How to stay intimate during the menopause, according to an expert
Menopause is one of the biggest changes a woman will go through.
Not only will her menstrual cycle come to an end after decades of managing it, she will now need to deal with a whole host of new symptoms including mood swings, hot flushes, brain fog, and a change in sex drive.
In fact, a study from 2000, that analysed research on sex and the menopause over a 30-year span, found that sexual interest can decrease by as much as 40% within a few years of starting the transition.
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However, while it concluded that this is in part due to physical and mental changes happening within women, for those in heterosexual relationships, it is also due in part to the decreasing sexual function of a male partner.
Yet, all is not lost. It is absolutely still possible to enjoy an intimate relationship during and after the menopause, but it takes work from both you and your partner.
"Libido is complex for women, it’s a mix of hormones, how we feel about ourselves and our partner. All three can and do change during menopause," Kate Usher, a menopause and gender equality consultant, says.
Recognise the symptoms
"The first thing to do is to recognise which symptoms are having the most impact and take action," Usher explains.
"Whether that be investing in a natural lubricant to help with vaginal dryness or focussing on exercise to manage changes in body shape or to help general wellbeing. This brings with it an element of much needed control, which boosts our sense of desire and desirability."
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Usher also recommends talking to your partner about your symptoms and how they are impacting you.
"Once you have done this, you can start to work out how you can maintain and nurture intimacy together," she adds.
How to stay intimate
One of the biggest things you can do to stay intimate with your partner during menopause is to value them and the things they do for you.
Usher says that there is "very little chance" someone will feel happy to get intimate if they spend their day annoyed at their partner, so it’s worth taking a step back and appreciating all that they do for you, which in turn will help you feel more connected to them.
"Be open about what makes you feel sexy and how they contribute to that," Usher adds. "Menopause is a time to revisit established behaviours, to explore new ways of doing things, sometimes through necessity, sometimes through choice. Intimacy is no different."
How to support your partner
Women going through the menopause also often struggle to feel confident and sexy in their changing body, and can feel anxious and stressed and like things are out of their control.
If your partner is the one going through menopause and you’re noticing a lack in intimacy levels, there are a few things you can do to help make sure she feels attractive and valued.
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"Be clear about the fact that you are prepared to both listen and support your partner. That you find her sexy and that intimacy is an important part of your relationship," Usher says.
"Sex is about more than the act itself, especially during menopause when your partner will need time to get in the mood. Be prepared to both make and take that time."
Intimacy doesn’t always mean sex
Intimacy is more than just sex. It can include gestures like holding hands, kissing, laughing together and taking the time to build a connection with each other.
"This needs both of you to make and take time to do these things," Usher adds. "Your relationship needs and deserves it."
Watch: How exercise can help women going through menopause
