finances and such, and we limped along, but if I had it to do over again, I would have divorced him the day after we got married. I found out that he had been taking my money while he was unemployed and not paying the mortgage, and we were in foreclosure. Like, I literally found out the day after our wedding."
6."The number one thing married couples fight about is money. I cannot IMAGINE remaining married to my husband if we didn't agree on saving all our extra money, putting money into retirement and college funds every paycheck, never carrying credit card debt, and never ever spending more than we earn. It is too easy in today's economy to make a financial mistake that can cause you to have problems for YEARS. Poor credit can prevent you from buying a home or a car and can even keep you out of certain jobs now. I dated a man for six years, and this was the primary reason for our lack of compatibility. I would not be living the comfortable life I am now if I had stayed with him. I am very, very glad I left."
7."My (31F) BF (30M) broke up with me because I wouldn't give him $1,000. My BF is a type of artist. Over a year ago, I bought him some very expensive equipment. He was supposed to be moving in with me a few months ago but decided to move several states away for an important opportunity instead. Since moving out there, he has been blowing through around $2.5K/month with no real income."
"I know that things are expensive for him, but a good chunk of his money is also spent on cigarettes, alcohol, and weed. I know it's very stressful for him out there, but it drives me crazy how he's obviously not taking care of himself.
His savings are getting pretty low, and he's been asking me for 1K. I said he should come and stay with me and quit his addictions so he can go back when he's in a better place. I said if I gave him 1K now, what about in two weeks when that runs out? He got pissed at me and said it's easy for me to make 1K and that I'm being selfish about him and don't care.
He ended up blocking me and told me never to reach out to him once he becomes successful. Then I saw online that he was selling the equipment I bought him last year. It tugged at my heartstrings. I was hoping he would be motivated to get it together, but instead, he's selling the thing he really loves."
8."It was the breaking point for my ex in her previous relationship. She realized that his relying on her for all income was jeopardizing her future and what she wanted to do with her life."
9."I make double what my partner makes, and I have a Ph.D. He doesn't have the same in savings or retirement, no. But he is responsible with the money he has. My ex, on the other hand, was awful. And I felt like the struggle there only exacerbated my issues with him. Nothing was ever stable for me because he fucked our finances so hard."
"He dragged me down. And our family. Now, my partner makes less but never drags me down."
10."It became apparent that we want different things in life. She's more career-driven, enjoys the finer things in life, and is more than happy to grind away at work to achieve this (I have a lot of respect for that). I, on the other hand, care much more about the lifestyle I live outside of work (the mountain lifestyle), and I don't want to spend my life grinding out the hours when I could just be enjoying the outdoors. As long as I make enough to live the life I want to live that's all I need, the 'finer things' in life have never really done much for me."
"It became apparent to me she wanted someone more ambitious so she could live the lifestyle we wanted to live with a partner, but I knew that to give her that, I would have to give up my lifestyle."
11."I have a (just about) six-figure job and am also in school for my Ph.D. I have no debt, I own our shared car, and I have about 50K in savings. He makes just under half of what I make, is in an office job that he doesn't really like, doesn't challenge him, and has no career growth. He has no debt but NO savings. Like, AT ALL. I invest, and I have a pension fund that I contribute to every month. He has none of these things."
"I've put pressure on him to look for a better job, or have suggested he upgrade his schooling (he has a degree that he is not using, never has. Says he wants to but never has had a job related to it). He'll apply for one or two, not hear back, and forget about it until I nag again. I'm at my wit's end."
12."My ex was offered a job with a startup on the other side of the country throwing all kinds of perks at him, and he didn't hesitate. We planned to get married, buy a house together, have a baby…and poof. Because if this startup doesn't go under, as many of them do, he might get some money. He wasn't hurting for money. He was already doing pretty damn well for himself. He wasn't in debt. He could already buy himself whatever he wanted. It is absolutely wild to remember how he used to tell me that I was the most important person in the world to him and 'I'm never going anywhere.' And not even one moment of hesitation to ditch me to grab even more money. It makes me sick to my stomach."
13."I love my boyfriend a lot. But...he's so bad with money. I'm a student, and he promised I could live with him until I'm done studying, basically for free. But I've lived with him for three months, and for two of those months, he's been completely dependent on my savings, recklessly spending his own money. In total, I've lent him $2,000. Now, my savings have dried up, and I have no monthly income. I don't see getting the money back ever, which I'm not all sour over. It is what it is. BUT, now he has gotten the idea to get a bigger and nicer apartment closer to his job that costs 2/3 of his salary. And I can't move in with him there because it's too far away from my school. Also, I don't see how he will afford it."
"Now he asked if I could sell my Macbook Pro so that he has money to pay two months' rent upfront. I said no, definitely not; I need it for school. He got mad. Then he asked me to ask my parents for $3,000 and I said no, no way. You already owe me $2k. He also has $40,000 in credit card debt that he keeps ignoring... I feel like I'm being used. I'm a kind person and I am easily used because I can't say no. I have been considering breaking up and getting out of here."
14."My ex left me for a job. When I've tried to explain to people how I feel like my value is less than the dollar amount of his salary, they look at me like I'm crazy and don't seem to get it. But that's exactly how it feels. He isn't a materialistic guy; his high cost of living in the new city eats away most of his money, so it's not like he's saving anything, and if you break it out by the hour, he's probably making less than he was before. So it just doesn't make logical sense to me."
"Like he loved me, and I was special to him, and he claimed he was committed to me, but his new big check and all the perks that came with it were more important to him than I was. So now I'm like, 'Well, I'm worth less than $180k, I guess,' LOL. I understand we're young and need to focus on careers, but you can do that while with a partner. I even planned to move with him, but when it came to it, he didn't want me anymore. Completely tossed aside."
15."Recently, my boyfriend of four years told me he is afraid of commitment because of his long and bad marriage to his ex. He's been telling me since day one that he'll marry me and we'll grow old together (we were friends before we became an item). I believed him since I had no reason not to. He tells me every day I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and that he loves me very much. He even told my family we'll get married."
"Then he inherited a large sum of money, and now he says he changed his mind about getting married. His response is that he is sorry for lying to me for the past four years and that he misled me. He even said that once he inherits money, we'll get married and make our relationship official. Now he's backing out. I even told him I'd sign a prenup. He says it has nothing to do with money. I am so blown away by his decision overnight, and I'm devastated."
16."I met this guy online and we chatted for a little over a month, then we had a couple dates. He really is the most amazing, sweetest guy I've ever met. I haven't really dated much because it was hard to find someone that I felt comfortable being myself around, but he was. But I had to end things before it got too late, because it just would have never worked. It was too hard for me to go on dates without a car, and I felt too ashamed for him to pick me up because my place is so ugly, and it’s an almost two-hour drive between us."
17."My ex broke up with me because I didn't have enough money to go on vacations. He told me he wanted to save money for the future but he wanted to go somewhere pretty much every weekend."
18."I've been married for 14.5 years and together for 17. My husband is from another country, so when we were first together, we had an 'under the table' job. We then moved and started going through the very long and arduous process of getting a green card (and eventually citizenship), so I knew he wouldn't be working for a while. A while turned into 12 years. We don't have kids and he was not keeping house, cooking, cleaning or taking care of the animals, I got home from work and had to cook every night. Any time I brought up him getting a job, he made me feel like a monster. He only decided to get a job after my second VERY serious surgery."
"Fast forward... He's been working for four years, and his money is his money, and my money is our money. I do make a lot more than him, but it is because of the job he chose; there are MUCH higher-paying jobs in his field. We have a house that is solely in my name; I paid the down payment and every mortgage payment, and he has never once contributed. About five weeks ago, he told me he wants a divorce; he is miserable and doesn't love me and wants a divorce... but he doesn't want to LEAVE! He wants me to teach him how to cook and help him decide what he is going to do next.
Things were very amicable; we weren't even going to get attorneys, and he has a really nice chunk of change in the bank and owns his new car outright. I honestly thought we were going to fill out the financial disclosure waiver saying nothing was contested, and he takes what's his and goes his own way. Then last week, he tells me 17 years is worth something... I said what do you think this is, a game show where you get a parting gift if you don't win? He has now told me he wants half of everything: my house, my 401K, everything."
19."Our marriage hasn't been easy, and after our third anniversary, a clause in our prenup provides a financial lump sum for me in the event of a divorce. In the past three weeks, things had been going so well with us. My husband tried to get me to remove the clause, decrease the amount by 2/3, and finally push the date out a year. Our third anniversary is in three days. I felt strongly about adhering to the terms of the prenup (that was his idea)."
"So today he had me served with divorce papers…twice. The sheriff came, and later, another process server met me in my driveway and gave me the papers again. I guess he wanted to be sure I got served before the deadline.
I loved him. I'm so disappointed and angry. Being told you're just not worth the monetary risk hurts. I could have agreed to modify the prenup to keep our marriage going so that part is on me, but I didn't think it was fair to ask me to change it. We worked hard to reach that agreement with lawyers the right way so everything was equitable.
He always told me the worst part about having money is the idea you might lose it. I hope he and his money are happy together. Actually, I just hope he doesn't do this to anyone else."
20."Last weekend, my boyfriend dropped on me that he had over $320K of debt. We had spent the 4th of July together, and we talked about our leases ending, moving in together, and getting engaged. I knew he had student loan debts (he did disclose this within the first few months of dating but did not say how much)."
"I started noticing little things… his credit cards being declined at dinner, not being able to hold a hotel room when we went to visit his sister, saying it was something with his credit card… 800 numbers always calling him day or night. I started noticing he would also do other things like invite my parents out to dinner but then let them pick up the tab and not even offer to pay… his rent checks were bouncing. I thought he was just going through a rough time budgeting or something.
I suggested we eat out less, that he does not buy me things, and that we do inexpensive things. I would feel so guilty I would pick up the tab, and he would freely let me do this all the time. I tried so many times to talk to him about what his goals were in life and how to achieve them and hinted if he needed any help, I would be more than happy to help him (especially once he got his new job and had increased income), and he said that he had it figured out. I drew a line in the sand and said that if we were considering going forward in our relationship that talking about finances was a non-negotiable.
Last weekend, he told me just how much debt he was in, and my heart sunk out of my chest. I literally got sick (I threw up after I saw him) thinking about it. I asked how he planned on paying it off, and he said we'll both work and stated that he believed as a partner, you help each other through thick and thin and all this other crap I just couldn't hear because I was still in shock from what he told me."
If you've ever had a relationship end over anything money-related, let us know in the comments or by filling out this anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
