If the secret to living forever is a boring life, is it really worth it?

Fish and chips on a Friday and regular walks – that’s the secret to a long life, according to John Tinniswood, the new holder of the title “world’s oldest man”. The 111-year-old great-grandfather from Merseyside inherited the accolade after the previous incumbent, a Venezuelan named Juan Vicente Perez, died at the age of 114.

“Exercising the mind” and “moderation” were also on his checklist of longevity hacks, along with “never over-taxing your system” and getting along with others. “We are all different people,” he told the BBC. “It is up to us to make that difference work, otherwise everything fails.”

Perez, meanwhile, had attributed his impressive vintage to “working hard, resting on holidays, going to bed early… loving God” and – my personal favourite – drinking a glass of strong liquor every day. Whenever one of the “world’s oldest” cohort are interviewed, in fact, their “secrets” to challenging mortality always seem rooted in some gentle combination of moderation and eating or drinking their favourite things on a regular basis.

Californian-born Maria Branyas Morera, who, at 117, has been the oldest living person since January 2023, has rightfully cited “luck and good genetics”, but she also gave a shout-out to “order, tranquillity, good connection with family and friends, contact with nature, emotional stability, no worries, no regrets, lots of positivity, and staying away from toxic people”.

There’s a beautiful simplicity to all this that seems completely at odds with the increasingly popular practice of spending unthinkable amounts of money in a vain attempt to physically roll back the years. On the cosmetic side of the equation, we have all manner of Botox, fillers and surgeries deployed so that people of pension age can make-believe they’re still in the first flush of youth. On the “science” side, you have those like Bryan Johnson, the tech millionaire who’s become the poster boy for the immortality quest, after he revealed he splurges $2m (£1.6m) a year on a regime of sci-fi-esque techniques to reduce his biological age.

Not for this 45-year-old the stripped-back, sensible approach of our oldest centenarians. Every day, Johnson’s strict plan includes eating an incredibly specific vegan diet of fewer than 2,000 calories, 16-18 hours of fasting, an hour of exercise and more than two dozen supplements. He also undergoes hundreds of annual measurements and tests, such as BMI, blood glucose, physical fitness, MRIs and ultrasounds.

His most recent method to reverse the ageing process? Channelling his inner Edward Cullen and getting injected with his 17-year-old son’s blood – based on a study that suggested older rodents benefit from sharing a circulatory system with younger mice. I wouldn’t be in the least surprised if the man started cupping, bleeding and purging in a bid to “rebalance his humours” at this stage.

But it makes you wonder – whether it’s by moderation and a daily booze-fix or via a spartan schedule that incorporates snake oil treatments reminiscent of a 14th-century bubonic plague doctor – what’s really the point in living longer and longer? Isn’t it more rewarding to have a rich, full and exciting life packed with experiences than simply living forever?

That’s certainly the conclusion former MP and broadcaster Gyles Brandreth came to after recently interviewing the actor Rupert Everett for his podcast. After hearing about the debauchery of Everett’s youth, Brandreth wrote in an article for The Oldie that his own life had been “beige” and “boring” in comparison. In fact, he said he felt he had “barely lived at all”.

“What a wild, sex-fuelled life the actor has led. And how beige my existence has been,” said 76-year-old Brandreth, who is vegetarian, teetotal and has been married to his wife Michèle since 1973 after they met while studying at Oxford. “Rupe has lived – and some. During his late teens, and into his twenties and beyond, sex was central to his existence.

“Young men, old men, he had them all – and women, too. Morning, noon and night, Rupe was having it away with gay abandon. Inevitably, alcohol and drugs were part of the rich mix, but the driving force was sex. I have never met anyone before who has enjoyed so much sex and can talk about it so disarmingly – and hilariously.”

He added that he envied Everett now – the actor is content, settled and stable, with a long-term boyfriend, but “has a rich and raunchy past” to look back on. “I have got nothing,” mourned Brandreth. “I have never smoked. I have not touched even the mildest drug. I don’t drink and if I wrote up the story of my love life, it would be called One and a Half Shades of Beige. Of course, it’s too late now.”

Perhaps Brandreth will outlive 64-year-old Everett thanks to his measured, reasonable and responsible existence. But there’s something unbearably sad in the notion of looking back to find… Nothing. No wild adventures. No misspent youth. No hedonistic whirlwind from which to pick out anecdotes to shock the younger generation – “You wouldn’t believe what we got up to back then…”

While I’ve got nothing but respect for the impressive demographic comprised of the world’s oldest men and women, I feel compelled to quote the Alphaville song “Forever Young”: Do you really want to live forever? If it means side-stepping the most raucous and enjoyable bits of life – or spending vast sums of cash on questionable modern-day quackery – not really. Though I might just give the daily liquor a try.