I Really Hate My Short Haircut. What Can I Do?
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Hair appointment day can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’re taking a first-time leap into short-cut territory. From bobs to pixies to shags, cropped hairstyles are super trendy at the moment, which has given plenty of people the nudge to make a change. But what happens if you get the big chop and big hate it?
At first, it may feel like the end of the world, and that’s valid—hair is a huge part of identity for many of us. "It’s one of the first things people notice,” Jenny Mahlum, EdM, LMSW, an integrative psychotherapist at New York Counseling, tells SELF. “In a society that places a heavy emphasis on appearance, dissatisfaction with our looks—especially our hair—can significantly impact body image, which, in turn, affects mental health and overall well-being.”
With that being said, your hair isn’t, in fact, who you are. And as devastating as a “bad” short cut may feel initially, there are practical ways to start feeling much better about it. What’s more, navigating your emotional reaction to the change might even teach you a few important things about yourself. Here, experts share their best advice for sailing rough new hair waters.
Give it time—and make an affirmation list.
The initial shock of a dramatic hair transformation can be a lot to process, so, before you land on a concrete opinion about your new look, give yourself a few days, maybe even a week, to get used to it. Research suggests that our neural pathways (connections between neurons that transport messages from one part of the brain to another) need time to adjust and adapt when we experience a major change in appearance, Mary Poffenroth, PhD, a biopsychologist at San Jose State University and the author of A Brave New You, tells SELF. “It takes the brain's mirror neurons, which aid in self-recognition, up to 21 days to fully adapt to a new visual stimulus,” Dr. Poffenroth says—and sometimes, it can take even longer.
As new neural pathways are created to help you acknowledge and accept the change, your amygdala (a.k.a. your brain’s emotional processing center) gradually realizes that it’s not a threat and, therefore, silences (or at least muffles) the stress alarm that signaled you to lament it in the first place, she explains. So after a few mornings of pondering the cut while brushing your teeth in front of the bathroom mirror, you won’t experience the same gut punch of a jump scare you did after the big reveal.
That doesn’t mean waiting it out is easy, though, or that you’ll necessarily love your cropped cut in a week, which is why it can also help to write down a few things you like about yourself that are unrelated to your appearance, Mahlum says. Maybe you love your sense of style or can make a mean home-cooked meal.
Once you have your little self-affirmation list, you can refer back to it when you start to spiral about your hair—as a reminder that your looks don’t define you, your abilities, or your self-worth. And to sum up those affirmations, you can also create a mantra that resonates, like: “I am more than one haircut,” and repeat it to yourself when needed, Mahlum recommends.
Avoid mirrors—and think about how you would comfort a friend in the same situation.
This isn’t surprising, but if you’re reading this article, you need to hear it: Spending hours in front of a mirror and obsessing over every detail of your new do will only make you feel worse, Mahlum says. “Instead, focus your attention on activities that make you feel happy and confident,” she suggests. Physically doing things that lift your spirits—maybe crafting, cooking, or hanging with a friend—can take your mind off of your hair and (similar to self-affirmations) help you separate your value from your appearance. It may sound deep for rebounding from a bob, but sometimes it’s necessary.
And if redirecting your focus feels too difficult, which is understandable, try to at least channel a little self-kindness by considering how you’d console a friend in your situation. “Would you judge them or stop being their friend over a haircut?” Mahlum asks. “Remember, the people who truly matter in your life won’t change how they feel about you because of your hair.” That simple truth can really put your insecurity into perspective.
Prepare a response to potential comments about your new cut.
If you made a drastic change to your look, people in your life are going to point it out. Mahlum recommends preparing for these comments by mentally scripting a brief response—one that’ll quickly shut the conversation down so you can carry on with your day without regressing into self-loathing. For example, “if someone says, ‘You changed your hair!,’ you can keep it light by simply and confidently replying, ‘I did!,’” and then change the subject, she suggests.
If they prod for your feelings on it, know that you don’t owe them an answer, and if you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to—in this uncomfortable time of transition, you are allowed to protect your peace with boundaries. “If they ask what you think, a simple: ‘I’m still getting used to it’ works well,” Mahlum say. “It's helpful to have a few trusted people you can vent to, but try to avoid sharing how you really feel in response to casual comments.” After all, unloading your insecurities on a casual connection is rarely fulfilling, and it may also make them feel compelled to offer unsolicited opinions or advice.
Experiment with your new style.
Most of us have had the desire to temporarily “try on” different hairstyles, just out of curiosity. If you’re not super into your current one, what better time to grab the hair gel and hot tools and play around with it? There’s nothing to lose, really—you’re unlikely to dislike it more than you do already. And if you hate it, it will all come out in the wash (shower). “You can change up your parting, or try adding some texture with a product like a sea salt spray, for example,” Jennifer Korab, celebrity hairstylist and the founder of Renaissance Salon & Spa in Hillsborough, New Jersey, tells SELF. “Sometimes, a new haircut requires a slight shift in your styling routine, like new products or techniques, to bring out the best shape.”
If you feel unsure about how to work with your new hair, Korab suggests reaching out to your stylist. “We are here to provide tips, make adjustments, or offer quick fixes to ensure you love your look,” she adds—or at least like it enough that it doesn’t trigger a meltdown.
Ultimately, if the new cut doesn’t earn your approval and you opt to wait out the regrowth phase, there are ways to happily get through it—namely, by taking good care of your hair, which’ll keep it looking its best and can boost your self-esteem. (Who doesn’t feel like a million bucks after an everything shower?)
Korab recommends using a deep conditioning treatment weekly “to keep your hair hydrated, shiny, and more manageable while it grows.” In turn, it will be easier to style as it takes new shapes. Until then, if it’s too short to put into an en-vogue slicked-back bun or pony, you can have fun with accessories “like hats, scarves, or clips,” she points out.
If you’re here in search of a reprieve mid-haircut spiral, just try to remember this: The change is temporary. Your hair doesn’t make you who you are, it will grow back, and if you wait it out and make a little effort to lean into it, you’ll probably feel better long before your length returns.
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Originally Appeared on SELF
