"That's A Big Red Flag For Me": 17 Stories From People Who Thought They Were Going To Marry Their Significant Other But They Broke Up Instead
Oftentimes, you could be in a relationship with someone, thinking they'll be your future spouse. Suddenly, one day, a lightbulb goes off that helps you see the person or the relationship for what it is, causing you to break up. A recent Reddit thread asked people, "What moment made you realize your girlfriend/boyfriend would never be your wife/husband?" and the responses are eye-opening. Here is what some people shared:
1."When we finally got into deep talks about how we viewed our futures, I realized our goals didn’t align."
2."He couldn't handle any serious conversation. He'd joke around or change the subject whenever I brought up the future. It made me realize he wasn't in it for the long haul."
3."She lied badly about money and how much debt she was in. Her best friend showed me a text she had sent, basically saying all I need is to get him to marry me, and he’ll be stuck with my debts, too."
4."When we were looking for places to rent or buy for a home, she refused to compromise on where we'd be living. It's a long story, but her reasoning at that moment told me all I needed to know about where I was placed as important in her mind."
5."When she asked her friend to flirt with me to test me."
6."When they openly admitted they didn’t believe in compromise or teamwork in relationships. That’s a big red flag for me."
7."She told me I was being selfish for wanting to go to the gym and work out. And no, it wasn't because of anything specific on a particular day that was more pressing at that moment. It was just, in general, wanting to do something for my own health instead of giving every second of my free time to her, which was 'selfish.'"
8."He would prioritize other people before me. He would say the right things and knew how to apologize, but his actions didn’t reflect his words. He hid some of his habits from me…He was not financially responsible. Our sex life was bad. I was not making him happy, either."
9."He wanted a stay-at-home wife, but without protection in case we split. I will not lose my financial independence for anyone. Too many horror stories. He married, and his wife got screwed years later."
10."The day my boyfriend decided to quit his job because I made enough money to support both of us. Yeah I make enough to support us, but l am not going to support another grown adult. We were a gay couple, for reference."
11."I realized we had completely different life goals — he wanted to travel the world nonstop, and I was more about settling down in one place."
12."We had vastly different ideas of how our lives would turn out, specifically how she thought mine would turn out. I'm very career-oriented and want to grow my career. She wanted me to quit my job so that I would make less money than her because she didn't think it was fair that my industry paid more than hers."
"I never talked down about her job or anything; it was an insecurity of hers about the gap in earnings, but I was always super supportive and listened while she vented, but the conversation of me quitting my job and finding something completely different that doesn't pay well so that she could be the high earner in our relationship didn't sit well with me. When we talk about our future, she would say, 'We will never get married if you stay at that job; it's a deal breaker for me.' So then I said, 'Why are we dating then?' She couldn't answer that, so we broke up."
13."When he randomly said to me one day, 'You have to win me over again.' I decided not to try."
14."When we'd agree to put an argument to rest under the assumption it had been resolved, but then days/weeks later, he would bring it up again out of nowhere or bring it up as ammo in a new argument we were having. Long story short, I was always the enemy, and anything I said in my defense was seen as a lie or used against me, and a wife is not an enemy."
15."I held on for a long time with someone who I knew I wouldn't end up with. Religious and philosophical differences. Grew up very differently and we clashed too much. Even though we trusted each other and cared for one another it’s hard to imagine building a life with someone you find yourself constantly irritated by how they think and the choices they make."
16."I paid for us to go away on holiday for her birthday. Travel, accommodation, most food, and all planned activities were covered, and I got her an expensive gift on top. She paid for one activity that I hadn't planned for and was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Towards the end of the holiday I was running out of money, I asked if she would mind if we paid for ourselves for this last activity, I didn't expect her to pay for me. She flatly refused because she'd paid for the impromptu activity. There was no discussion, no query, just a flat no. I couldn't help but see her differently after that. I realized that our future would reflect this reality of me paying for most of our relationship despite her earning more than I did. We didn't last more than another year after that."
17.And finally, "We were looking at rings. He straight up told me he didn’t like any of the ones I did because 'They’re not gold, and my wife needs to have a gold ring because I’m going to always put her first.' But you didn’t want to put my preferences first on a piece of jewelry I’d be wearing every day?? There were so many other red flags, but that was just the one that slapped me awake."
Do you have a similar story to share? If so, share it with me in the comments below!
