Poor People Who Dated The Rich Are Sharing The Shocking Culture Shocks They Experienced, And I'm In Awe Of The Way Rich People Live
Recently, Reddit user OffStockMan asked, "Poor people here who have dated rich people, what did you learn? How was the contrast?" As someone whose ultimate goal is to marry rich (kidding...or am I?), I was super interested in the responses. Here are the things people realized after dating the ultra-rich.
1."The Family was an entity in itself and had rules. Relationships are EVERYTHING. The Family itself is a thing — the club, the parties, the vacations, the homes, the cars, the business — it's all about The Family. The patriarch, the traditions. The schools. The business partners, the neighborhood, and the club. It's not a bad thing; it's just different. I was raised to be independent and get the fuck out of my parents' house. They stick together like GLUE. Everyone has a role to play, but they have security, and they belong.
"I never belonged anywhere. I was raised by people who had kids because that's what you were supposed to do, and then I got the fuck out of their house when I turned 18, and that was that."
2."I have dated two multimillionaires; both were wild experiences (especially since I was poor AF). I was what they would call a stay-at-home girlfriend; I lived with them, I traveled with them, I kept the house, and I was a beautiful, confident, intelligent woman on their arm. I wowed their colleagues and friends with my dazzling personality; I could talk to anyone about everything. No, I wasn't a sex worker."
"The first was a young millionaire who developed some computer thing. I was 21, he was 23. It was one of the best times of my life; we traveled all the time; we (lol, 'we') had a place on the beach; I had a black card and went shopping all the time.
The second was a millionaire off investments from his family. I was 24; he was 41. He took me out all the time, to all his 'work' functions and out with his friends. We didn't travel as much but went out a lot.
In both cases, they were surrounded by hangers-on. Everyone laughed at all their 'jokes', they always had a 'friend' nearby, and people would drop everything at their whim. I would bet money that if they told someone around them to lick their asshole, it would have been done promptly.
As their girlfriend, they expected me to be 'on' at all times. I couldn't have a bad day around them. I learned really quickly that my role was to compliment them (as in to make them look better), not outshine them. I was to make their friends and colleagues/employees jealous by being beautiful and conversational. My boyfriends would often accomplish this by making a show of their affection. I was basically a doll.
I don't want to get into the bedroom/intimate aspect, but let's just say rich people get into some kinky shit.
But I always knew that it was never a level playing field. I could never be great because they were great. It was a lot of pressure to be this perfect person; it was easy to fake for a long time (I almost married one of them), but ultimately, I needed to be more important than I was, and I left both (one after almost three years, one after almost two). I was replaced almost immediately both times."
3."I dated a very rich girl who had even richer friends. They really had no life skills because everything that was even slightly labor intensive was done by her staff. She didn't know how to make eggs, she didn't know how to do laundry, she had never gone grocery shopping, she had never used a vacuum, she didn't know how to do the dishes, etc. She was completely blown away when she would visit my house and see the sheer amount of labor that went into maintaining a family household. Groceries, cleaning, cooking, laundry, walking dogs, taking the bus, etc."
"I did appreciate that she was very unabashedly aware that she was pampered and sheltered. At no point did she try to downplay it or act like she was something she wasn't. But I don't think she truly felt bad about it until she visited my house."
4."I grew up very poor and blue-collar. The men I knew fixed cars, re-roofed their own houses, knew plumbing and electrical stuff, etc. My husband grew up very wealthy. His family had a massive house, a pool, a vacation home in Spain, and maids. Honestly, the contrast was stark. The first thing he did after we moved in together was put liquid dish soap in the dishwasher. He didn't know anything. He didn't know the vacuum needed to be emptied. It could have been a deal breaker, but he fully embraced his ignorance and learned. It was a whole new world, and he loved it. One of my favorite memories is of putting up our first Christmas tree. He'd never been part of that and got so much joy from it."
5."I was in my twenties, saving up for college when one of my good friends set me up with someone. We ended up dating for almost a year. She was ridiculous levels of rich — I'm not sure how much, but we visited her family twice, and each house (yep, different ones) was a movie-type massive mansion with like 10 bedrooms, butlers, security gates, exotic cars, bowling rooms, the works. Her father was some oil mogul and had his marriage arranged by his parents. Her mother was Indian, and if I recall, her parents had some ties to some Indian state council of ministers."
"The contrast was pretty intense. Our schedules were just widely different. At the time, I worked two jobs, tried to prep for school by studying, had bills to pay, etc. She didn't work and wanted to spend a lot of time together, but she would then get frustrated with me having to work. She would constantly wonder why I was doing this, suggesting I didn't need to work or go to school. It was like she never understood why I wanted to be educated. ... As one might expect, the different lifestyles were just not compatible, and after a rough Thanksgiving, I broke it off.
It ended up good because after dating her, my friend who set her up with me confessed her feelings for me, and we ended up getting together. We've been together for almost 16 years now."
6."I had a girlfriend in high school. We dated until my sophomore year of college. What baffled me wasn't her disregard for the cost of things but the fact that she couldn't understand why I couldn't just pick up and take her out for nice dinners or buy her $400 Louis Vuitton sneakers she wanted for Christmas, especially since she was willing to buy me $250 Jordan's (I declined). She was such a sweet girl but had no concept of other people coming from poor families. No idea how I had no money despite being 16, 17, and not having a job. When I got my first minimum wage job at 18, I spent pretty much everything I had on her for several years. She also took me out and bought me nice gifts but never had a job."
"She had a $300/week allowance from her dad, but would ask him for money whenever she wanted anything, so she wouldn't spend her own allowance on anything. She had about $9k in her bank account by the time we were 18. And I had $200 in my name most of the time, LOL. Very nice girl. Gorgeous. She was very good to me. But I eventually lost interest for reasons that had nothing to do with money."
7.Relatedly..."My best friend married into a family like this.The weird thing to me is how everything is shared. They share cars, homes, planes, boats, etc. Everything is 'the family's.' ... You might randomly notice one of the cars in your garage is gone because someone else stopped by and borrowed it."
She has a massive house and it's used as the party house for the rest of the family. So, like, if someone is throwing a bachelorette party, a company Christmas party, or anything else, it's always held at their house.
Same thing with jewelry like watches; it's not uncommon at all just to stop by someone's house and take something from it."
8."I was a poor kid who got into construction and started earning a decent wage. I dated a classical musician for almost two years. At that time, her instrument alone was valued at double what I made in a year. I met her after she just came back from Europe. She lived there for five years, studying at a conservatory. She...just didn't get it. If I made some extra money from a side job, she wanted us to go on a trip. I wanted to cook a fine meal, she wanted to go to a fine restaurant. I tried to get her to understand. I really wanted it to work because I loved her, and it was the first relationship in which I felt like almost everything clicked."
"She broke up with me on Christmas day a few years ago. Her reason was that she was living her passion, and she couldn't be with someone who wasn't living theirs. Never mind that she wouldn't be able to do that without her family's money. I had told her about my dreams and plans before, but she deemed them unworthy.
One piece of solace I got was that her father called me after the breakup. He basically told me he thought his daughter was an idiot. Looking back, I miss her family more than her now. They are good people, and somehow, they seemed more down to earth than her. But after that relationship, I decided I would never date someone in the multimillion-dollar tax bracket again. I need someone who knows what it's like to starve or to be behind on rent — someone who has had some real-world struggles."
9."He invited me to things casually like you'd invite people for a cup of coffee — things that would take lots of planning and saving on my part. Like, 'Hey, I have to go to Vienna for work, wanna come?' And his hobbies were things like flying his own plane, while mine were free, like running and reading."
10."My partner was born to a wealthy family — they have generational subdued wealth. They take international trips a few times a year, have a live-in housekeeper, and went to the best schools. ... They were a good person, and gave back with volunteering and donations. However, they could not relate to debt, fears of homelessness, or money anxiety."
"The biggest contrast between us was that they were never afraid to try new things or make 'mistakes.' Took a job that didn't work out? That's ok — family will keep you afloat until you find something else. Broke a leg overseas because you took a skiing risk in Italy? No worries — we'll charter something or find a way to get you out. I don't have that kind of freedom."
11."I dated a generational wealthy dude in the past. I bankrolled us for the first two years of dating — going out, eating, groceries, gifts for him — everything was paid for by my salary, which was 100 times lower than his. He didn't want to be called a 'gold digger' because that's what people around him assumed. ... He appreciated me initially, but I realized the massive advantage he had over me was always looming over my head. Like he was doing me a favor, or I was a pity case, etc. Everything became extremely toxic. He started to use my 'financial independence' against me. He wouldn't pay for anything, and if I asked him for his share, I was after his money. Or I was 'proving people right by not paying for him.' It. Was. A. Bad. Relationship.
"We broke up after a lot of drama. And when I left, it was because 'I was after his money,' and when he didn't provide, 'I dumped him,' according to his friends."
12."I dated a guy whose sister is a Russian pop star and whose dad is a Russian politician. He asked me to pick him up because his car was being delivered from overseas. ... Sure enough, the next day, he picked me up in his brand-new BMW 750i. I lost my purse at a club, and he had the whole place turn the lights on and find it. He took me to dinner every night and never let me pay for anything. He didn't go home for Christmas, and I was too embarrassed by where I came from to ask him to come home and meet mine. That was a wild time."
13."I've done it twice, once as an undergrad and once in vet school. With the woman in undergrad, it kind of felt like she was dating me for the experience. Like, she'd never been to an Aldi before and kind of went overboard on the Aldi finds, and was very confused that I went to both Aldi and Meijers for my groceries. Her dad absolutely hated me because I wanted to be a vet instead of a 'real doctor' like him. She always asked weird questions about growing up not rich, and I'm pretty sure she thought my childhood was like the movie 8 Mile. I grew up in a suburb of Detroit, but very much not 8 Mile. ... The girl in vet school was determined to Pretty Woman me."
"Or I guess more like the episode of The Simpsons where Lisa tries to make Willie a gentleman. Like, she insisted I come to Whole Foods with her. She had a polo pony and wanted me to learn about polo and ride horses and stuff (btw, horses really don't like me). She'd done a lot of study abroad and seemed almost offended I'd gotten into the program without it. She would buy fine wines and cheese and then want to see how I reacted to them and seemed surprised when I knew stuff from the museum. It was nice at first to get a bit spoiled, but it got weird. She also had no concept of what was expensive for the rest of us, so she would always want to do really fancy nights out at high-end clubs after exams, and the rest of us would be like, 'Um, it's $2 beer night at the campus bar so we're going there.'"
14."One of my friends ... grew up lower middle class. When she was in college (early '90s), she dated a guy who, it turned out, was from a very high-end wealthy family. She didn't know this at first; this is how she found out. Let's call him Nate. There was some function they went to where they dressed very nice — like a formal ball or something the college had put on. Afterward, Nate asked her, 'Do you want to come back to my place?' Now, she knew Nate was a member of a fraternity and lived off campus, so she wasn't really thrilled about it. But Nate assured her that he wasn't taking her to a frat house but his own 'small apartment.' She asked if he lived with anyone else, and he said, 'No, I live alone. My parents technically own it, but they don't live there.' So she agreed."
"He drove her to a small driveway near fraternity row, but this part of town had some high-end, old-money buildings. ... She assumed that they were in front of a small block of apartments. Nope. A single home.
When they came through the door, a butler asked to take her coat and asked her to remove her shoes. She was shocked but a bit embarrassed because she had a worn set of flats that were scuffed and a huge hole in her white leggings by the toe. Nate asked, 'Don't worry about that. You want a late-night snack?' She agreed. They went into a small dining room, and very quickly, the bulter and a second person, a maid of sorts, brought in a few stacked trays of canapes, some sweet buns, and tea from a silver tray. Not a lot of food, but very much gourmet food. While she snacked on these random sweet things, the butler and maid stood along the wall, staring off at nothing.
'I thought you said you lived alone?' she whispered.
'I do.'
'Then who are they?'
'Who?'
'Those two?'
'What? The help? Oh, they don't count. They came with the apartment.'
That was the first red flag, but she decided to push on through. She ended up going upstairs with him to his bedroom, which was the entire third floor. They made love, and exhausted, they fell asleep. When she woke up in the morning, she was alone. She noticed that a basket of toiletries had been left on a chair, with instructions on how to use the shower. The basket had all she needed: nice soap, brand-name toothpaste, a brush, and other stuff like that. She showered, and when she looked for her clothes (which they had tossed on the floor the night before), she saw all her clothing was neatly folded and could smell they had been dry-cleaned. Her hosiery had been mended.
She got dressed and went downstairs to see Nate reading at the dining room table. The 'help' made her breakfast, anything she wanted. She asked Nate, 'My clothes were cleaned. Did that mean the butler was in our bedroom while we were asleep? Like, naked?' Nate seemed unconcerned like he had never considered that. 'I guess?'
When she left, she found her shoes had been repaired and her jacket also dry cleaned.
She stopped dating the guy, and part of the reason was how flippant he was about the 'help.' He didn't even consider them people. It rubbed her the wrong way. A lot of her friends said she was nuts, but others said, 'No. I get it. Real psychopath vibes.'"
15."I'm about to get married to one. For reference, her parents just spent $400,000 cash renovating their 'porch.' My parents live in a second-hand mobile home. There is a HUGE difference. ... When we first started dating, she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I said some new clothes would be nice since mine had holes in them and were old. She said, 'Well, I'm gonna buy those for you anyways. That's not a gift; I mean a real gift.' She spent thousands giving me new clothes in the first six months."
"Some expensive, some just regular everyday stuff from Old Navy. But she literally bought me an entirely new wardrobe. Then gave me a 'small' 500-dollar gift for Christmas, and her parents bought me an 800-dollar gift. Not to mention the fact that she gave me a pair of Beats and a practically new iPhone because she 'didn't use them anyway.'
This was obviously mind-blowing to me. I bought her a $150 gift, but she was thrilled with it because it was thoughtful (a nice lighted jewelry cabinet instead of her keeping all her jewelry in various small wooden boxes, all unorganized).
I will say that for our wedding, she about had a meltdown when she found out our budget was 'only' $50,000 (not including the welcome party, the wedding planner, or the honeymoon, which is probably an additional $15k). It only lasted for one day before she accepted it and moved on, leaving any animosity behind, which I was really proud of her for.
Overall, she or her family never judged me or mine, probably because they haven't always had money. The biggest difference I noticed is that her family bargains for EVERYTHING. They do trade deals with other companies, call in favors, negotiate everything, wait until stuff is on sale, buy quality buy-it-for-life stuff, etc. It's probably what made her dad such a successful businessperson and lets them stay rich."
16."I was the revenge on her dad. She brought my punk rock ass to Christmas in Palm Springs. We fucked in the hot tub so loud I thought we'd get arrested. The next morning, I was shocked to find a present under the tree from her mom and dad. I was initially shamed and embarrassed. Then I opened it. It was a biography of Ronald Reagan. Then, on the flight home, inside the book was an envelope with $1000 cash. Touché, man."
17."Gifts all the time. Like, hey, it's Wednesday. Here is a box of chocolates. Here is a 300-dollar watch for no reason. Also, we were never really dating; I was just allowed to be there for a few years??? I wasn't allowed to talk or speak directly to the parents she lived around, so I would just shut down like some robot, and her parents wouldn't even notice me, and that was perfectly acceptable."
"I was forbidden to ever leave her side of the estate (multi-house complex). She resided in a two-story building with her bedroom decked out with elaborate stuffed animals on the bed and velvet on almost everything — the kitchen, patio, garden area with stained glass windows, the two-car garage (she never drove), three bathrooms, and a few other rooms we never went into. ...
She was super vicious when she was mad (often) and would break things (expensive things) and throw tantrums. Things could only have ended badly if young me had stuck it out. A few years later, her parents sent me an invitation in the mail to an expensive golf party/wedding/cruise/soiree. I truly don't think her parents even know I existed, so it was her trying to make me feel sad. Anyway, not even a year after that, I learned she murdered her husband while he slept (he dated her before I did and then married her after me, btw). So she's in prison now for murder."
18."She's an heir to a gigantic, publicly traded company. She never makes big purchases with her own money. Think houses, new cars, work vehicles for her ranch, massive renovation projects, etc. She borrows money against her portfolio for everything. The interest rate she pays on the loan is SIGNIFICANTLY less than the returns on her stocks."
"She either eventually pays off the loan with her income from her job, or if it's an appreciating asset, she either sells the asset for a huge and usually tax-free profit then pays the loan off or borrows against the asset since it's technically paid in full to buy more assets. Rinse and repeat forever."
19."This is exactly why I had to break up with my multimillionaire ex-boyfriend. We went on a trip to China to visit his family (where all his money came from), had an argument, and he said, 'Find your own way home then' when I wanted to leave. As if I could pay the thousands of dollars for the ticket without going into debt or navigate to the airport by myself in a foreign language with no Internet access."
"I always felt the difference in the power dynamic, as much as we both tried to act like it didn't exist. I tried to only eat at places in my price range and not let him buy me expensive things or go on trips that I wouldn't be able to leave on my own.
Even though I do a fair amount of budget traveling myself, he always wanted to travel to places that were out of my price range and where they spoke the languages he knew but I didn't, which added a huge amount of insecurity to my everyday life. Super expensive dinners had me on edge, even when he always paid for those. I never knew if he would get mad and stick me with the tab, and not having the ability to pay for myself put me in a very vulnerable position.
It's the little comments about how I should buy him clothes since he buys me clothes (mostly dresses and heels I don't want to wear anyway), how I should pick up the tab every once in a while since he 'always' pays. (His meals are usually over $100; I'm a vegetarian who doesn't order alcoholic drinks or appetizers when I rarely eat out). When I buy ice cream, coffee, movie tickets, or anything expensive, it isn't meaningful to him because money doesn't mean anything to him.
He never understood how it felt for a fancy dinner to cost over a week of my pay and why I felt guilty when we stayed in a resort that costs $1,000 a night.
When I told him I felt like he was controlling, he was absolutely shocked by the accusation. He didn't see it as controlling when I couldn't have any say in the way we decorated our home because he was the one who paid for it, other than little things he'd let me pick. He could fill the extra bedrooms with his hobbies and custom make the main closet for his needs and my high heels without allowing me any input. He made me a lovely high heel display in the new closet, for all of the expensive heels I could barely walk in and pressured me into wearing them often, because he did so much for me I felt obligated.
Overall, the relationship left me feeling drained and unsafe, and I feel so much better being single and independent and capable of taking care of myself."
20."I did it once — never again. I had no idea she was wealthy until I was invited to her parents' house. It was a waterfront property worth millions of dollars (this was over 10 years ago), with six nice vehicles in the driveway, a huge saltwater pool in the backyard...the whole bit. She was so out of touch with reality and what things cost. Basically, she was terminally online and just smoked weed all day. Her dad bought every kid their own car, and I helped her get her first job (I knew the owner). Embarrassingly enough, she was fired within a week for being pretty much useless. It soured my relationship with the owner and was probably the last time I try to recommend anyone for a job without knowing them better. She also flunked out of three college/university programs before finally passing one, while her dad funded all those wasted years."
"The final straw for me was one Christmas when I could tell she was disappointed because of the value of the gift I bought her. It was all I could afford at the time, just shy of $200, which was significant for me making around $7 an hour."
21."I grew up upper middle class (two leftie 'help people out' lawyers for parents), so not poor by any means, but I was engaged to a woman whose father was a partner at one of the US' top five law firms; his retirement income is more than my parents' combined working incomes. I learned that they used money to attempt to solve all of their problems in life, especially interpersonal ones. I learned that even at that level of wealth, Americans still teach their kids, 'We're poor.' I learned that the social pressures that all of those people live with are fucking nuts, and as a result, they and their social circles are infinitely more competitive and judgemental of each other than anyone I grew up around. She was spoiled af, having grown up watching her mom scream at her dad any time she was upset and then seeing her dad spending money on her mom to placate her; she expected that in our relationship."
"I, as a broke grad student, obviously could not provide that, nor would I have wanted to even if I could have."
22."I dated a guy who grew up RICH and was funded by his parents until his mom died and dad cut the tap off. So he had no money but was extremely pompous and came across like he had money. Also, he and his sisters and brother were CONTROLLED by their narcissistic father because they were terrified he'd cut them out of the will. They all secretly couldn't stand him but constantly kissed his butt and did whatever he wanted, no matter how grumpy or twisted he was. They couldn't wait until he died."
23."My ex and current gf both come from very wealthy families. I learned that they often fail to understand just how good they have it. That small things I'd find pretty insignificant could really upset them. Like a train being late or the weather being cold, etc. I find it hard to relate to them sometimes and find it hard to accept certain things they say. Like how they insist they don't have much money because they're currently unemployed, but they have more money in their savings/trust fund than I've ever had in my entire life."
"Their knowledge of food is vast! They often prefer expensive ingredients because those are what their parents bought for them growing up, whereas I'd happily eat sausages out of a can.
But crucially, wealth doesn't make you an asshole; upbringing and the friends they hang out with are way more important factors."
24."I come from a lower middle-class background, so I'm not exactly super poor, but we definitely couldn't afford most things that others could. I went on a date with a billionaire's daughter once, and it was pretty jarring. I had two tickets to a concert and had booked a hotel room in the city to stay the night (I lived about an hour out of the city at the time). I matched with her on Tinder and took her. At first, it was fine; we met at a bar beforehand, and I learned quickly she was pretty rich. She wasn't shy about flaunting her money. I ended up bringing her to my hotel room that night, and she couldn't believe that hotel rooms were just rooms. Apparently, she'd never stayed at a hotel room that wasn't a president's suite or something of that kind."
"She was genuinely asking where the rest of the room was (kitchen, living area, etc.). I had to explain to her that hotel rooms were literally just a room for the most part. Then, the next day, I took her to the breakfast buffet that was included, and she couldn't believe that either. She'd never eaten at a buffet.
We ended up spending most of the next day together, and she seemed really into me. She wanted to see me again the day after; I told her I couldn't because I was employed (she was unemployed, obviously) and needed to go to work. She told me to quit and hang with her for a while. I told her I had rent to pay, and she didn't understand that either. She tried really hard to convince me that I didn't need a job because my dad should pay for my lifestyle. Then she tried to convince me to fly with her on her private jet to go to Coachella at a moment's notice. Again, I declined because I couldn't just take time off to do that. She said that my job and career didn't matter and that as long as I was dating her, she'd take care of things for me. She just wanted me to up and quit my job to hang with her. She genuinely got angry with me that I was prioritizing my career over having fun with her. I guess I learned that rich people don't really care about your life as much as theirs and genuinely expect you to live your life how it's most convenient for them."
25."Her dad paid for a brand new car in cash (Chevy Equinox), paid for her college in full, paid her rent in full, and covered all living expenses while I knew her. I, on the other hand, paid for everything I own and the education I have myself. She couldn't estimate the cost of anything. I remember when I asked her, 'How much do you think I make a week?' and she said, '$20,000.'"
26."My wife's parents were loaded. She went to a posh private school, etc. I learned a lot about how many resources fancy schools have compared to the state ones. The most hilarious example I remember was that for my final 'Design and Technology' project, I built a clock, which was basically some bits of MDF with a couple of quid clock mechanisms attached. My wife built a fucking hovercraft. Like, one she could race around a field."
"The biggest impact on her now is that she struggles a bit with budgeting and saving. Because it wasn't really a thing while she was growing up — if she wanted something, she could just have it."
27."I dated a very wealthy older woman who grew up with and inherited millions. She bought me so many nice things and paid for my gym membership and all of our activities. We'd hang out in her sauna and have wild sex in her massive bedroom. Too bad she got extremely possessive and controlling, freaking out if I glanced at other women or didn't reply instantly to texts."
28."We were both 20, and although she wasn't rich on her own, her family certainly was. We had been together for quite some time before I actually went to visit their home. It was massive, and they had so many nice things that caught me off guard. To be honest, it was one of the things that semi-ruined our relationship. I'd hear her complain about money and things she couldn't get, and then she'd say, 'I'm just gonna ask my dad.' Meanwhile, I was struggling to pay rent while doing manual labor for 12 hours a day. I dunno if it was just me, but I wish there would've been some sort of warning about their status. Showing up to their house blind like that was a little too much."
29.And finally..."My first love was from a super rich family. She's a very kind, sweet, and thoughtful person. She was never a jerk to anyone. She's very humble, polite, and definitely respectful. ... She never really flaunted her wealth, but one time during her family's business party, I think it was Christmas or New Year, Michael Bublé performed for them."
Have you ever dated someone super rich? What was it like? Let us know in the comments below or via this anonymous form, and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post!
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