I'm a sperm donor and have fathered more than 50 children
Karl*, 32, from California, helps same-sex couples have children. He doesn’t charge a fee, but regularly donates his sperm, both in the US and Europe, for altruistic reasons.
Ten years ago when I was living in Los Angeles and I was 22 years old, a friend of mine, who was a lesbian, told me that she and her partner wanted a baby. She’d been planning to use a sperm bank, but told me, "We don’t like the idea of not knowing where the sperm is coming from."
They were also concerned about what if their child wanted to meet their father at some point in the future.
"Why don’t I help you?" I suggested.
It just seemed like a logical thing to me and they liked the idea because they knew who I was, that I was healthy and a university student, which showed I was of a certain level of intelligence. I was dating at the time and was studying finance.
I explained to them that I wouldn’t expect to be part of the child’s life, but that if the child did want to meet me at some point in the future I would be happy to do that. They were happy with that because they didn’t want a dad for their child who was around all the time, they just wanted a sperm donor.
My first donation
I had a recent STD test which I sent to them and about two weeks later they came over to my place in Los Angeles and gave me a plastic cup. I went into my room, did the deed into it, then gave them the cup. They thanked me and went back out to their car and did the insemination there.
It didn’t feel awkward, because I just felt pleased that I could help them. At that point, I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to have kids of my own but I knew that it was something that they really wanted and I was pleased to be able to help.
Initially I felt relieved that I wasn’t infertile, because as a man you never know whether you are or not until you try to make a baby, and then I felt excited for them.
They came over twice more during that cycle, and on the last time they handed me an envelope.
Later when I opened it I discovered a thank you card and a $25 Amazon voucher. I actually felt guilty that they had given me that because at that stage we didn’t know if it had even worked.
Fortunately though it did and two weeks later I got a message saying that they were pregnant.
Initially I felt relieved that I wasn’t infertile, because as a man you never know whether you are or not until you try to make a baby, and then I felt excited for them. I was open with my friends and family about what I had done. My parents were pretty indifferent about it and my brother and friends thought it was a really kind and generous thing to do.
During the pregnancy they asked me at one point what ethnic group I was, presumably for some hospital forms. And when the baby was born they sent me a picture of him and thanked me again.
My first child
It was my first child and felt like a massive deal. It was an amazing feeling and I could see he looked like me. After the initial excitement, however, I didn’t really think much more about it as I carried on with my life as a student and had no urge to meet the child unless they wanted me to.
It was my first child and felt like a massive deal. It was an amazing feeling and I could see he looked like me.
About two and a half years later, they asked me if I would help them to have another child and I agreed.
It was then that they came over with my son and I met him for the first time. It felt really good to have helped create a family. It was emotional meeting him for the first time, we took some photos and it was a nice experience. He was too young to say much or to be told who I was.
I donated my sperm to them again and they went on to have a second child, this time a girl.
I also decided I wanted to donate sperm to strangers to help them get pregnant too. I didn’t want to gain anything financially from it and I also knew that it was illegal in some parts of America to sell sperm, I was just motivated by helping people who wanted to get pregnant. No one has ever paid me for my donation, but knowing I’m helping other people brings me great happiness.
Promoting my services
I decided to set up a website bepregnantnow.com so people started contacting me on that and I began helping them (the name I use on the site is a pseudonym to protect my identity).
The first time I did it for a complete stranger it felt like I was interviewing them for a job because I asked them some questions first, about if they eat healthily or smoke and so on.
Sometimes I would meet them at hotels, sometimes they would come to my place. The first time I did it for a complete stranger it felt like I was interviewing them for a job because I asked them some questions first, about if they eat healthily or smoke and so on. Whilst I know that people don’t always tell the truth, I wanted to try and get a sense of them and make sure they would be good parents.
Now I’m 32 and I’ve donated sperm to hundreds of people and have over 50 children out there. I’ve been living in America during this time so most of them are in America, but I've also had periods of travelling to Europe and so about 10 of them are in Europe.
Rules and ethics
If you donate sperm via a private clinic in the US, the guidelines restrict you to 25 births per population area of 850,000 people. This is partly to prevent (half) siblings accidentally meeting and getting involved with each other romantically.
This is not the law, these are the guidelines set by the American Society For Reproductive Medicine. But I've heard most sperm banks never follow them – in fact, most bank donors have over 50 children and many have over 100 or 200 and there's no stopping them from donating at multiple clinics where usually they are paid a fee. Also 25 people per 850,000 amounts to over 9,000 kids in the US. So essentially the guidelines say 9,000 kids per donor in the US is acceptable.
I often connect the parents with other families nearby so that they can message each other and I always tell parents if I have fathered other children in the same area.
I believe there is zero risk of the children I've fathered meeting and falling in love. Since I have contact details for most of the parents of the children that avoids any risk of this occurring. I often connect the parents with other families nearby so that they can message each other and I always tell parents if I have fathered other children in the same area.
Also the fact it is such a small percentage compared to the population of the world, the statistical probability of any of them ever meeting and dating is essentially zero or one in 100 million, especially since my children are spread out. On top of this they were conceived in an untraditional way and that would probably be brought up quite soon in any dating situation.
Building trust
For the benefit of my sperm recipients, I have regular STD tests, and some ask questions about my medical history too which I’m always happy to answer. By meeting me in person they also have the advantage of being able to see that I’m healthy and genuinely want to help.
Some of the people I’ve helped say they don’t want me to have any contact with the child, which is fine. Others ask if I would be happy for the child to contact me when they’re older, and I’m fine with that too.
Because it’s an informal arrangement, unlike a clinic, there’s a huge amount of trust involved, on both sides. They’re trusting that I won’t try to interfere with their child’s life, and I’m trusting that they won’t try to chase me for child support in years to come.
There’s a huge amount of trust involved, on both sides. They’re trusting that I won’t try to interfere with their child’s life, and I’m trusting that they won’t try to chase me for child support in years to come.
At the moment I don’t plan to stop any time soon, but I also don’t know how long I’ll carry on doing it for. I’ve met about 10 of the children I’ve fathered but I don’t see any of them regularly.
I do feel like I have a unique bond with the women I’ve helped and I keep in touch with most of them.
My relationship status is complicated at the moment and I still don't have any children of my own in the traditional sense, but maybe I will one day, I'm not sure at the moment.
I have no regrets about how many families I have helped to create children for and hope that I can help more in the future.
*Name has been changed to protect identity.
Sperm donation – UK and US guidelines
Here’s everything you need to know if you’re thinking of using a sperm donor…
How many babies can a sperm donor help create?
If you use a regulated sperm donor clinic in the UK, the donor’s sperm can only be used to create babies in up to 10 different families (siblings count as one family), according to rules set out by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA). However, if you use a private sperm donor, e.g. via Facebook, the 10 family limit doesn’t apply to private sperm donations – these groups and your arrangement is unregulated.
In the US, the American Society For Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) guidelines restrict a donor to 25 live births per population area of 850,000 people. However, only around 40% of births resulting from sperm donation are reported.
Can a sperm donor be paid?
In the UK, it's illegal to pay a sperm donor anything other than expenses – a person donating sperm at a private clinic can claim no more than £35 per clinic visit. But in the US, donors are legally allowed to be paid.
Can your child find out the identity of their sperm donor dad?
In the UK, someone who is conceived by a donor is legally allowed to find out the identity of the sperm donor once they reach 18. So if you’re considering using a sperm donor then whether you would be comfortable with your child knowing the identity of their donor is crucial.
In the US, sperm donation is regulated by state laws, rather than federal. The lack of one overarching law means that it can be very hard to keep track of and police, with some states guaranteeing donor anonymity and others allowing donors contact with their biological children. If you live in the US, it’s vital to research the laws in your state.
Does the sperm donor have any legal responsibility for the child?
According to the HFEA, using a licensed fertility clinic means sperm donors will have no legal rights or responsibilities to children conceived from their donation. This includes no say over their upbringing and there is no obligation to pay anything towards their care. If you use a donor outside of a licensed clinic, the situation is more complicated as the sperm donor could be considered the legal father of any children conceived from their donation.
If you use a private sperm donor in the UK (e.g. via Facebook) you will always be the child’s mother, according to the HFEA. However, the law on who will be the child’s other parent is not straightforward. It is possible that the donor will be the legal father of the child with all the parental and financial responsibility this involves.
Preparing a donor agreement can help to protect you. This agreement will set out each party’s intentions, obligations and any other relevant information. Although not legally binding, the agreement helps to demonstrate each party’s position before conception, according to Stowe Family Law.
